being boris

A Letter To The Next Lyn St. James....

2011-09-25T23:16:00.002-05:00

To the young woman in the Pontiac next to me on Milton Avenue:

I noticed your car as it passed by while I was turning on to Milton Avenue today. I noticed its crumpled creases from dents in the passenger side front quarter-panel, and its passenger side-view mirror tethered from one cable, draped and clanging against the silver paint on the passenger door. I noticed its weathered smile from the front end, with its missing (rather, half-missing) grille in the front like a toothless, jack-o-lantern grin. I noticed the missing hub cap from your rear passenger tire, the rim exposing itself to unsuspecting and accedental voyeurs such as me. And I noticed the jagged hole in the plastic rear bumper, gaping as if a land shark such as a Lincoln or a Cadillac had taken a bite, just to see what your car tasted like. It clearly missed your "Recall Walker" sticker on your back bumper...thank goodness. Apparently whatever land shark decided to taste your car was a Republican.

Yes, I noticed. But who am I to judge? Perhaps you just didn't have the resources financially to make the necessary repairs to your car the time the accident occurred. Times are tough, certainly. Truth be told, however, I'm certain that you would have a hard time convincing others that all these maladies occurred simultaneously in the same shark attack. But then again, perhaps it was a feeding frenzy when it all occurred. It certainly looked like it.

Perhaps this normal "wear and tear" occurred in a series of bad luck. Furthermore, I am thinking that for whatever reason, it most likely wasn't your fault. No, certainly these maladies wouldn't have been because of your constant attention to the communication device I saw you using in your right hand, eagerly awaiting the next text message that I'm sure was from your mechanic, letting you know when you would be able to bring your car in for much needed convelescence. I'm pretty sure as well that these maladies didn't occur from your inability to properly see over the dashboard of your full-sized vehicle, even though I was only able to see the top half of your head through the side door window. You certainly looked comfortable with your front seat reclined at a 45 degree angle from your base seat cushion, laying in repose like the Queen of Sheba on her royal chaise. I'm surprised there weren't others in the car with you, their long peacock plumed fans fanning you to cirulate the air in your car to keep you cool. I've never tried driving while looking THROUGH the steering wheel, but from the looks of it, you have the technique mastered. I'm sure that on any normal day, feeding frenzies aside, you're an excellent driver.

Or perhaps, given your sticker of protest, it's the governor's fault, since you don't probably have a job to pay for the gas in your Pontiac, the insurance i'm confident you have, the cell phone charges for your infinitessimal texting, or the Marlboro Ultra Light 100 cigarette dangling from your pursed lip, or the small child in your care in the back seat. Just observations I make as I drive by. No, freshening up your unfortunate-looking jalopy doesn't look as if it is at the same level of priority as your need to be linked in to the world around you.

Whatever it is (even though you look barely 18 and are vertically challenged), I cannot help but be relieved both in the choices made, and the priorities you have set for yourself. It brings so much levity and credibility to your story of your maladies.

Just one thing, though. Next time you may wish to look up more often to make sure you're still between the painted lines of your lane. As much as I admire what you have done to keep your vehicle in tip-top condition, I simply wouldn't appreciate it as much as I should if you were to side-swipe my car while you were having such an important conversation.

Regards,

The Guy In the Truck Now Behind You

Things that go loose in the night....

2011-08-27T21:33:00.003-05:00

I've been tired all day.

After spending an evening with friends out and about, I did what I do every evening: let my two grehounds out to take care of business...at 1 a.m. It started off very ordinary, but in a matter of minutes things went to hell in a handbasket in 1.3 nanoseconds.

The hounds were released.

Not on purpose, mind you. Being extremely nimble and very narrow, they quickly escaped on me, and suddenly I was transported into a "Born Free" moment that was neither planned nor welcomed.

After taking off like a rocket, and yes, once again me trailing far behind (and really, someone in my shape and age simply CANNOT catch a greyhound in full stride) looking like a complete jackass, the hounds were loose. It didn't help much that Dillon is jet black, and Siri is brindle (translated: canine camoflage), in the dead of night. It really created a myriad of complications. Fast, nimble, and stealth, and naturally camoflaged. Greyhounds 1, Owner 0.

Apparently a daughter of one of my neighbors happened to be up at the time and said she heard a man yelling outside. She originally was going to call the police thinking it to be a domestic altercation, but then realized after seeing my hefty ass running full speed at 2 miles per hour trying to track down something, she figured out that I was after my animals. At one point the dogs stopped, but then took off once they saw me come close, and then were gone. Rat bastards.

After going around and around the block about 6 times, a guy on the other side of my block just happened to be stepping outside for a cigarette, and tracked me down to tell me that the dogs were just in a persons yard. Who knew there would be so much neighborhood nighttime activity at such an hour? But I did spot them, now 20 minutes into the ordeal.

Well, Dillon really wanted to come to me, but when Siri took off, he thought running with her was the better option, and ended up following right behind. I seriously needed Barbara Woodhouse and a firm "Walkies!" at that moment. Where is she when when you need her?

Eventually they ended up in my next door neighbor's yard, trapped into a corner by a fence row. Busted.

Eventually they came to their senses, and halted their midnight escapade when they knew they were as good as caught. THANK GOD. It also ended the midnight entertainment for apparently more neighbors than I thought, which was more than fine for me.

A Slight Dusting

2011-02-01T21:51:00.002-06:00

So here I sit. It's February 1. It's snowing. It's snowing hard.

Cozied up with my favorite bottle of Petite Syrah, I glanced outside. It's blustery. And man is it snowing. I can't see my neighbors' houses across the street. The flagpole looks as if it's a rubber band flapping in the wind. My flag (what's left of it) is flying completely horizontal. It's amazing.

This is what hell freezing over looks like.

I can't help but think of some of the trite comments we often make about the weather, with hope that somehow it will appease us, or at least make us feel like what we're experiencing is not so bad.

The best yet:

1. It's a bit brisk out there.
2. I don't think the hard stuff's going to come down for quite a while.
3. But it's a dry snow.
4. It's just a slight dusting.
5. It'll be gone by tomorrow.
6. It's going to melt overnight.
7. I've seen worse.
8. We need the precipitation.
9. It's not the cold, it's the wind chill.
10. I thought it was supposed to be 70 and sunny.

Anyhow, nothing gets us talking like talking about the weather. As if we can do anything about it.

I'm just hoping I still have the roof on my house by tomorrow. Oh the weather outside is frightful alright. Yes. Hell frozen over.

Things That Go Pop In The Night

2010-07-05T15:20:00.002-05:00

I love the 4th of July for many reasons. It's the day after my birthday. I never have to get up to go to work the next day (that is...unless the 4th falls on a Sunday). It's a time where you spend time with family and friends. And its a time where everyone seems to have a good time.

It's the last reason that I am considering eliminating from my list of all the reasons why I love the holday.

I love fireworks. I love how they've really become pretty sophisticated over the years, when drawing your name in the sky with a sparkler, or lighting a charcoal "worm" or smoke bomb was a pretty cool deal. Now...they're pretty much lame. Not having bought fireworks lately, I don't even know if they make the latter, but rather these complicated fountain things, with complicated names that didn't really translate well to English when they were shipped over from China. I mean, what the hell does White Lotus In Black Hawk Transistor Happiness really mean anyhow....?

Anyhow, it seems anymore that there needs to be more lift, more bang, more pizzazz, more fire, etc., anymore for any teenager or adult to even remotely be interested in them. I would tend to agree as well. And, in addition, it seems that teenagers and adults feel the need to start immediately after Memorial Day, and have the festivities last later and later in the evening, reaching its apex about the first of July, where it seems bangs last until 3 am.

People in my neighborhood seem to have been following this practice as of late, and it's really getting out of hand. I like fireworks like any other person, but at 3 am, I don't find them very festive, especially if I've not imbibed in some sort of alcoholic libation, and have to get up early the next morning. Shutting the windows doesn't help. You still hear them, especially with the screechy ones.

I'm open to suggestions as to how to deal with this, and probably will migrate to some "Jackass" type of practical joke on the people, which may result in filing an insurance claim or lawsuit against me. So I sit, counting to 2342, keeping my emotions in check.

Or perhaps I should get that brick of Black Cat firecrackers, find the bastards' home, and light them off on their front porch...at 6 a.m., a time where I happen to be rarin' to go...

Porto San Giuseppe

2010-04-16T06:30:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I realized that I am on the last end of my annual Florida vacation. I really love it down here, as I love the surroundings, the area, the pace of life (although sometimes a bit overly slow)and especially the weather. I've never been here during the summer or during a hurricane season, but I'm certain that all things considered, this is a fine place to be.

In the morning, we ventured to Apalachicola's downtown area, where there is a myriad of different places to shop, eat, and see, as the city was founded as a harbor in the early 1800's, and the market place reflects a lot of that old charm. We visited a flower shop by mistake, as it was a former sea sponge warehouse that housed an antique store, that now housed a flower shop. In entering the store, it said that it was a flower shop and gift store. From what we saw however, it was a very, VERY basic flower shop. Wherever the gifts were, they were probably on backorder, for as far as I could tell, there were no "gifty" type things anywhere to be found. As we walked into the store, the owner was very chipper and polite in asking us if we could be helped. When we said we were looking for the antique shop, however, we were quickly shooed out of the store with a flurry of directions. Apparently that woman's been asked the same question more than once.

I am not one for antiques at all. I suspect that it has everything to do with how antique shops smell. They just smell old, musty, and dank. Normally this kind of a shop wouldn't be one that I would seek out. However, this particular shop sells some of the best hand-made soap (made from goat's milk) that I have ever used in my entire life.

Being redirected to "the Hayes House" back in town, we ventured to where this antique store was relocated, and browsed through all of the wares they had to offer.
Upon buying a dozen bars of soap, we headed for our next stop, "The Owl Cafe" Cooking Shop, and proceeded to get some really cool kitchen stuff, a seafood cookbook, some shrimp de-veiners, and spices.

We decided to head back to the beach house, where we'd be able to sit in the sun for a few hours before having to decide what we were going to have for supper.

My mom suggested our dinner destination, "Joe Mama's Wood Oven Pizza" in central Port St. Joe, Florida. When we first arrived, there weren't a lot of cars out front in the street, and in looking from the front of the restaurant (which had dark tinted glass), it didn't look like it was open.

After further review, we did see lights on in the restaurant, and decided to give it a try. We were greeted by a very friendly young woman that understood our confusion when we said we couldn't tell if the restaurant was open or not as it was so dark. We were seated, and our server came over, took our drink order and let us decide on the type of pizza we would like to try.

The great thing we noticed was that almost every table in the restaurant was full of diners, and that it truly did have the wood burning stove in the kitchen, similar to the wood ovens my mom and I experienced when we were in Rome, Florence, and Torino. We were both excited to anticipate having REAL Italian pizza. My mom ordered the pizza margherita, which had garlic, tomato, basil, and mozzarella. I opted for the Quatro, which had fresh mozzarella, basil, cured ham, and tomato.

In a matter of minutes, out came the pizzas from our server, and sure enough, they were identical to the pizzas we had in Italy. After the first taste, we knew one thing: this pizzeria is a complete WINNER. Wood stoves have a different way of cooking, and give pizza crusts (or for that matter, the whole pizza) a more rustic, earthy taste and texture, and the crust was amazing!

It truly was an experience reminiscent of past travels to Italy, and was a great way to end the evening. Next time, I hope to try the pizza with the arugula..it looked really interesting!

Fresher Than Preferred

2010-04-14T18:49:00.002-05:00

The weather in Florida has been spectacular all week. No clouds seem to be anywhere nearby, and the temperature has been anywhere from 78-83 degrees. Doesn't get any better than that.

I have had several opportunities to walk along the beach, both around the beach house and nearby where there's a lighthouse. We have seen many types of seabirds, shells, dolphins, and some lizards. We have been able to see fishing boats way off in the horizon, catching fish or shrimp.

Nothing is better than fresh seafood from the Gulf of Mexico. In this area, there are many different restaurants to be able to try tuna, grouper, shrimp, bay scallops, oysters, and any other type of seafood you can imagine. We've tried many over the last several years in coming down to Cape San Blas and Port St. Joe, Florida.

Tonight we were hungry. My mom and I decided that we would venture to a place that we've gone to 2 or three times in the past. It's in the harbor at Port St. Joe, and it's called the Dockside Cafe. I don't think any time we've gone there where the service has been anything to write home about, and some of the servers just do their jobs. This isn't an issue, since the food has been good, and usually comes promptly.

I have no idea if our experience today was an exception or what. Walking into the restaurant, normally someone at least greets you at the door, even if you are asked to seat yourselves. We opted to sit out on the patio, where there was a nice breeze, and wasn't quite so stuffy. As we walked to the table, we passed by about 3 to 4 different workers, none of whom bothered to say hello, or even acknowledge we were there. I have no idea if they were short of help, but from what I saw of the patron to server ratio, this was certainly not the case.

We ordered our beers (which were probably the only things that were served promptly) and ordered the food. I opted for a shrimp basket with fries, and my mom ordered their blackened grouper with steamed vegetables.

After waiting approximately 20 minutes for our food to be served (and by now, our drinks were getting lighter), we finally got the food. While the server was chipper, the food was anything but.

I asked my mom how her food was, and the best part of her meal was the steamed vegetables on her plate, as her blackened grouper was somewhat fishy. I've never had fishy tasting grouper before. This was a first.

I ate about 4 of my 10 fried shrimp, which looked done on the outside, but upon closer examination, realized that they were extremely fresh: fresh off the boat, breaded, and fresh on my plate. While they were de-veined (thank goodness), the remaining shrimp on my plate were all translucent, and not the normal cooked white color that shrimp SHOULD be.

No amount of tartar or cocktail sauce would have improved the freshest food on my plate. I had to check the menu to make sure that we didn't end up in a sushi bar, as opposed to a seafood cafe.

Unfortunately, my criticism of my food to my server fell upon deaf ears, even after showing her my uncooked shrimp and giving her a cooking lesson on what cooked shrimp should look like. The only remedy was for the server to go back and get more shrimp for me. This was not an option for me. I respectfully declined. There was no offer to take the price of my dinner (at an overpriced $10.99) off the bill.

Freshly ingrained in our minds, her lack of empathy or care resulted in a less than stellar tip, which really shouldn't have been her fault. Oh well, our indifference matched what we experienced.

Dockside Cafe and Grill in Port St. Joe, Florida was a severe disappointment both from the quality of the food, and the quality of the service, which is a shame when we've seen many restaurants in the area in previous years that had fantastic food, fantastic service, but went out of business. If they don't pay attention to these types of things in future, this restaurant, too, won't last long either.

We certainly won't be coming back any time soon.

The Birds

2010-04-13T07:59:00.004-05:00

I've come to the conclusion that I really like the beach. I like the ocean. I like the sand. I like the sun. I like how warm it is. Yesterday, for the first time since I was like 10 years old, I flew a kite on the beach. I had gotten a really cool kite that I had seen in a magazine, shaped in the outline of a shark. The kite is about 7 feet long, and as you look up at it from the sky, all you can see is the outline of this black shark, with its mouth open displaying a huge set of sharp, pointy teeth.

The seabirds didn't quite know what to think about this new avian friend in the sky. Most of them avoided it, but many of the seabirds that flew by, looked at it, squawked a bit, and then went on their merry way. It was relatively easy to fly, and again, was a perfect way to spend part of the afternoon. After all, yesterday was quite sunny and 81.

Afterward, my mom and I decided that we needed to go into town to get a few things from the grocery store. On the way, the Florida Highway Department must be in the process of doing several different projects, two of which happen to be from where we are staying, into Port St. Joe. At one point there was a flagman directing traffic around a blind curve on the highway. Either he was half-heartedly into his job, or was just slow to react (after all, this is the South), it seemed to take forever to get past the construction area. We ended up getting stuck behind a huge dump truck full of sand and whatnot, and what seemed to be a full load from the onset of his departure, turned out to be significantly less, as most of what he was hauling in the back was either leaking out, or being blown out by the wind.

I was tempted to flip the guy the bird.

Anyhow, we ended up getting the things we needed, toodled around the downtown area of Port St. Joe, and then headed back. Unfortunately for the city's economy, several businesses have closed shop or gone out of business. The economy has hit this area of Florida really hard, only to be exacerbated by new government restrictions on oyster fishing and protection, which is the livelihood of practically EVERYTHING down here.

Anyhow, in the evening, we ventured to Apalachicola to Boss Oyster Company for supper. I had a hankering for bay scallops, and last night's dinner was no disappointment. We were able to sit outside overlooking Apalachicola Bay and the inlet to the river, directly next to the wharf where several shrimping and fishing boats stood anchored, waiting for the next day's catch to commence.

While we were sitting on the patio outside, the menagerie of seabirds was a sight to behold. In two cases, the diners sitting on the patio opted to move inside, as there were several instances where there were hundreds of seagulls swarming around the area. My sister-in-law, who is no ornithologist, would have been as anxious as a cat laying in a room full of rocking chairs.

What was fascinating was how the restaurant had devised an interesting way to keep the birds from landing on the patio, by executing an intricate and random weaving of heavy test fish line in and out of the tables, canopies over the tables, and back overhead to the building. Apparently during the day, these fishing lines are shiny. By dinner time, they aren't, which makes the birds aggressive (seeing everyone eat nearby). By nighttime, birds go home to roost. Seagulls, for some reason don't like shiny fish lines, and therefore stay away, thus preventing unexpected surprises during dinner.

I was convinced I was pooped on twice during dinner.

At one point during dinner, my mom asked the server whether or not she had a B-B gun handy, as my mom informed her that it would be kind of fun to shoot at the seagulls. My mom then asked if there is any law against shooting seabirds. From the look on the server's face, she was taken aback, and then added "not to my knowledge. Wouldn't that be fun!" I am convinced my mother is Annie Oakley reincarnated.

Checking each other out to make sure there was no incendiary damages, my mom and I headed back to the beach house, and ended up enjoying a glass of this stuff called "Coco Vine," which is a libation that combines red wine with Dutch chocolate. It tastes like chocolate milk on ice and was quite tasty. And after thinking about how on earth someone would have thought to put chocolate and wine together, I then realized that this came from Holland. Someone must have had the munchies after smoking the reefer, and thought that such a concoction would be interesting.

Well, it's a winner.

The other thing I thought about after getting back was, all the people in the movie "The Birds" had to do to save themselves was to string a ton of heavy test fish line all over the city and over their homes, and it would have kept any deadly flying reptiles away...except at dinner time.

Apparently they didn't consult Boss Oyster company before making the movie.

A Pilferer Among Us

2010-04-11T15:54:00.002-05:00

Today has been a beautiful, sunny, breezy day at the beach house. We had the opportunity to lie out on the beach, on the deck, and take in some beautiful sun. Not wanting to get burned, we decided to get cleaned up and dressed and head into town, as we needed to get some swivel hooks for a kite I have.

The kite is a really cool diamond frame kite that is about 7 feet long, jet black in the form of a shark. I'm very excited to be able to fly it while I'm down here, and hopefully get some pictures of it in action. The swivel hooks we needed were to be able to attach the kite to the line.

So my mom and I decided we would head into Port St. Joe, go to the fishing/sporting store just in town, get the swivel hooks, and then head back, picking up some gulf shrimp on our way home. When we got back, my mom made the observation that some of the sandcastle materials were missing. These materials consisted of two large 5 gallon Blains Farm and Fleet buckets, 4 red rectangular block makers, and several assorted sand toys that my nieces played with while they were here.

I couldn't quite figure out what had happened, since I wasn't that observant when I got here. All afternoon we wondered what had happened to all of the sandcastle tools, and my mom was convinced that someone took them.

Getting back to the beach house, I took it upon myself to look all around the house, and all around outside. The first deduction that I made was that I thought that maybe the wind took the buckets and the things inside them and spilled them over into the neighbor's yard. As I looked along the east side of the neighbors' home at 728 Treasure Drive, Port St. Joe, Florida, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

That is until I looked over at their ground level patio, to see the bottom of some white buckets, and some rectangular red plastic blocks sitting in the shower stall next door, at 278 Treasure Dr., Port St. Joe, Florida.

Whoever lives or stays at the house on 278 Treasure Drive in Port St. Joe Florida, had moved the white buckets, the red rectangular brick makers, and all of my nieces' sand toys, and placed them in their outside shower stall either while we were gone, or while my mom picked me up at the airport yesterday. Apparently they thought that my mom, my brother and sister-in-law, and my nieces had left, and decided to help themselves to our things without asking.

Needless to say, being the shy unassertive person I am, I walked over to the house, unlatched the door to the outdoor shower, collected the buckets, the red brick makers, and my nieces' sand castle toys, and brought them back to where they belonged.

I have no idea if the people staying at 278 Treasure Dr., Port St. Joe, Florida have done this before, or if they have done this to other visitors' things, but one thing's for certain. The owners of the house we're staying in, as well as the rental agency we procured the house through, will be getting a nice note from me, notifying each that there are pilferers in the neighborhood, and that they happen to be staying next door.

Florida 2010

2010-04-10T21:17:00.001-05:00

This morning has been an interesting morning. I got up in plenty of time to make it to the plane, by getting up at 3 a.m., which to any normal human being who isn’t still partying at that hour, is just ugly.

I will say one thing however. It was really handy to have the hotel right across the street from terminal 2 at O’Hare. Terminal 2 happens to be the same terminal that houses the airline I took today, which turned out to be a good thing, since it was about 29 degrees this morning. Having to pack lightly (only taking a carry-on bag and not checking any luggage), my wardrobe options were severely limited, and only consisted of shorts, flip-flops, and a t-shirt. Apparently I didn’t plan ahead very well.

I breezed by ticketing and security, which now that I look back at it today was probably a first. I also made it to the gate with plenty of time to spare, enabling me to be able to get my morning jolt of coffee, and start gawking at people.
Much like the bus depot yesterday, people watching in the airport is a favorite of mine. It’s also, in my honest opinion, has to be any sociologist’s dream.

The first character I ran across today was a man that had to be carted up to the gate in a wheelchair. From where the ticketing counter was, the security gate, and ultimately the final boarding gate, this was quite a hike. On the way, and immediately inside the Delta concourse, the McDonalds restaurant was a beacon to just about everyone passing through security. What didn’t make sense to me was that upon getting to the gate, the man got out of the wheelchair, sat down at the gate, and then immediately got up again and left. I wasn’t paying much attention to him, but several minutes later, this same “disabled” man came back with two coffees and some breakfast food.

I’m usually pretty sympathetic to any poor soul needing additional assistance. But
this man was a complete opportunist.

Speaking of breakfast sandwiches, I also observed one young guy consume more McDonalds’ breakfast food at one sitting than I have ever seen before in my life. As I was sitting near the fake paraplegic, I watched, in amazement and horror, this young 25-ish male consume 3 to 4 breakfast sandwiches, 4 hash browns, and two trays of pancakes and sausage. I could feel my arteries clogging just watching the guy.

After watching the human garbage disposal for a while, and gagging in the process, there was another woman with very curly fake blonde hair prancing around the gate area. For lack of a name, I called her Curly Sue. With severe and dramatic facial makeup, big circular oversized Hollywood sunglasses, and a huge head (attached to a rotund body) of blond curly hair, she passed by where several people were sitting, including me, with her faux-alligator fire engine red roll-along carry on bag. With no regard for the other bags that people had sitting by them, Curly Sue traipsed through a myriad of bags, pulling her red reptilian bag behind her. When she approached a bag jam of bags, she proceeded to keep pulling, bumping, pulling, nudging, and bumping all of the other bags surrounding the path in which she wished her bag to roll through, hoping someone would move their bag to make her job easier.
Of course, after 2 minutes, no one did, which prompted her to finally pick up her bag and carry it with her the rest of the way to her seat.

This wasn’t the only issue Curly Sue had. Much like the Empress that I mentioned in my China travelogue, Curly Sue needed to sit in an exit row on the plane, since she needed space as she was not feeling very well. She also managed to pronounce it to about 25 people that were sitting around her. Unlike the Empress however, once she got what she wanted, she shut up for the rest of the trip.

Well I managed to make it to Atlanta ahead of schedule by about 20 minutes, which gave me about 3.5 hours to figure out what to do while waiting for my connecting flight. I decided that I needed to have some brunch, and figured the smartest thing to do was to get to my appropriate terminal and look for something. The Atlanta airport has about 6 different terminals all lined up parallel to each other, and lettered in order, A, B, C, D, E, and for whatever reason, T. I'm assuming an expansion is in order. Conveniently, they are all interconnected by an underground subway. Of course, my arrival happened to be in terminal A, and my departing flight was in terminal D.

I got to the terminal and where my gate was to be. By this time, it was 10 am (9am CST) and I was hungry. I stopped at a Phillip’s restaurant, and had buffalo butterfly shrimp. I then managed to get on my plane to Panama City, Florida without incident, and arrived a half hour earlier than I had intended.

My mom picked me up, and we headed back to the beach house. Stopping at Toucan’s restaurant for a late lunch/early supper in Mexico Beach, I was able to have awesome bay scallops, deep fried pickles, and Yuengling beer (which I will say IS my favorite).

We got back to the beach house, unloaded what little I had and strolled along the beach, before falling asleep for the evening. Florida’s panhandle is definitely a place I love to come, and am looking forward to the rest of the week ahead.

On the road again....

2010-04-09T20:28:00.003-05:00

Seems a befitting title for this next segment in my life. Not that I'm a fan of wailin' Willie, but if you'd ask my co-workers about my vacation, they typically answer with, "aren't you always on vacation," or "what exciting place are you going to this time?"

No, I'm not always on vacation. In fact, I think that the annual allotment of vacation that I have is no different than that of any other worker. It's just that when I take it, I tend to take big chunks at a time which SEEMS like 52 weeks.

Anyhow, I'm venturing to Florida again. Yes, the annual trek to a place where my family loves to go. This time, I'm actually flying down first rather than driving. This was largely determined by how Easter, the school system spring break, and my work schedule all aligned. I AM, however, a bit disappointed by not having the opportunity to stare and gawk at a strange kid playing out "Get Smart" in the middle of a Culvers near Peoria.

Hoping not to disappoint, I hope to have some hardy laughs even if I'm flying down.

Take, for example, the bus depot.

Like Amy Winehouse to recreational drug use, bus depots and people watching go hand in hand. My brief stay was no disappointment. After being dropped off by a wonderful co-worker after work, I arrived at the bus depot about 45 minutes early to find a great menagerie in full swing. I went in the bus terminal to purchase a bus ticket for my ride to O'Hare International, only to be overwhelmed by a funky smell that can only best be described as that of a combo of gardenia and feet. I have no idea if it was eminating from the oily-haired woman sitting alone in the terminal, the guy behind the window selling the tickets, or what. It certainly was unpleasant, causing me to sit outside instead.

There were many different people milling about, but the one situation that caught my eye was an Amish guy getting out of a Toyota Rav4 (not driving it, mind you)to pick up his luggage. I was expecting a very large red and white checked gingham table cloth attached to a stick (a la Huck Finn) to be pulled from the bottom of the bus as it was being unloaded. Alas I was disappointed to see that his black bonneted wife stepped off the bus, and he fetched a normal huge backpack made from synthetic fibers. I was trying to figure out how all of this was allowed without going via horse and buggy, but then I really didn't care. Even more surprising was the African-American driver that seemed to know the guy on a first name basis. Talk about a social juxtaposition...

Anyhow, getting on the full bus, I ended up sitting to a young guy reading one of the Harry Potter books, and in the midst of a myriad of college aged students coming from Madison. And they looked like they were coming from Madison.

Anyhow, I pulled out my Kindle (thinking I was just as hip as the texting, iPod listening, laptop toting 20-somethings on the bus)to commence reading Chelsea Handler's latest book. I think I probably caused a few heads to turn (with the thought that now I must be some strange "differently abled" guy laughing at something for no apparent reason), but I couldn't help myself. After all, I was annoyed by the phone of a young guy sitting in front of me beeping every time he received a text message. So what if I laugh?

I got to terminal 2 at O'Hare International, walked up, over and down to the Hilton Hotel where I am to stay the first night. I didn't know exactly where to go in, but once I did, I was assisted by a young Asian woman who's rapid-fire speaking caused me to miss half of what she said. I'm hoping I didn't agree to some insurance seminar or registered for an Amway convention...

I ordered room service, which I'm certain will cost me several shekels, a carafe of wine, and am watching TV, to await my next leg of my journey tomorrow, at the butt-crack of dawn, which I'm certain...as my niece Sarah would say...isn't gonna be pretty.

Head for the Hills

2010-03-05T19:28:00.003-06:00

As some of you have probably read, my blog is rather eclectic. Most of the stuff on this thing are essays, thoughts, and in some instances reviews of the world around me, or the things in it. I'm not much for adding lots of paraphernalia such as pictures, movie clips, links, or the like. Not that I have anything against those types of things. I sometimes (o.k. most times) am just to lazy to bother, or more likely have no idea HOW to do such things.

Well, tonight I was invited by my mom to go out for one of Wisconsin's omnipresent "Friday Fish Fry" dinners. Upon seeing an ad touting one such place's cole slaw as being the best, we decided to venture to a new place for something completely different. I found it interesting that we would pick a place that highlighted its cole slaw as the mitigating factor for trying the fish. But, I'm always game for something new and different, even if our food priorities were somewhat askew.

Anyway, we went to Hackbarth Hills on the northwest side of Janesville (actually in Janesville Township) to see what this fish fry was all about. I'm pretty good about knowing where things are in general. But in this case, I had absolutely NO idea where we needed to go. But, upon arriving at the restaurant, I was surprised to discover it actually has a 9 hole golf course. This mini-clubhouse was where we were to have our dinner.

Entering the restaurant, it seemed pretty nondescript. Going inside, it reminded me of some very nice garages that I have seen on the Parade of Homes tour, complete with bar, finished drywall walls, a kitchen off to the right, and several unassuming tables at which we could sit. There wasn't a terrible crowd occupying this concrete carpetless eating establishment when we arrived, but we were seated immediately and brought the menu card that was simple and plain.

After ordering drinks, I was looking over the menu to see if there was something in tune with what I've normally been eating since the 15th of January. Initially, I was going to be good and order some broiled shrimp on a skewer. But, alas, I opted for the exact same thing my mom had, which was the two-piece cod dinner, complete with choice of potato, roll and the secret special cole slaw. There really wasn't anything fancy about this place, and from the prices on the menu, things were quite reasonable.

After a reasonable amount of wait time,the cheerful server brought our food. After the first bite from our unassuming plates, I knew we were at a place that is a hidden gem, even with it's non-frilly glory.

The fish was crispy, fried to perfection, and not overly breaded. The breading was nothing like I've ever had before, in that it included herbs within the batter. Hints of basil and oregano in just the right amounts perfectly complimented the soft taste of the flaky fish. The cole slaw, I must say, was nothing I've ever had before either, and certainly WAS one of the best I've sampled in a long time. Often times cole slaw is touched as a side, but never completely finished. Cole slaw can be sketchy, but this was anything BUT that. And, it was completely gone by the end of the meal, as a testament to its tastiness. With a sweet-sour dressing added to it (and not cream based), it was a perfect complement to the well seasoned fish. Of course, it came with our chosen baked potatoes. While the potato was excellent too (and I LOVE potatoes), it acted, for lack of a better descriptor, as sort of a required accoutrement to the meal rather than a staple of it, which anyone knowing my food preferences (knowing how much I love potatoes) speaks LOUDLY about the quality of the food served to us.

I must say that it was well worth the venture out of the mainstream to dine at Hackbarth Hills. For all of the fish fry dinners available to Wisconsin patrons, this one IS one of the tops in my view. It's always fun to find an "off the beaten path" type of establishment, and this one certainly fit the bill, proving the fact that great food doesn't require frills and methods of food preparatory techniques that only Julia Child could muster to make this dining experience a real treat.

The Cauldon Extinguished

2010-02-28T22:01:00.003-06:00

Well, another Olympics has come and gone, and I'm wondering what the heck I'm going to watch on television. After all, I've gotten accustomed to having them on TV (when I'm home)practically 24-7 the last two weeks.

A couple things came out of this for me. First of all, being the music geek that I am, I've come to really like the tune of "Oh Canada." It's really pretty. Not to say that in any way, shape, or form that I'm not proud of the United States' efforts or my country in general. There's just something about the tune, "The Star Spangled Banner" that I've just never been fond of.

Why you may ask? Well, it sounds really militaristic to me, and not really reverent. I'm no peacenik by any means, but in this day in age, I think something along the lines of "America" or "God Bless America" are a bit more attractive tunes,express a more reverent patriotism, and last but not least more easily singable. After all, how many times have you actually gone somewhere where "The Star Spangled Banner" actually was sung well, and either 1) not cheapened by the unnecessary vocal flourishes that some pop or R & B stars tend to add, or 2) the person actually remembers all the words (in it's archaic poetry form). To me, most times our national anthem, when sung like this, is more like "The Star Mangled Banner." In any event, I am proud of our Olympians. They ALL did the U.S.A. proud.

The second thing that came out of this two weeks of sport was the fact that I'm pretty ignorant about Canada. I've always thought of Canada (which I fondly call "Canadia")like us. We share a similar heritage and origin, a common language that for the most part, with the exception of Quebec, has an accent that sounds like how we talk at home. I also thought of Canada as very vast, very sparse, and very cold. I'd probably love to visit it more often. Unfortunately though, it's located north of Madison. To me, anything north of Madison is considered the north woodsy, and I'm not a big fan of fishing or camping. The last thing is that we've just always been close neighbors and friends to our friends to the north.

It's much more than that. I had a history lesson (especially the piece about how Canada was a godsend during 9/11), a geography lesson from the torch relay (in which I don't EVER think I want to visit Iqaluit in Nunavut as I'm not to crazy about eating whale blubber or seal), and a cultural lesson, where Canada is full of wonderful people that don't mind taking in strangers from all over the world, are hospitable to anyone and everyone, and seems like one big happy family (with some minor elements of family dysfunction like ANY family).

The last thing that came out of it for me is to say to any athlete competing in the Olympics, that there is something to be proud of when one wins ANY color of medal. A fraction of a percent of people on this earth ever GET to the Olympics, and then to win a medal on top of that is like winning the super mega lottery. Sure, I was disappointed that the U.S. hockey team lost, but the looks and demeanor of the hockey team receiving their silver medals didn't really sit well with me. Or the poor attitude of a disgruntled Russian figure skater, or Korean speed skater kind of frosts me. Perhaps they don't live on the same earth I do.

Hopefully this experience will broaden my understanding of our friends to the north, because certainly, they are incredible neighbors and friends to have.

Heavy Duty

2010-02-26T23:13:00.003-06:00

As I'm sitting here at about 11:15 p.m. on a Friday night, several things are shooting through my brain. The first thought is that I haven't kept up with this blog thing very well. Much like many plants in my home, I'm feeling like this blog thing is withering on the vine, as I haven't watered or fed it with new material or stupid stuff to talk about to bring it back to it's resplendent green, healthy hue that will make it look fresh and new again.

I don't know what prompted me to think about it, but, the fact of the matter is: I miss french fries.

You see, my friends, since the middle of January I have been participating in what I'd like to think could be called an experiment...a biological one. Early in the year this year at work, a couple of the people I work with thought it would be a great idea if we, as a group, would participate in a contest to be "the biggest losers." Normally, I don't consider myself remotely close to being a loser by any means, but in this case I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to try. After all, who doesn't (except if you happen to be Callista Flockhart, J.J. Walker, or a concentration camp survivor) want to lose a few pounds.

I was a little hesitant to start.

I have to admit: I LOVE french fries. No matter how greasy, salty, hot or cold, I love them. And this contest that I was about to commit to would force me to forgo this vice. Then after stepping back (and having been forced to step on a scale at the doctor's office), I realized that perhaps it would be a good idea to start my Lenten fast early, and give up my french fries. I went ahead with participating on this "loser" team,reluctantly, and begrudgingly.

So I committed to this scientific experiment, even though I didn't know how I would ever live without my french fries.....mmmm...plain, a hint of salt, crispy and greasy.

Hurdle number one came when I was informed that one of my co-workers would have to weigh me. Now, anyone that knows me well knows that I am and have always been HUGELY self conscious about my weight, even when I weighed what seemed to be 3 1/2 pounds in high school and had all my hair. All morning long I stewed about it. I probably should have had three extra shirts that day, because I was sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling be by the time I had to be weighed. Several people offered to do the official weighing and recording, NONE of whom were even remotely a viable option. So after settling for the one person we all could feel comfortable having do this horrid task, we (7 of the 9 people in my office who are participating)proceeded to have the grand "weigh in."

Then...it was my turn. I felt like Sean Penn in "Dead Man Walking."

Tasting the iron-like biley taste in my mouth, I was afraid I was going to lose whatever was in my stomach (which probably would only have been a pot of coffee)and not be anywhere NEAR being somewhere where I wouldn't make a scene....and a mess.

Let's just say that from the initial "weigh in" (and this term cracks me up, since all I could think about was me being entered into a boxing contest, only to be the horrificly unprepared super mega ginormous heavyweight entering the ring with King Kong, knowing that inevitably I'd be getting my ass kicked in a matter of 3 nanoseconds), it somewhat relieved my need (and obsessive craving) for french fries.

I have no idea where this whole process will end up, but I'm liking the fact that things are working. Perhaps I should take peoples' advice and try skydiving to cure my fear of heights....then again, I think I'll pass on that. After all, I don't need to be changing EVERYTHING.

Internal Combustion- Two Ways

2010-01-16T23:46:00.003-06:00

It's amazing how money just flows in and out of my hands, especially on unforseen things that happen to pop up when you least expect it.

Last week, it started with my furnace. It was a Sunday evening, and I was sitting at the computer. I was checking my email, playing a game, and checking things out on facebook when I smelled something to the likes of burnt plastic, electricity, and dust. This wasn't a pleasant smell.

I couldn't tell if my house was on fire or not, as my greyhounds (being the lazy hounds they are) were snoozing away. I went downstairs, checked things out, and came to the realization that maybe my air ducts needed to be cleaned.

Well, the smell didn't go away.

I went to the basement, and everything seemed in order. I let my hounds out, as by now they were prancing around the house, thinking that it would be a splendid time to go out, even IF it was -8 degrees outside. It made me wish I had a different house that had a backyard instead of a fenced side yard that I have, as each time I have to let them out, I have to walk them to it. I wasn't happy.

The three of us came back inside, only to still smell the funny electrical plasticky smell. It also felt colder in my house. I checked the thermostat to find that instead of being a balmy 68, it was now 65. This wasn't a good sign. It was especially not good, since it was now about 1 a.m., and not having heat was an issue.
I thought I'd be resourceful and try to fix things myself, so I checked the internet to see if there was something I could do to diagnose the problem. Flipping the breaker (even though it wasn't blown) seemed to kick the furnace in again. And I got a MAJOR dose of the burnt plastic smell again. I thought I would go upstairs and just go to bed.

After lying in bed for about 10 minutes, and stewing about the fact that I was probably going to be asphyxiated by carbon monoxide (being the fatalist I can sometimes be), and worried about how my house would look if someone were to find me, I got up and called the furnace hotline where I got my furnace.

Pavlik Heating and Cooling has a 24 hour service line as I soon found out, and was greeted by a very pleasant man who, after asking a slew of questions, thought it best that I talk to the technician on call. Two minutes later, the guy called. It sounded like he had been awaken from a deep slumber, which made me feel terrible. Unlike me, he was quite pleasant to talk to after being jolted awake by the phone.

Seeing as there wasn't really a whole lot that could be done over the phone, he said he'd be willing to stop over and check the furnace right away. It was now about 1:45 a.m., and I couldn't really justify calling the poor man out, when I would be getting up in a matter of a couple of hours. So I told the guy not to worry, so long as someone came to my house right away in the morning, I said I'd throw on a couple extra blankets on the bed, and that my two hounds would probably end up sleeping with me anyhow, so I would be fine.

Well, waking up, I could just about see my breath. The thermostat was 54. I like a cold house, but 54 is just a bit much.

The technician came later that morning, to discover that my thermostat had gone bad, and that some air flow duct thing was shorted out (hence the electrical smell). $250later, I had heat, and I was happy. It certainly was better than having to have a new furnace.

Well, the next evening, I had fallen asleep on the sofa, and must have placed my new glasses on the end table. Well, waking up in the morning, my glasses went missing. Searching for them all over the house, I went upstairs to find that they were a midnight snack for my greyhound, Siri. I was only able to find about 2/3 of my glasses, with one bow missing (and I am a bit concerned since it is made out of metal). Collecting the 4 pieces of chewed plastic and broken lenses (with a nice canine tooth mark in the middle of one of the lenses), I had to call my optometrist to see if I could get them replaced with exactly the same frames and lenses (after all, I LOVED my glasses).

Low and behold, the assistant at the office must have caught me on a good day, as somehow she convinced me to purchase additional warranty coverage in case something like what I experienced happened. I was a happy guy. All I had to do was to take in the remnants of what was left of my glasses, and I would just have to pay a minimal amount.

Bringing them to the office, they looked at the pitiful pieces on the counter that were my glasses, and laughed. Replacement of the glasses cost me about $80.

The bigger concern however is: I don't know if I want to know where that metal bow is. I'm hoping I find it in the spring in the house, rather than randomly finding it with the lawnmower.

Then again, I'm hoping I don't have to shell out more cash for an unexpected vet bill.

When it rains, it pours....

PV #10

2009-09-20T01:10:00.001-05:00

I felt like crap this morning. It must have been the champagne and the varieties of alcohol that I attempted to try, without having eaten anything. Luckily I didn't have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn this morning. I had breakfast...rather, coffee, with Cat and Janet before leaving for the airport. I managed to get there just fine, and made it through security and ticketing without any issues.

Upon arriving at the gate, someone from Mexicana Airlines had changed the status of my flight to "closed." I wasn't so sure I knew what that meant, since in any foreign country, things don't always translate to English as it should. I was certain, however, that it wasn't "cancelled," which would have been far worse. It certainly threw several passengers into a dither (mostly the non-Mexicans), and it had the possibility to end some short lived marriages (as many couples were there for their honeymoon). In particular, a German couple panicked, so much so that the man blew a gasket, and then literally ran like O.J. to the ticketing counter...on the other side of security. Well, of course he was told that he was at the correct gate, and that they had just put "closed" on the screen to alert passengers that no more people could check-in. I found this strange in that NONE of the other flights had that happen.

Anyhow, upon the German guy's re-arrival at the gate, being all red-faced and sweaty, he started yelling at his wife for making him run all over the airport "like an old mule." I badly wanted to say, "you just looked like a jackass is all."

I made it on the plane just fine, and had my complimentary drink and peanuts. Unlike the airlines in the U.S., I got more than 4. How lucky.

Connecting flights in Mexico City was interesting as well. It certainly was much easier not having to go through immigration. While my connecting flight was very close to where I got off my other flight, the process by which we boarded Mexicana 802 was anything but. Everyone needed to get hand searched, and dispose of any liquids in order to get sent through. The airline attendant did ask for people to board that were elite members, with small children, or needed special assistance, however no one seeemed to pay any attention to her. Apparently everyone but me needed special assistance.

Once on the plane to Chicago, it took forever for us to get going, only to find out (thankfully) that the plane was having mechanical issues, causing everyone to have to get off the plane and go to a different gate where we waited for a new plane to arrive. And the same process with security started ALL over again...with the same result. We ended up leaving an hour and 20 minutes late, partially due to three Mexican fartknockers from first class that decided to tour the entire Mexico City airport before boarding.

Also interesting was the round American woman clad in her best tube top and daisy dukes ranting to the gate agent about the delay, and that she had to be searched again. In that get up, I'm sure it was no thrill for the security people to check her again either.

But we made it off from Mexico City without issues, except that the cabin temperature was about 87, the woefully slow service (such as sitting with finished dinner trays in your lap for 45 minutes), and a Mexican toddler two rows behind me that screamed the whole flight to the point of hoarseness. Thank GOD I saved enough battery power on my iPod. I don't think the experience could have been worse. Then again, where was the Empress to floss her teeth when you needed her to?

I mentioned to the flight attendant that it was really hot in the cabin, to which her response was, "it's much cooler in the back of the plane," which was extremely helpful given that we were on a completely full flight. Perhaps that is the Mexican way of handling conflict, since it reminded me of two times on our trip. One instance was where Janet, Cat, and Monette daily had to call to the front desk to ask for more towels. The third day they asked, they got a resigned "we know" from the staff member.

The second instance was at our last lunch when Monette received a very "smelly" seafood sandwich. Upon going up to the hamburger guy, the waiter came up behind her and asked if her sandwich was ok? Monette, not being shy, said that it smelled funny. The guy looked at her, chuckled a little, and nodded, as if to say, "yeah, I know." What the hell?

Anyhow, I made it to O'Hare just fine, and after having my bag searched in customs, I was able to make it to the bus in time for the 9:30 departure. But, since I was the only one on the bus, I had to go all the way back to the bus terminal, and wait for another 45 minutes for more passengers. I finally made it home by about 12:30, and was grateful to spend the night in my own bed.

The thought of getting up early this morning, however, is certainly NOT attractive. I will say that my vacation with my dear friend Monette, and her awesome friends Cat and Janet, were an incredible way to spend my 40th birthday, with many things to remember.

Now it's back to the grindstone.

PV #9

2009-09-19T18:06:00.003-05:00

The same thing happened yesterday as always, minus having dinner. It was Caribbean night at the resort, and since we had already seen two minutes of the show before hand, we decided that drinking at the bar with our favorite bartender, Antonio (who also turned 40 while we have been here), was a far better option. After all, he hands-down makes the best drinks.

Again, it was hot, humid, and the shaded area where we sat this time by the pool was a very nice change. Cat and Janet decided they wanted to play Scrabble, only to find that the set had way more vowels than normal, and included double l's, double r's, a "ch" and an "n" with the squiggly line. Yes, the Spanish version. They made do with what they had, and had an opportunity to expand their knowledge of basic Hawaiian.

We did try to go to a small Mexican tienda along the beach so that we could find sarongs for the ladies, and some for my nieces. After dinking around for about 25 minutes, having the guy take literally all of his merchandise out of his 3 black plastic trash bags (having been put away from it starting to rain-the only time during the day it rained), he insisted that we pay $25 each for the basic rectangular pieces of fabric with some machined embroidery and sequins. When we offered $40 for the four of them, he quickly snatched them out of my hands, and started folding them to put them back in his bag, saying that he couldn't just give them away.

With the amount of tourists they have seen this year, he might have been better off giving them away...

Anyhow, we started heading back to the resort when he started trying to negotiate again, at $80 for the four sarongs. Needless to say, we kept walking as he muttered some Spanish insults at us in the process.

Still in our swimming suits, we hung out at the bar with all sorts of different people at different stages of their vacations. Many of the people that we ran into were from the Midwest, including a woman who was originally from Lake Geneva, and another woman whose sister lives in the small burg of Sharon.

On the other hand, we did manage to run into some obnoxious Texans with horrible Texified Spanish accents, who kept ending all of their sentences with the duo-syllabic word "shit" (more like she-ot). Antonio asked me in Spanish what the word was they kept saying (and making him repeat like a parrot), and when I told him it was the Texas accent for the word "mierda," his face turned bright red.

That was the last time he said that again.

Finally, Monette, Cat, and I felt that it was necessary to eat (as it was now VERY late in the evening). Antonio scored us a bottle of champagne to celebrate the end of the trip, and we went up and ordered room service.

In doing so, Cat had the opportunity to use her Spanish to order it. Of course though, with the booze, it was a bit tricky, especially because the guy on the other end of the line kept asking a bunch of questions in Spanish. Finally getting stumped, Cat started laughing, only to be told by the guy, "I do speak English, you know." We laughed even harder. Even the Mexicans have sass.

We finished the champagne and much needed food, and went to bed. It was late, but we certainly enjoyed ourselves, and had a lot of laughs. Reality set in when we realized it was the last night of the vacation. Sigh!

PV #8

2009-09-18T09:21:00.004-05:00

Well, yesterday (Thursday) was pretty much the same thing. We woke up, ate breakfast, strolled along the beach, had a morning beverage, soaked up the sun, swam in the pool, and people watched. All the while we were constantly offered drinks during the day. I think I will need a new liver by the time I get home.

The highlight of the day was our evening dinner. There are a lot of options available here in Puerto Vallarta. The problem is knowing first what you want to eat, and then second deciding where to go. So we tried something different. After searching some websites on restaurants in Puerto Vallarta, and getting a lot of spam in the process, we decided to try Fodors.com to see if there were any recommendations. Of course, the recommendations were just as plentiful as the number of options in Puerto Vallarta, so the hope to narrow the choices down wasn't very fruitful.

But, we did look at one restaurant that had a great rating, with reasonable prices for food. Called "Langostino's," it was in Zona Romantica on the south side of the city. From the description, it was set on the beach and was supposed to have great food.

We got our reservation made with the help of the concierge, and then took a taxi to our destination. Janet decided to stay in for the evening, so Cat, Monette and I ventured off in the taxi. As we got closer to the restaurant, the area where the restaurant was was quite quaint, with lots of little cafes all over, small shops, and soft lighting all around the streets. It was very cool, and reminded me of a tropical version of a small European side street.

The taxi driver needed to get redirected to the restaurant, but once he did, we went down to the end of a dead end street. I was thinking for sure that we were lost, or that we were in for a big shock. The driver offered to go out and look to see if we were in the right spot. Coming back to the car, he gave the thumbs up, we got out, and he proceded to tell us that it looked really nice.

There weren't many people around, and we walked down the sidewalk along side of the restaurant, we made a quick left, and there it was. It was LITERALLY on the beach. We went to the maitre d' and he led us to our table. It was right on the beach. We sat, ordered our drinks, and proceeded to get our feet wet from the waves washing underneath the table. We were then moved to our second table, where we were just about set to order, and again, the waves washed underneath our feet, and it started raining.

Third time being the charm, we were finally moved into the main part of the restaurant, which had a beautiful view of the coastline, and an interesting walkway in front, where people would stroll by.

Then the food came. We had queso fundido with chorizo and mushrooms served on tortillas served in a clay pot, a mixed vegetable salad, and Cat ordered oysters Rockefeller (which we found they didn't have later on), which were replaced by breaded bay scallops with a spicy tartar sauce. We got the food, and realized by the portion size, it could have fed the whole city of Guadalajara. Furthermore, the food was FANTASTIC!

After that we chatted, and were then served our main entrees which two of us had lobster and steak, with baked potato and vegetables, and the other had coconut shrimp with a tamarind mango sauce. Again, the food was FANTASTIC!

We had a really nice chat with the woman that owns the restaurant, as she was very curious how we heard about her restaurant. I explained that we were looking for restaurant ideas on the internet, and that her restaurant had 2-3 reviews on Fodors.com that gave it the highest rating one can give. We then told her that was the reason for our visit. She had no idea what Fodor's was, and after explaining to her that it is a HUGE travel guide service, she was somewhat blown away. She went on to tell us that she doesn't advertise like many restaurants, and that she prefers to have her restaurant be known by word of mouth, as the best business is from the referrals her patrons give. I will say this: her restaurant and its food and service fully will live up to the expectations of the referral that one gives. We were far from disappointed, but rather just the opposite: incredibly surprised.

After dinner, the owner gave us an aperatif on the house (tequila) and then we were enticed to try Mexican coffee. It was quite a demonstration. It had lots of fire involved, lots of pouring and mixing a concoction of tequila, kahlua, and rum between two pouring scoops. Then as the fire was still going, they took sugar and cinnamon to coat the rims of the stemmed glassware, searing it to the rim of the glass. The drink was then poured into the glass, topped with some whipped cream, and voila, we had our drinks. Damn they were tasty!

What an enjoyable way to spend on of the last evenings of our vacation, and what a different way to do it. We headed back to the hotel, and arrived just after midnight. We thought we'd try to go up to the rooftop patio bar for a nightcap, only to find a small group of drunk Mexicans talking at foghorn level on a cell phone, and several not-so-happy employees earnestly waiting for everyone to leave. Alas, I guess everyone couldn't be happy...

Again, another great day was had by all, and what a finish to the evening! I would recommend Langostino's to anyone, especially for the ambience and the hominess of the restaurant.

Yeah....I'm loving vacation.....

PV #7

2009-09-17T00:37:00.002-05:00

Today I just hung out. Monette and Janet went zip lining. I'm thinking more and more that I'm glad I was too fat for the activity, because after seeing them come back all somewhat grimy and jungled, I was quite glad I was able to teach one of the bartenders at the lobby bar to make a proper mint julep. And I had several samples of the work.

Anyhow, we spent all afternoon at the pool soaking in the sun. Prior to that, I received a really weird phone call from a guy representing himself to be from Orbitz, wanting to confirm my flight information and ensure that I had adequate transportation to the airport. He had asked me to meet him on the first floor conference center to go over my itinerary, and assured me it wasn't a time share.

I never went, since to me, it sounded like something fishy, and now I am a bit paranoid, and pissed off that somehow this person knows that I booked through Orbitz.
But, I had another drink, nd quickly forgot about this random phone call.

After the pool we went back to our rooms to get ready to head back into Puerto Vallarta to eat at a highly recommended restaurant called, "Barcelona." It was a tapas restaurant. The restaurant is located in the hills of Puerto Vallarta, and is on the third and fourth floors of the building. Getting up to the restaurant, it was a spectacular view of Banderas Bay, the skyline, and boats in the harbor.

Let me tell you this: it also was one of the BEST restaurants I have ever been to. Our menu was shrimp bisque soup, bleu cheese salad, curried checking salad with fruit, Potato tortilla, bas scallops with chorizo, baked goat cheese in a tomato sauce served on crostini, bacon wrapped dates, spicy sauteed shrimp, roasted beets with cheese, and baked eggpland. We all shared each other's dishes. I can honestly say that in all 10 plates we sampled, not a single one of them was weak. It was heaven! The waiter was kind enough to give us some basil ice cream (which was delicious) and some wonderful after dinner drinks to top off the meal. It was fantastic!

We managed to ferret out a taxi, not knowing that the taxi driver had no idea where the hotel we were staying at was. After a couple wrong turns, a couple of sets of directions, and a whole lot of back seat driving from my friend Monette, we managed to see a lot more of Nuevo Vallarta than we had planned. Ah well, we made it back in one piece, so I guess that is the most important thing!

PV #6

2009-09-15T11:19:00.000-05:00

Today was the day we went on the Isis, a sailboat with Pegasus Tours. I have never been sailing in my life, and what an opportunity. We started the day off early, getting to the pier. We had a hard time, however trying to find the pier, as the taxi driver dropped us off at the mall NEXT to the pier. After searching, asking, pointing, and swearing, we all made it in time to our destination.

There were about 16 people on the boat with a crew of 5. What a beautiful day it was! The sun was shining, and a light breeze was blowing. Leaving the pier, we joined people from Iowa, Minnesota, and California who all seemed to be very nice. On our journey, we got to see sea turtles swimming in the ocean, as it is mating season this time of year (which we also had an opportunity to witness). After the totuga porn show, we sailed along to Las Marietas, a national park in Mexico, where we went snorkeling, got to see tons of colorful fish and coral, frigatebirds, and big brown boobies (the birds...mind you). We also got to see tons of the rare blue-footed boobies, and man are they fascinating! After an hour snorkeling, we were taken to a secluded beach on the large volcanic island in Las Marietas, and were able to take in some sun, swim in the ocean (and the water was turqoise blue and VERY warm), and have a couple of drinks before having a wonderful lunch with an incredible rice salad, carrots with a piquant sauce, and cookies for dessert.

We headed back to shore, where we had a stunning dolphin display. 4 pods of dolphins kept swimming near our boat, curious to see what was going on. They were absolutely amazing (and HUGE), and were so close that you could almost touch them. They would surface to take a breath of air, and then dive under the boat to the other side. I have never seen anything like it, and it was an absolute treat. We had an opportunity to experience sailing, and finally reached our destination at the pier at about 4 p.m. The crew was certainly most gracious, kind, and very hospitable, and the tour was an amazing experience that I won't soon forget.

We got back to the hotel, got cleaned up, went to dinner, and chatted. Janet and Monette decided to go back to the room (as they have to be up early tomorrow for their zip line tour), so Cat and I remained. Hector, our waiter, is quite smitten with Cat, and offered to take us out to celebrate the Mexican Independence Day (which is today). Somehow I think that the only reason I got invited was so that Cat would go.

After dinner we were able to see some fireworks at the hotel, and then after a couple of drinks at the bar, retired for the rest of the evening.

Today was a GREAT day, filled with fun, laughter, and some of the most spectacular creatures put on this earth. Nothing could be more enjoyable than that!

PV #5

2009-09-14T23:55:00.000-05:00

Well, today was a day that the ladies decided was a spa day. I didn't really mind either way, because I am not one to really have to be entertained. I figured getting a pedicure would be a good thing. After all, with the callouses on my feet, I thought a little therapy in that area would be a good thing.

While we were getting everything set up for the day, appointments made, etc., we decided to go and check out the alternate tours that would be available. We checked out zip lining and going on a sailboat. We were all eager to try both of those options. Unfortunately, my fat ass didn't meet the weight requirement necessary to do the zip line. It was a bit humiliating to say the least, but then again, I probably would have crapped myself getting up to the necessary platforms, and I figured it probably would have been hotter than hell, sticky, sweaty, and somewhat unpleasant anyhow. I didn't mind just sleeping in, and getting my morning drunk on while the others planned to go. Besides, I have a hard time getting up on a step ladder, let alone be prodded and pushed, and strapped in so that my junk was pushed up to my uvula. I figured I wasn't missing anything. Cat, bless her heart, decided she really didn't need to go (as she had already done it before), and said she didn't want to go either.

After consoling myself in my pity, we did manage to book a sailboat trip that promises to look very good. The weather here has been hot and humid, usually in the lower 90's, and despite the night time rains, there really hasn't been an issue with any other precipitation during the trip.

So I went to my pedicure appointment. Francis was the wonderful young women assigned to do the pedicure. She was a delight, got things all ready, and started working the foot rasp to work the callouses off my feet. She did a great job until she got to my left foot. With what seemed to be much exertion, the was really going to town, exfoliating my feet, and voiding them from the unpleasant callouses. She used so much exertion that the rasp slipped out of her hands, hit my calf, and went smack dab into the middle of the foot bath. Peering over the Conde Nast travel magazine that I was reading in Spanish, I looked down at her, and when she saw me, she started laughing, and started laughing really hard for about 5 minutes. I have to admit, after a few self depricating comments (that I am sure she didn't understand), I was laughing myself. She then said, "I have NO idea how THAT happened," and continued to laugh.

Just about done with the pedicure, Francis went to dry my feet, when she knocked the leather foot rest into the tub as well. She then exclaimed, "I need to go home, this isn't my day." I will say, however, she did an amazing job, despite the mishaps. Furthermore, it turned an otherwise uneventful trip to the spa into one that was very memorable, all thanks to Francis.

Other than that, not much new to report, other than I'm not tiring of the drinks, sunshine, ocean, and pool, not to mention the incredible tan I'm getting.

PV #4

2009-09-14T18:51:00.000-05:00

Well, today, I got to see hatching baby sea turtles on the beach. After having our usual breakfast, and then deciding to lounge on the beach, there was all sorts of commotion occuring closer to the shoreling. Apparently there were about 18 hatchling sea turtles digging their way out of the sand and started to crawl out to the sea. It was absolutely FASCINATING! They were only about 3-4 inches in length, and charcoal greyish black, fins flopping everywhere. It was neat to see the kids take them out to the water, and I got to hold one in my hand before letting it go. It was a very incredible experience.

There wasn't much else that we did today, except once again to lounge, relax, drink, eat, sunbathe, and think about what we could do tomorrow. I will say that we had dinner at the Mexican restaurant in the evening, and the dinner was VERY good. We further enjoyed the Mexican harpist playing live music while we ate. He was very talented, and it was enjoyed.

After having a long dinner and recouping from having a full day in the sun, we all decided we needed to call it an early night, and retired to our rooms. I managed to be able to watch some of the Packer football game before falling asleep right before the end.

Again, what a relaxing vacation this has been, only to be made better by the incredible travel companions of my long time friend Monette, and my new found friends, Janet and Cat. We've certainly had a lot of laughs, and we have really had a great time getting to know each other.

Looks like tomorrow will be a "spa" day. I don't know quite what to think about that, because the thought of someone giving me a massage makes me taste vomit. But, I said I'd join them, being the good "joiner in-er" that I am, and I think I will settle for a pedicure. After all, I do know I love those, and my feet really could use a de-callousing.

PV #3

2009-09-13T02:13:00.003-05:00

Well, today started out with seeing if we wanted to have our dinner out on the beach for one night this next week. After looking at all of the options, we all decided it was best that we just stick to our current game plan, and just find a place that is really nice that we could all enjoy.

After breakfast, we decided to go "off campus" to Old Vallarta, and take a look around the port city. Puerto Vallarta is an older city, and the main central area (in my opinion) is very charming. Walking on one side of the street, there are a lot of shops, bars and restaurants all hawking their wares or services. On the other side of the street there are lots of modern sculptures in bronze, and were able to take some pictures overlooking Banderas Bay. I especially loved the fact that as we walked by, the hawkers kept calling me "Polo" from my t-shirt I was wearing. I have no idea what to think about that, and after awhile, I was wanting to call them something in English, however somehow I feel there would be something lost in the translation, thereby losing the intended effect. Aside from the constant barrage of trying to get us to look at their crap, there really wasn't much else to it. I wanted to say "pienso que todas las cosas son mierda." In English, it would have translated to "your crap is a piece of shit, I don't want it." Alas, I don't want to be that ugly Americano either.

We then stopped at a tequila store, and after trying about 6 different kinds of tequila, and getting some good information about what to do and see in the city, I ended up buying a tamarind flavored tequila which was delicious. After all, Victor was very charming to the ladies, and very helpful. I felt the necessity to buy something.

I can tell you that the weather continues to be hotter than hell, and today, the sun was out all day. We ended up going to El Marisco de Tito, which my lunch was delicious (I cannot say the same for the others). After a great lunch, we then decided to head back to the hotel to suck up some sun. We lounged around the pool for several hours before getting ready to eat. The guys in the palapa by the pool, Jesus, Hugo, Jose, and Cesar really do a fantastic job, and we never went dry the whole afternoon.

We then went to dinner at the Italian restaurant at the resort. I think I had lamb, but it really didn't taste like it. But the wine was flowing, and eh, I didn't really mind.

Puerto Vallarta, and this resort really go out of their way to make guests feel at home. I can't say that the food is overly fantastic, but it's plentiful, and they'll do whatever they can to try to make things the way you want them to be. The service, on the other hand IS fantastic. I'd definitely recommend this place to others, and stay again sometime.

PV #2

2009-09-12T01:37:00.002-05:00

Today started off with going to breakfast and having a wonderful meal. I especially loved the taquitos with bacon and cheese (something that was probably really bad for me but tasted incredibly good) as well as the potatoes.

After breakfast we spent the majority of the time lounging by the pool, soaking up sun and enjoying the warm water in the pool overlooking the bay. Lunch unfortunately was not so great, but then again, we had great service and drinks constantly at our every beck and call. Again, you have to love the service here at the resort, as we found out that it only was at 30% capacity of what it should be.

Later in the evening, there was a Caribbean show that we didn't really see, but could hear (but saw briefly), and then spent time sitting at one of the bars having great conversation, and meeting people from all over. That to me is probably one of the best things I like, as with my group, we are having a ton of fun, and many people come up to us to talk.

After getting ready in the late afternoon (about 6 p.m.), we headed down to the Ocean restaurant. As we walked in, our two waiters from the evening prior were there. I wasn't so sure they WANTED to see us, as it seems like we take a ton of their time asking for all kinds of stuff (mostly drinks, but sometimes food requests), they are more than gracious in serving us. I'd have to say that our servers the last 2 nights have been outstanding, and have certainly been a joy to have!

in the evening, we watched the sun set, we then spent the time just enjoying each other's company, and drinking until we were told to get out. It's really my type of vacation.

Tomorrow, we're planning on taking a water taxi to old town to do some shopping, and then in the evening, we're planning to visit either a fine seafood restaurant, or a tapas restaurant.

We're having a great time, and it's going by very quickly. But I'm sure there will be more stories and pics. Until then, keep posted!

PV #1

2009-09-11T15:12:00.000-05:00

Well, the great Mexican adventure started at 3:15 a.m. driving down to the airport to catch an early Mexicana flight out of O'Hare. I arrived a little before 5 a.m. with very little traffic and amazingly several people at the international terminal. Getting into the terminal, I realized that I had left my cell phone in my mom's car. After fretting about that for a little bit, I realized that it wouldn't have helped me much to have it since I don't have international service. But, that's the worry wart in me.

Getting through security wasn't an issue, and before going through it, I contemplated getting some coffee while I waited to board the plane. Turns out I should have taken advantage of it, since on the other side of security, it's completely void of any meaningful concessions, which NONE of them even served coffee. I was not a very happy camper, since I had no intention of having to go through security again.

About 15 minutes prior to the start of the boarding process, I was approached by a guy in his late 70's, rail-thin, gaunt-faced, and a bad yellowish blonde hair dye job, and immediately I thought it was the male version of the Empress from my previous adventures. It was very bad deja vu. He came up to me with his 4 pieces of carry-on luggage (and I thought you could only take one, but like the Empress, he probably didn't think that it applied to him), set it next to me, and asked if I would watch his stuff while he went to the other side of security to get coffee. Mind you, we're now 10 minutes away from boarding, and knowing security, I don't think he had any concept of time. The other thing was that he didn't want to have to have them re-check his carry on baggage again.

Being the good, responsible Samaritan, I respectfully declined. After all, I had no idea what was packed in his bag, and for all I knew it could have been an incendiary device only to be used later when we landed in Mexico City to hold everyone hostage....just like what happened the day before. He wasn't too pleased with my response, and said "so, I'm just going to have to have all of this re-scanned again." I said, "yep." After all, I am no one's lackey, servant, or bag sitter, and furthermore, I wanted to go on vacation, and not to have to deal with a potential international incident.

Anyhow, the service on Mexicana was fantastic. And, after having tamales for breakfast and whatever I wanted to drink, I couldn't help but think that U.S. air carriers could certainly learn a thing or two about service. It never ceases to amaze me, however, that I always seem to get stuck behind a person that constantly flops backward into his seat so that his face is practically looking up at me. Of course, unlike my flight to Beijing, this person was a short guy with a cheesy moustache, and a bad case of halitosis and sleep apnea.

I will say that the Bimbo cookies (I laughed at this), bun, coffee and other accoutrement were a nice change, and certainly far better than the ramen noodle fish soup that an airline attempted to serve me coming home from Hong Kong. I spent most of the time wondering how I was going to catch my next flight to Puerto Vallarta once I landed in Mexico City, since I had to clear immigration. That turned out to be a non-event, and took only about 5 minutes. Then it was just a matter of finding out where gate B was when all of the gates in the terminal were marked "1-36." After asking a couple of people (and mind you, they were ALL friendly) I got to this big lobby area (my Gate B) to wait for the regional jet gate assignment, since apparently in Mexico, it is a first come first serve basis.

Well, after about 40 minutes, I was able to get to the right gate and was off on the short flight to Puerto Vallarta. The only unsettling thing was that there was a woman sitting two rows in front of me that spent the whole time hacking, coughing, and gagging. I was pretty sure I was going to get swine flu.

I landed in Puerto Vallarta, and as my plane was taxiing down the runway, there was an immediate landing of an Alaska Airlines plane almost landing on top of our plane. And of course, that Alaska Airlines plane contained my friend Monette, and her two friends, Kat and Janet.

Customs was a breeze, but the swarms of hawking taxi drivers outside the terminal was a bit annoying. I just waited for the three of them to go through immigration and customs, and after spending 20 minutes with a guy offering free shuttle service to our hotel (in exchange for sitting in on a time share meeting the next day) we were off on our way.

The hotel is very nice, and the rooms are spacious and modern. So modern that I really didn't know how to turn any of the lights on, or how to make the air conditioning work. It has a jacuzzi tub out on the balcony, and it's got a beautiful view of the bay and Pacific Ocean. Upon arrival, we received hot herbal towels to refresh with, and were immediately served drinks. Now THAT's my kind of welcome.

We then went to the bar, and after eating a mahi mahi dish with bay scallop, octopus, and shrimp (which was very good), we spent most of the time at the table sitting, talking, drinking, and drinking, and drinking. 3 and a half hours later, we then went up to the rooftop bar to hear a decent band play, before retiring for the evening. Kat and Janet are super fun, and we enjoyed each other's company last night.

After getting back to the room, and trying to figure out how to turn the lights off, I ended up sleeping with all of the lights on, the ceiling fans at full blast (a la Hurricane Jimena) and the TV on. Oh well... they did say it was all inclusive. I figured the electricity was included.

Goss-Anon

2009-09-05T22:24:00.002-05:00

I have to ask this question. I am completely vexed by how to handle gossipers. Through my work, my relationships with others, by extended family, and now by others that really have no involvement with my life or that of my immediate family's.

At work, I find it easy to handle gossip. The easiest way is to confront the person directly. The fortune I have is being their supervisor, and if they want their job, they stop immediately. Luckily my workplace has ridden itself of these types of people since I have been there.

With extended family, I seem to throw myself into the confrontation. I just think back to when I was at Thanksgiving at my aunt's house when my dad's other sisters were talking on the sly. One thing I was blessed with was an acute sense of hearing (which my co-workers often find themselves wishing they were in Milton just to have a private conversation), which of course they were ignorant to......HELLO.....I'm a music major.....Yes, I was the one at the dinner table to loudly ask why they were discussing their subject (that they didn't want everyone to know about) and throw the spotlight on them. Mind you, in my opinion, these two sisters are somewhat hardscrabble, so I wasn't surprised seeing them sit there with their pallid, shocked expressionless faces when confronted with my verbal spotlight. I got great satisfaction watching it....let me tell you, and the situation ended.

With close friends and immediate family, I usually don't have an issue, since I seem to just make a mindful correction to set records straight. After all, they're all very important to me.

But to others, especially people I don't really know, I have no problem relishing the sight of their extreme uncomfortableness when they have been caught in spreading rumors, innuendo, or flat out wrong information. The sight of them squirming, turning white as a ghost, nervously listening to your confrontation, and the sheer "not so fresh" feeling they get really is something I enjoy. It probably isn't very Christian of me, nor is it probably the nicest aspect of my persona. Then again, who can stand a liar. And basically, gossiping is one step before lying in my opinion. And I have no time for it, and there's nothing better than catching someone in the act, and watching them writhe their way out of it.

Recently I was made aware of someone shooting her mouth off about my family without having correct information. In this situation, the subject and content of what she was talking about was completely inappropriate and unfounded. Yet this person, a "Christian" woman in a position in her church (the largest protestant church by the fairgrounds in my hometown), felt the need to spread information to others without having any of the facts or even permission. What's even more annoying, this person isn't even involved with my family, aside from knowing who each other are. Furthermore, this person has a habit of doing this, to the annoyance of everyone.

I don't know what to do. I have some ideas, and believe me, I'm formulating words that I may say. I can assure you that if I EVER run into this person, she'll get more than an ear full. In the aftermath, she won't know whether she should scratch her watch or wind her butt.

I typically try my best to avoid people like this, but this situation has me so riled that I'm compelled to say something, and won't regret ANYTHING I say to her when the time comes.

Is it too late to bring back public shaming like the stocks?

Mexican Fiesta

2009-09-03T18:20:00.003-05:00

To say that I need a vacation is an understatement. In looking back at the last 9 to 10 months, I came to the sudden realization that I really haven't had my evenings off. I mean, I love doing all of the things that I do all of the time, but to constantly have rehearsal 4-5 nights a week, church 2 times a week, and other meetings other times during the week, it really doesn't leave much time for me to do much of anything else. This is much to the chagrin of my friends that really have come to not rely on me to be able to do anything.

Turning 40 this year was really a non-event. I mean, I don't really feel much older. I am a bit smarter in my choices I make every day. I still have all 32 teeth, and my hair is greyer and thinner. My body is fatter, but I still feel really no different than, let's say, 35.

So when it came time to think about where I would celebrate my 40th birthday, a couple of friends and I decided several years ago that we would all celebrate in Mexico. Coming up with where was a little bit of a daunting task, but as long as we had lots of booze, lots of sun, lots of fun, it really didn't make much difference.

So over the last couple of months, trying to get our shenanigans in order was somewhat equivalent to wrangling cats: deciding where to stay, what destination to go to, what time of the year, what number of days, what to do, what airline to fly.....everyone seemed to have differences of opinions about what to do. I needed a whole lot of Maalox and some Xanax just to be able to deal with the constant juggling of schedules.

Well, we decided that we would go to Cabo San Lucas. Everything was all set....and of course there was some snags. Turns out that after all it probably was all for the best, as there was a huge hurricane that blasted its way through.

Puerto Vallarta was the alternate choice. I've been there before, but I've enjoyed it. And, barring no major issues, I'm thinking that this should be a great time. I cannot wait to be able to post either pictures or stories on this thing, so that you can get a glimpse of what I am getting myself into.

But, nonetheless, I'm looking forward to all of the things I mentioned, not to mention the much needed respite from my day to day activities.

Check back here often. I'll keep you posted!

MM MM Good

2009-08-09T19:17:00.002-05:00

I thought I would share a recipe I tried today. I was told by my friend Donna that I should start including recipes on this thing. This...my friends...is a winner. Normally when I decide to cook, it never is anything that is simple to make, nor does it have any less that 34 ingredients that require 8 different cooking methods to concoct.

This, however, was a complete breeze, and only uses 9 simple ingredients. Try it out sometime, it's REALLY delicious!

Breezy Florentine Pizza

1 tbsp olive oil

3 cloves of garlic
1/2 pkg fresh sliced portabella mushrooms
1/2 pkg fresh spinach leaves
3 tsp of fresh oregano

1 small chopped banana pepper

1 small chopped mild jalapeno pepper

1/2 pkg of crumbled goat cheese

1 Boboli pizza crust (the thin crust one- it's crunchier)

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Heat a skillet on medium heat (I used a wok and it worked superb). Add oil until heated and add the garlic until slightly brown. Add the sliced mushrooms and saute until softened (approx. 4 minutes). Add the spinach and oregano and cook until the spinach is fully wilted (approx. 1-2 minutes). Add the banana and jalapeno peppers and sautee for about 1 minute. Remove skillet from heat.

Brush the pizza crust with olive oil, and spread 2/3 of the package of crumbled goat cheese on the crust. Spread the mushroom and spinach mixture over the goat cheese, and top with the remaining 1/3 pkg of the goat cheese. Place the pizza in the oven (middle rack) and back for 10 minutes until cheese starts to brown. You may wish to add a couple of tablespoons peccorino/romano grated cheese to the top of the pizza after cooking for 5 minutes.

Remove pizza and slice.

Serves 2

Let me know how you like this! I thought it was wonderful!

I Didn't Think I Was In Madison Anymore...

2009-08-09T18:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, after a long hiatus of not buying anything new, I decided that I needed to venture to Madison to look for some clothing for my upcoming trip to Puerto Vallarta, and needed to get some new black dress shoes that I seem to go through on a frequent basis. After getting the shoes, stopping for lunch, and then heading to Hilldale Mall to the former Marshall Fields (and gosh...I miss that store), I toodled around the store looking for stuff to buy.

I was happy that my wallet would be spared something given the 40 to 50% off that they had on several racks, and after all, I was looking for summer clothing at the end of the summer, and surely I should be able to find good buys. I managed to get 4 shirts, two pair of shorts and a re-stocking of my favorite cologne for next to nothing. When it came to ring up my purchases, I was a little thrown off with the fact that I suddenly realized that the woman at the cosmetics counter was from France, the woman ringing up my purchases was from some Eastern European country, and the two other clerks assisting other "guests" (god I love buzzwords....almost as much as I like getting a mallet to the head) were from Mexico and Turkey (or some other Middle Eastern country...probably Iran) respectively. There wasn't a single person working there at the time that was from the U.S. I almost thought I had somehow teleported to some foreign country. It was disturbing.

Not that my service was bad or anything, but the diminutive Slavic lady that assisted me was very difficult to understand, and Svetlana (I have no idea what her name was...) had one heck of a time getting the security "buttons" (for lack of a better word) off of the clothing. She kept getting distracted by the lack of room behind the check-out counter, and what should have taken just a few short minutes, ended up being about 20.

You see, in all of the distraction, she must have missed one of the security tags on one of the pieces of clothing. No sooner did I try to exit the store that I sent the entire alarm system off in Macy's. It was embarrassing.

I went back to the desk after being eyed up by about 20 "guests" and 10 staff people (none of which were from the U.S. originally), and the Mexican guy proceeded to review my receipt while the Turkish guy went over my clothing. I felt as if I were re-living a "Midnight Express" moment without the illegal contraband.

Again, they let me go, and again....yes....the alarms went off. Finally, seeing that there wasn't anything I had done that was illegal, they allowed me to go on my merry way. How kind of them.

I made it back to Janesville, and started unpacking my purchases, only to find out that on one of the shirts, there was still a security tag hidden under the collar of the shirt. Yes...my foreign staff missed it during their interrogation and search. Needless to say, originally I had thought that I got a great deal on my merchandise, only to have to go BACK to the store the next day (today) and have them take the security button off. After all, I didn't want the shirt to be ruined by the explosive dye pack that was attached to it.

All the way up to Madison, I kept fretting about having to explain why, as I came into the store, I set off the alarms. I kept rehearsing what I was going to say to the clerk, and kept worrying about whether or not it would even be the same personnel (god...let's hope so) that would be there when I arrived. Then I realized I didn't have my cell phone on me, which panicked me for the fear I had about being called into the manager's office and having to explain myself to security staff and the Madison police, because I was beginning to convince myself that it was going to happen. God, I said to myself, I hope THEY speak English.

Of course, I arrived 10 minutes early in my earnestness to get there, for the store didn't open right away. So yes, I still had to stew some more while I waited in my car. I went so far as to check out the parking lot and count the 14 people that were waiting to get in. I thought it would be best to let them all go in first, wait about 10 seconds, and then enter alone, just in case my delusion became reality.

Yes, I set the alarms off again.

I could have thrown up at that point.

I was then assisted by another lady (I think she was from the Philippines) who didn't even question the tag. She requested to see the receipt only to see which clerk it was that helped me yesterday in order to remind her that she needed to do a better job the next time. Then she apologized profusely for the error and inconvenience.

Wow. It was that simple. What a let down!

Well, instead of the shirt costing $40, it now cost an additional $10 with the mileage and gas expense it took to get there. And, one more thing....some jackass on the interstate kicked up a stone that put a crack in my windshield which now has to be fixed (yes, another unplanned expense)

My bargain, I'm finding out, isn't so much of a bargain anymore.

Oh well...

Florida 2009 #6

2009-06-13T08:01:00.000-05:00

We awoke yesterday morning to the excitement of the girls spotting Easter eggs that were hidden all over the first floor of the beach house. They were really excited to find additional surprises on the dining room table, a floppy eared bunny hat for each of them, an egg collecting bag, and a baby chick that chirped when you put it in your hand. They loved all three, especially little Hannah, who wore her bunny hat all day yesterday, and held her little “palm pal” in her hand (and slept with it too…causing it to chirp intermittently throughout the night last night.
Anyhow, after having breakfast, we all did our separate things. My main objective was to make sure that I came home with some sort of a suntan. From what I can tell this morning, I think I do…but time will tell when I get to work tomorrow morning. Rudy was busy piling up a big mound of sand so that he could make a sandcastle, my mom, Mickey, and I were all laying in the sun, and the girls were down on the beach having a ball in the waves.

Later on in the afternoon, Sarah, my mom, and I decided to talk a walk down the beach. Mom had picked a landmark to which we would walk, and we headed out on our way. I should have been a little leery about this, mainly because I am not so sure what kind of judgment of distance my mom has. I recall our trip in Hong Kong where she insisted that we could walk from Kowloon to Stanley Market, though it was several miles away by road. This house that we were venturing towards was like Stanley Market from where we were staying on the beach. As we kept trying to walk closer and closer to the house, the landmark kept getting farther and farther away. Finally, I think Sarah and I had enough walking, and we decided to head back. Well, we were WAY away from the house. With mom looking for seashells, Sarah making drawings in the sand as we made our way back, and me having to go to the bathroom, it seemed like we would never get back.

After Sarah got some sand in her eye, mom and Sarah thought it would be best that they walk along the road back to the beach house instead of the beach. After all, the winds were quite gusty, whipping up sand all over the place. I, however, continued heading back on the beach. Upon making it back to the house, I was certain that for some odd reason I would see Sarah and my mom back before me. Since they were the ones with the walkie-talkies in communicado with home base (my brother), I was sure that they would ask someone to come pick them up. As I kept stewing about it more and more walking along the beach, I noticed that my walking pace had picked up quite a bit. My brother commented that he saw me walking back and that I looked like I was on a mission. And I was: to get back.

Well, knowing that Sarah didn’t have shoes on, and that I wasn’t so sure there was an easy route back to the house, I thought it best that I grab the keys to the car, and went out to pick up my mom and Sarah. They were extremely grateful for the ride, but we managed to have a good laugh, as Sarah was very concerned about having to walk in areas where it said “no trespassing” or “private property” and was sure that she was going to go to “juvie.”

As Sarah has been keeping a journal as I mentioned before, the first words out of her mouth when she got back to the house was, “I am going to have a LONG story about this….and it AIN’T gonna be pretty!”

We had supper in the evening, and as we were waiting, the girls came running back into the house saying that there were some young girls smashing their dad’s sand castle. Sarah was all about going down to the beach to give them a piece of her mind. She invited the other two girls, and Becca and Hannah were following behind. Once Becca got into the mix, she was hell bent for leather on her way down, and blew past Sarah. As they got down to the end of the boardwalk, Sarah lingered around having stopped, and Becca was determined to give these “mean girls” a little instruction. Of course, she couldn’t do it without her protector, Hannah, there for support (even though she is the littlest of the three). It ended up to be little Hannah that did all of the talking, and the other two just hung back to watch.

Well, of course the girls were all hot and bothered by the time they came back to the house, and really…the sand castle was more of a big pile of sand that had yet to be shaped into a castle. But they were irritated all of the same. My brother and I got talking about it, and started laughing. These little girls were from the South, having said “y’all” to them. Sarah thought they were from Texas and immediately proclaimed that all Texas girls are mean. I proceeded to tell her that we should just give Texas back to Mexico then. Rudy, on the other hand, said that they should have told them from their actions, “We now know why the North won.” The girls didn’t get it. I almost had wine come out my nose.

After the girls were calmed down, we had dinner, and then got ready to watch “Dancing With the Stars” before going to bed.

I had to get up earlier this morning, so that I would be able to get all of my stuff packed up in my duffle bag, so that it wasn’t all over the house, and then all of my electronics in my book bag so that I can take them home with me on my way back to Wisconsin today. This morning is very cold (probably low 40’s), and we actually had to turn on the heat in the house, as the thermostat said 61.

I have had a great time in Florida yet again, and I think for the most part I am mostly unwound. The good thing is that I only have a short week this week, with Friday being shortened by 3 hours due to it being Good Friday.

I am not so sure I am ready to go back to work, as I really have enjoyed the warm weather, the ocean, the sunshine, and Florida. But, alas, I have to pay for my house and make a living somehow.

Florida 2009 #5

2009-06-13T07:59:00.000-05:00

It’s really amazing how when it’s a completely overcast, how one still can get an incredible amount of sun. My face and cheeks are incredibly hot, and I think my kneecaps are on fire. But yesterday, it was very sunny all morning, and then became somewhat cloudy in the afternoon. We took a long walk along the beach, and we found several different shells. We also found a crab, still alive and mostly whole, but was missing the smaller of his two claws. Most of what we’ve found over the last week and a half is dead parts of crabs, mostly back shells and claws.
Coming back to the house, after spending an entire day on the beach, we made (or I should say Grandma made) all of the stuff that one would normally make tacos. Before coming to Florida, my mom and I were talking about what we were going to have to eat when everyone was here. One of the items was to have tacos. Because tacos can be somewhat cumbersome, I suggested we have tacos in a bag.

Yes, tacos in a bag. I would have to say that whoever came up with that idea was a sheer genius. I first came across this idea at work when a co-worker sold these as a United Way fundraiser. In essence, it’s taking everything that you would normally put in a taco, and put it into an individual sized bag of Fritos, and then eat it straight out of the bag.

Anyhow, Sarah had the idea that we all needed to have a picnic dinner on the beach. Luckily with having the tacos in a bag, we were able to accomplish this. At first, Becca insisted that she didn’t want to have them, that she needed to have regular tacos, as tacos in a bag were NOT tacos, and that they would not taste as good. After a little bit of convincing (and telling her they were unconventional tacos), she finally gave in and agreed to try them. Well, they were a big success, even for the grown ups. We then had dessert: a choice of lemon or orange cake from a coffee cup.

It was “Ingenuity Supper Sunday,” as these cakes only took about a minute. Yes, you take a 1/3 cup of cake mix, 3 tablespoons of water, and nuked in a microwave for 1 minute. The cake mix can be just about anything that you want, so long as it’s completely mixed with one box of angel food cake mix. Serve it up with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and voila! You have dessert.
Again, it was a big hit for the girls.

By the time we got done, it was time for the girls to go to bed. After all, it was a really long day for them considering the late night arrival and beach walk the night before, coupled with the fact that they were extremely excited about being able to be out on the beach early in the morning. Before retiring for bed, my brother, sister-in-law, my mom, and I had a before bed cocktail, and then hid Easter Eggs for the girls to find when they get up tomorrow morning.

It should be really fun to see how excited they’ll get!

Florida 2009 #4

2009-06-13T07:57:00.000-05:00

This morning I was up at about 7:15 a.m. I was watching the news on television, when all of a sudden, I was pleasantly surprised by being awoken by my niece Sarah. Of course it was time to go to the beach. So Sarah, Becca, Hannah, Grandma, and I all got ready. We wanted to make sure that we didn’t wake up my brother and sister-in-law, as they had had a long day of traveling yesterday.

We walked along the beach quite a ways. We did a lot of searching around for shells, and had a nice time enjoying walking along the shore. We were passed by a couple of overly ambitious runners, who looked extremely uncomfortable running along the beach. Perhaps it was that they felt like they were cast members of “Baywatch”. I mean, on television, it looks so easy to run along the beach. From the looks of their strained running, it looked more like death watch. No matter how much they tried to look like they were enjoying themselves, their pained faces, strained expressions, and overheated reddish-tinted skin said otherwise.

Anyhow, we were greeted once again by Buddy the Labrador Retriever puppy (the one I mentioned yesterday who had the affinity for taking his master for a walk instead of the other way around). After greeting us, his master called him back. Immediately, Buddy turned on his heel, and went back to his master. Sarah immediately said, “Dory would never do that. I don’t think we could teach her to do that.” It just struck me funny, as I know for certain that my two hounds upon seeing the beach and especially the ultra-light plane that flew overhead, would be at St. George Island in about 4 seconds flat.

I had some awesome quality time with my niece, Hannah, who has quite an imagination, and was building houses in the sand with chimneys that were about 30 feet tall. She then started telling me (by drawing) how Santa Claus was stuck in this chimney (and at thirty feet with his girth, I’m not surprised), and that Mrs. Claus had to push him out. It was adorable.

I wish I still had that kind of imagination!

Florida 2009 #3

2009-06-13T07:53:00.002-05:00

Today we went to Apalachicola early in the morning to check out an Art Fair that happened to be going on. The only thing was that when we got there we couldn’t find exactly where we needed to be. After circling around Apalachicola (which, mind you, ended up being a very small circle), we happened to go past some unsavory parts of the city, we passed by three different cemeteries all right next to each other which I found rather strange, and we saw a group of african american people standing outside someone’s house waiting for a wedding to occur. The unusual thing about the wedding was that I felt we were passing by the staging of “Cops-Apalachicola” in that no sooner did we drive by that we saw about 3 or 4 police cars pull up. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I was guessing that something more was going on than just a wedding.

Anyhow, we ended up going back into town, and stopped at the Visitor’s Center, where my mom got us a map and a listing of all of the different exhibitors. Well, it turns out that not only did we not know where to go, but we were also about 2 hours early. And no, it didn’t mean that we were two hours early because we were still on Central Time, but two hours early/same time zone. We decided to toodle around the city to check out all of the shops in the downtown area.

Apalachicola’s main downtown area is very old, and in parts reminds me of New Orleans with some of the warehouses that are lined up along the street. There are a couple of really old antebellum houses, as well as some really old bungalos. Apalachicola has a lot of artisans, and a lot of artsy type shops around it in its main downtown area. Once you get out of the main 6-7 blocks however, you get into major hicksville. Even worse, you know that something is wrong when the IGA supermarket is way nicer than the Piggly Wiggly, and the checkers have more teeth.

Anyhow, while walking from block to block, we got to see a really cool pet store complete with dog and cat outfits and costumes. I’m not one to be much fond of dogs and costumes, but I have to admit some of them were pretty darn cute. In fact, I was tempted to get the “Dogzilla” costume for Dillon, but something tells me that he’d more look like a very lithe iguana rather than a T-Rex. We then went to Tamara’s Tapas Café where we had a couple of cafes con leche and a couple of small things to eat. My mom said her dried fruit scone was ok, but that the fruit wasn’t the only thing that was dry in it. My mocho-choco-latta-ya-ya mini bundt cake, on the other hand, was fantastic. After finishing up, we were able to see an artist’s display of very intricate paper cutting and paper manipulation that was really interesting.

We then went over to an Orvis store. We had been at this same store once before, and the same lady that was working last year was working again this year. Honestly, this woman looks like a Southern Belle, but with a sour attitude. Now, my perception of a Southern Belle is that sickly sweet charming persona that always wants you to feel welcome and wants to be polite and hospitable. They are usually soft-spoken, and smile a lot, all the while leaning on their drawl like a tired and overused excuse. This woman, while soft-spoken, was quite a negative Nancy. Even when my mom was trying to pay this woman a compliment, this Southern Bomb didn’t even know how to react let along get the compliment itself. Orvis, usually being over-priced and very ordinary in their merchandise, was yet again a disappointment. So we left.

By then it was about noon, and we noticed several of the vendors were now set up.

Unfortunately, NONE of them had anything remotely close to anything that I would even consider buying. Bad photography, bad watercolor art, bad oil paintings, and spread out over a 4 block circle, it was just a disappointment. So we decided we were going to have some lunch at the Apalachicola Grill.

Lunch was fantastic, although the service was a bit slow and unremarkable. There were a lot of people in the restaurant, and there were a lot of people lined up outside waiting to get in. But, after having a delicious lunch of coconut shrimp with orange marmalade and sweet tea, I can totally see why.

We came back to the beach house and spent most of the afternoon lounging in the sun. My face feels extremely warm as do the tips of my ears. I also notice that occasionally I get the chills, even though the temperature outside is about 75. Perhaps next I’ll go into heatstroke and shock. Wouldn’t THAT be a great way to spend my vacation.

Anyhow, we took it easy the rest of the day, and then waited for my brother and his family to make it down to the beach. They arrived at about 9 p.m., and immediately it was a flurry of excitement and activity, as the girls were shrieking wanting to get out to the beach. I chuckled at the sight, as they were extremely excited. With flashlights in hand, and then the 7 of us in tow, we walked out to the shore, where it was quite starry, and the silvery moon cast its light on the beach. It was pretty incredible. I was hoping that we would see some creatures scurrying along the beach, but no luck.

After having some food, the energy level certainly dropped quite a bit. Sarah sat next to me writing in her new journal, and had me listen to everything that she’s writing. She has beautiful penmanship, and really knows how to write. She asked me how to spell computer, and I happily obliged. I asked her why she needed to know how to spell it (smiling), and then asked her if she was writing about me. Of course she denied it, and then smiled and giggled….typical woman!

We’ll see what tomorrow brings!

Florida 2009 #2

2009-06-13T07:48:00.002-05:00

So this year in Florida has been very different from the last several years in that for a good share of the week that I have been down here, we have had rain. What’s interesting is that in talking to some of the locals either at the rental office or at restaurants, is that they have had extremely unusual amounts of rain: so much so that there have been several flash flood warnings all around the county we’re in, which is Gulf County. I keep saying to myself that I’m grateful that we are not in Fargo where yet again it’s blizzarding, raining, and the north-running Red River is about 20 feet over flood stage.

We have had the opportunity to go out after a couple of the rain storms, to find many of the bayous and ditches completely filled with water. In many of the ditches, the water has turned somewhat brownish due to the tannins in a lot of the vegetation. The other thing that we’ve noticed with all of the rain is that there is a pervasive smell of sulfur every now and then. I have no idea where it comes from, as to whether it’s the actual rain itself, or the decomposing vegetation. It isn’t, I am certain, a by-product of flatulence, though it does remind me of what Detroit smells like. And GOD do I love Detroit….I keep telling myself that we should just let Canada have it, the city, all of its suburbs, and all of the people that live there.

I will say that the one thing that I love the most about being down here in Cape San Blas is the abundance of seafood that is available, either in the supermarket, roadside shacks, or restaurants. We have had shrimp we have now fixed twice ourselves, the second time was shrimp that was steamed in old bay seasoning, served with remoulade sauce. It was wonderful.
We managed to go to Boss Oyster for dinner on Wednesday night, where I had bay scallops and red snapper. When the server came out with my food, it reminded me a lot of when I had to go to Baltimore to accompany a friend of mine when she was auditioning at Peabody Conservatory. We went out for dinner and I had ordered clams (one of my favorite things). Expecting a normal serving (and somewhat startled by the inflated price of my dinner choice), I was overwhelmed to see that when the server came out with a HUGE platter, I figured it was going to be served “family style.” Well, the platter was piled high (about 4 inches to be exact) with clams. And they were all for me. I have never seen (or eaten) so many clams in my entire life. It was as if they kept multiplying on my place as I was eating. I felt as though I couldn’t get ahead. Funny, I haven’t been anywhere since where they have served clams anymore. Perhaps I ate them all…
Anyhow, at Boss Oyster, the food was fantastic (and abundant), overflowing with bay scallops (the small bite-sized ones) and with two huge red snapper fillets. Combined with the Yuengling beer, and a great view of pelicans at rest on the wharf, it was a great evening despite the soggy conditions.

On Thursday, it was VERY rainy. In fact, when my mom and I were sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Upwords, it was about 10:30 a.m. and you would have thought that it was about 10:30 p.m. The sky was almost pitch-black. As we turned on the news to see all of the dark red splotches swirling around the Cape where we were at, the sky looked like a three layered salad. The bottom layer was the brownish-white sandy beach, the second layer was the white sky on the horizon, and the top layer was the pitch-black clouds. It was really eerie. The lightning over the Gulf was pretty spectacular to watch. After trying to get a chance picture of lightning over the bay, I eventually gave up. I was feeling like I was my mother when we were traveling from Paris to Turin on the TGV. Every time my mom wants to take a picture of something, by the time she gets the camera out of her quart sized Ziploc bag camera case, gets the item in focus, the picture composed, and her finger on the trigger, she’ll take the picture, only to have completely missed what it was that she was originally trying to photograph. I always chuckle about this, because (being the smart-ass that I am) my comment to my mom was, “you may have 1000 speed film, but you have a 200 speed finger.”

On Friday, we went to the lighthouse point on the Cape, to see if we could find any interesting and different seashells that we haven’t been able to get. It really is something to find all of the different kinds, and where some types of shells are more abundant than others in different parts of the beach. I figured that with the recent severe and gusty weather, the stuff churned up and thrown on the beach may be interesting. We were not disappointed. We managed to find about 5-6 large lightning whelk shells (that I have never seen anywhere else on the beach) and many larger scallop type shells that we left for others to appreciate.

We then came back to the house and literally spent a good portion of the remainder of the day sitting in the sun, walking along the beach, and enjoying the 78 degree SUNNY weather! At least I think I have gotten some color. I was getting worried that I was going to be pasty white even after getting back home.

Last night, we then went to a brand new restaurant (brand new meaning that it wasn’t in business last year when my family was here) in Simmon’s Bayou, which is between the Cape and Port St. Joe. We walked up to Gracie O’Malley’s, and were led outside to the back, where there was a beautiful and large deck overlooking the bay. It had quite an amazing view of the bay from our tables and rocking chairs. Our server was really good, making very convincing suggestions to us about what to have on the menu. My mom ordered stuffed shrimp, and I ordered stuffed flounder.

It is really amazing to me that I would even order fish yet again. My brother would have been completely surprised. I’m not much of a fish person. However, depending on where I am, and how it’s served, I will eat fish. I just am not particularly fond of “fishy” tasting fish. This flounder was anything but. It was INCREDIBLE. While I have to admit that I was a little nervous about having to take the skin off of the fish (as well as the tail), and was feeling a little gun shy. After eating the first bite, I devoured the rest of the fish with gusto. Served with an appropriately delicate sherry creamed crab sauce, and a cornmeal and crab based stuffing, the delicate flavor of the flounder wasn’t overpowered. It was great!

We ended up ordering dessert to go, and later on in the evening (with some coffee) we were able to each enjoy a very tasty slice of peanut butter pie. I could tell that the pie was going to be rich, as my cheeks were starting to sweat.

Waking up this morning (Saturday), it’s another glorious day. The sun is shining, there is relatively little breeze, and there’s not a whole lot of people that come to this part of the Cape (called Indian Pass). We have designs on going to an art festival and farmer’s market this morning, and I am planning to spend more time trying to get a bit more color before I head home.

My brother, my sister-in-law, and my three nieces are making their way down as I write this, and I look forward to spending some time with them for a couple of days before venturing home.

Florida #1

2009-06-13T07:43:00.003-05:00

Well, I am on vacation. We started the journey south on Friday after I had gotten done with work. I had to quick get things put together, and then throw it into the car, and then headed over to my mom’s house so that we could be on our merry way. After leaving the house, I wasn’t so sure that I had remembered everything. I find that often I feel this way any time I travel. But, I figure, so long as I have clean underwear, my contacts case, my glasses and my wallet (and my car keys…as I will need to pick up my car at the bus depot upon my return back home), I will be just fine.

Anyhow, my mom was the one that started the drive, and of course, noting that she was getting about 30 miles per gallon with a full load in her CR-V, she was quite pleased. We continued until it got dark, and then it would be my turn to drive. That was about in Effingham, Illinois. The name “Effingham” really cracks me up. I don’t know why, aside from the fact that I imagine myself being at a Thanksgiving or Easter gathering at one of my dad’s sibling’s houses (very much being in the past, I assure you). I then imagine being served with whatever mystery meat we would have (as I can remember on about 2 or 3 occasions it was supposed to be turkey or ham, but for some reason we didn’t know for certain since the meat would have a grey hue to it). I then imagine my brother asking me what it was, and wittily, I would respond, “It’s effing- HAM!).

Anyhow, we stopped at a Culver’s to at least eat something before we continued driving. We were suddenly startled by a younger man (I would say he was late teens or early twenties) who ran in front of us, and hid around a partition, and then looked in both directions. Both my mom and I looked around to see if he was hiding from some younger kids (like nieces or nephews or such), but not seeing anyone under the age of 20 in the restaurant, nor any men in uniform or lab coats donning a straight-jacket, we figured the guy was either part cat or autistic.
Anyhow, I continued driving towards Paducah, our final destination. Of course with my driving, my mom was quick to note how driving over 70 miles per hour causes the gas mileage to go down (yeah…to like 28.5 instead of 30). It was night time, and while we were driving, we were noting how the temperature would rise little by little. And I really didn’t care about the gas mileage at that point.

We got to Paducah at about 10:30 p.m. I have decided that Illinois is much better to drive through at night, when you cannot see how really flat and boring your scenery is for the 6 hours you drive through it.

When we got to the hotel, a college aged guy with really bad hair and dorky glasses was checking the reservation, and at first told my mom that they cancelled the reservation because the reservation required a 6 p.m. check-in time. I told him he had better check again. Well, upon further review, he then proceeded to over-apologize for his error. We did have a room after all. Thank god.

We got up the next morning, and checked out of the hotel and headed to the nearest Bob Evans we could find, which was right down the street. I love Bob Evans Restaurant. I had to have sausage gravy and biscuits, which (I would have to say) is my FAVORITE breakfast known to mankind. Our server was a woman by the name of Trey, who had quite a saucy attitude. So saucy was her attitude that the manager, upon checking how everything was with us, was a little shocked that she got a compliment. The food was great, and was a great way to start off the morning.

We continued our trek through Kentucky, getting to Nashville, then Brentwood (where we have stayed in the past). I would have to say that this was the first time I have ever been through Nashville where it hasn’t been a monsoon, a typhoon, a severe thunderstorm with hail, or the like. However, we were warned that all day that we would be experiencing severe thunderstorms all the way to our final stop of the day, Dothan, Alabama. We did notice, however, the mile upon mile of trees along the interstate that were snapped off at the tree trunk from a horrible ice storm that they had all along the route this past winter. Come to think of it as well, I don’t think I have ever been to or through Tennessee without the state having some extreme case of bad, extreme, or severe weather.

Well, it was sunny almost the whole way, with just a little bit of rain around Birmingham. We had planned to stop at Webb’s BBQ at mile marker 32, which was a little shack along the side of the highway right before getting to Dothan. This was a place where we were going to stop (upon the advice of a couple of friends of mine) last year but the timing was off. Well, they weren’t open. It didn’t look like they were in business either.

Well, we got to the Fairfield Inn in Dothan at about 5:30 p.m., and checked into the room. I would have to say that it was the cleanest hotel of any hotel I have been to anywhere in the U.S., and the lobby hostess and manager were probably the friendliest, most courteous people I have ever experienced. When we got to the room, it was also probably one of the cleanest, freshest smelling hotel rooms I have ever been in ANYWHERE. We were also told that had we arrived earlier, we would have gotten caught in one of the heaviest of rainstorms they have had in a LONG time. In some areas, as we saw on the news, they had up to 11 inches of rain. We were just thankful that we missed the storms altogether, and that there was no snow or ice to have to contend with.

We decided that we wanted steak for supper, so we went to the local Outback Steakhouse (yes, like Hong Kong, they had one in Dothan). Three things came out of that experience. First, I found that my favorite beer is now Yuengling Lager. Two, that my mom was very gullible in thinking that her water was her beer (and the server nervously twittered, and said “you’re joking, right?”….and NO, she wasn’t joking). And three, that we had two of the best steaks ever. I have decided that I like a bleu cheese crust on my steak, and surprise!...I like potatoes.
We went back to the hotel and were able to sleep in late. We got up, got everything ready for the final jaunt to the beach house, ate at the same Cracker Barrel we ate at before. I was able to get a really cool Alabama t-shirt (and no…NOT the country musical group….), and some cool things for the nieces for Easter. We then ventured off.

We got to the beach house at about 3 p.m. on Sunday afternoon, and were pleasantly surprised by the house. It’s newer, it’s got a HUGE kitchen, nice dining room, comfortable living room furniture, a really cool screened in porch, it is only about 50 yards to the water, and is really nice. I would have to say that it is my favorite house. The table in the dining room I haven’t been able to figure out. It’s very 70’s, and very low, with director’s style chairs on casters. I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be Ginza of Tokyo or the Regal Beagle.

We went into town, and had grouper, hush puppies, and fries at the Dockside Grill in Port St. Joe, and then were able to get up late the next morning. We spent the whole morning and part of the afternoon on the beach Monday. We then did some shopping at the local Piggly Wiggly, and then stopped at the Port St. Joe Shrimp Co, where we got shrimp for dinner. Mom made “beach shrimp” which was very similar to shrimp de jonghe, and the shrimp were fantastic. Of course, my duty was to devein the shrimp. I got to thinking that I should have been born in the middle ages, because I would have been a pro at disembowelment. Then, in thinking about it more, I found that thought to be very gross, and continued to devein the shrimp.

Today, we walked a long ways on the beach, ran into several different people with their dogs, a mature Irish Setter named “Mr. Bean” and a labrador puppy named “Buddy,” who was more inclined to grab hold of the leash and take his master for a walk instead. Had my greyhounds been here, they would have thought they landed on the moon and probably run back home before I knew what happened.

Anyhow, I have enjoyed my time so far at the beach. I actually get to watch television, wake up without an alarm, have multiple days in a row where my day isn’t programmed, and weather that has so far been cooperative and above 70 during the day.

What more could a guy wish for!

Florida 2009

2009-06-13T07:40:00.004-05:00

It's been a while since I have really posted anything to my corner of the technological world, so the following are some entries I have neglected to add from my trip to Florida this past Spring. As many of you may or may not know, my family spends part of our vacation time in beautiful Cape San Blas, Florida, which is about 45 miles east of Panama City. It's an incredible place, with lots of beaches, surf, and sunshine. This year I was fortunate enough to be able to spend part of the time with my entire immediate family.

Hope you enjoy.

Taxconsin

2009-05-21T21:05:00.004-05:00

Wisconsin's governor sure knows how to tax everything. We've seen taxes on liquor and gasoline. We've seen increased tax burdens on business within our state, especially in the financial sector in which I work...so much so, it's no surprise that we have difficulty in attracting any business in their right mind to set up home in our state. It's no wonder when you drive along I90 north from Beloit, how many businesses set up shop right along the border: in Illinois, along with a myriad of new houses.

I am miffed at how anyone as "brilliant" as our fine governor is can honestly make anyone believe that he can attract new jobs in the state, where we're already reeling from skyrocketing unemployment, foreclosures, and a depressed economy. And yet the majority of the citizens in Wisconsin continue to put like-minded officials into office. It truly astounds me.

Where does it end?

Unrealistic liberals from Madison and Milwaukee have certainly done a number on our state. I can only liken it to how ridiculous, unrealistic, intrusive, and expensive legislation and legislative ideas come out of our leadership in Washington, DC, under the leadership of delusional liberals from California. All one has to do is to look at the political cesspool that is California to really find out how screwed up of a state a bunch idealistic liberals can make.

I don't know if you're like me, but I bet if you lined up 50 different people, one from each state, you could almost always pick out the one from California. They're the one living in some fantasy world thinking they were at Disneyland. Yes, the US has 49 states and California. Perhaps we should sell it to Mexico, and use the money to pay for all of the programs that our current "fantasy island" president wishes to implement.

For that matter, why not throw in the cities of Madison and Milwaukee while we're at it, and do the people of Wisconsin a favor.

Aren't we tired yet of the unbridled recklessness we're starting to see? And isn't anyone concerned?

Ugh.....just another day in Taxconsin.

Full Contact Optometry

2009-05-04T19:58:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since my last post, and I am working to get some entries put together to make up for lost time. However I feel compelled to share my visit to the optometrist today.

Having recently had some changes to my insurance coverage, I had to change optometrists. At first glance, I was rather impressed that I was able to get in right away today, after calling earlier this morning. It was a convenient time, and very convenient from where I work. Luckily, unlike my last experience with my former optometrist, my doctor didn't have to leave while I was sitting in the "chair" in order to respond to some contractors that had set off alarms at his home, only to leave me sitting in the chair for over an hour.

No. This didn't happen.

Nor did this doctor screw me over (yet) with some ridiculously priced merchandise.

It was interesting, however, that the assistant had one HELL of a time getting my information on the computer. Now, I have to admit that at times I talk to myself whenever I'm trying to figure out something. This woman was (I hope) asking a constant string of rhetorical questions. On a couple of occasions, I found myself answering them, though I shouldn't have.

Then, when trying to pull up my record on the computer, she asked me, "your name's not Arnold, is it?" Hmm....no...last time I checked, it wasn't.

After a battery of tests, I met the doctor. He isn't the friendliest, and I didn't see him crack a smile once during the interaction. In fact, on one occasion as he was leaning the special chair back, something gave way, and I felt as if I should either be a) on the Space Shuttle Endeavor, or b) a victim of Sweeney Todd. And I started to laugh. I was surprised that I didn't jettison backwards out of the chair.

Well, after getting my eyes dilated (and I thought my eyes looked really cool), they asked if I wanted to check on some new frames for glasses. Unfortunately, being blind as a bat, I would never know what they look like. My fear is that I would choose some SPED glasses that would have people question my mental capacity, especially in a professional setting. I respectfully declined.

Well, I did manage to get a new set of contacts, and have to go back to the doctor for a follow up appointment. I hope at least this time they know my name, and that they don't try dumping me in the gargantuan meat grinder that most certainly is in their basement.

Luckily, there's no restaurant attached to the doctor's office. So I have got THAT going for me at least...

Under Lock and Key

2009-03-17T11:47:00.002-05:00

Today I had to venture down to the Armory, again. I say again because last night before going to play rehearsal, I realized that I needed to get a gift certificate for someone at work. So I went.
Not looking up the times that they are open, which was my first mistake, I figured, "they serve dinner, they have a restaurant....so certainly I should be able to get a gift certificate from someone there."

How wrong I was.

Getting there at about 20 minutes past 6 p.m., I caught the attention of the hostess, who was in having what seemed to be a personal conversation with a man behind the desk in the office. She glanced at me once, then again, then re-engaged herself back into the conversation. Realizing that I just wasn't going away (and I NEVER do when I am on a mission), she put on her best Pat Nixon smile and ask if I needed something. I told her I needed a gift certificate for $100.

She clenched her teeth, sucked in her breath and said, "gee...I'm sorry, the person from the box office just left." I asked her what that meant, and she said,"gift certificates can only be given out at the box office, and they just left 2 minutes ago." When I asked if she was serious, she said, "yeah, I'm afraid so." I then asked, "so there's absolutely no way that I can buy a gift certificate to the Armory." Quickly, she said, "nope, I'm sorry. You have to come back when the box office is open. They are the only ones that can ring up a gift certificate."

Now, in these trying economic times where restaurants, theatres, and any unnecessary frills are often eliminated due to economizing, I would have thought that they would have been eager to sell $100 to me. Apparently, the Armory is not hurting for business like the rest of Janesville is.

So, I trekked down there again this morning, just after they opened the box office. After all, I was following their rules. The young guy behind the glass partition got my gift certificate, and then proceeded to tell me that I needed to follow him up to the host's station so that he could ring up my purchase, as they weren't able to do it in the box office.

How interesting, they couldn't process the payment in the box office. They couldn't get the gift certificate at the host's station. Sounds like a very plausible system to me.

I should have just gotten the person at work a gift certificate somewhere else where you can do everything all in the same spot. Little did I know that those gift certificates were like gold in Fort Knox. Apparently it's called "The Armory" for other reasons.

Inside Out

2009-03-12T11:25:00.002-05:00

It happened again today.

My worst fear was realized: part of my clothing was inside out. And I walked into work. I literally got dressed in the dark. Yes, I matched. Well....maybe my blacks didn't. But I matched nonetheless. But....my sweater vest (a fashion style I seem to have become affixed to) was inside out.

Try as I might to make sure that I'm appropriately dressed to go out in public, apparently this was an oversight today. I say before that this has happened to me in the past.

One time, it was that I was wearing two different shoes. I remember having to give a presentation to a bunch of bank people. I glanced down at my shoes, and they were two totally different shoes. It wasn't that they looked the same. One was a black penny loafer, and one was a black wing tip.........WITH TASSLES. Funny, they should have felt different on my feet. But alas, they did not.

And yes, I went out and bought a new pair of shoes on a lunch break that day so as not to embarrass myself.

I've had my sweater inside out before too, only to find out about 6 hours into my working day (and after working with about 4 clients) that my fashion sense was somewhat askew.

Furthermore, I remember working with a woman who had her dress on completely inside out. Not wanting to embarrass her, I said nothing. Yet, a co-worker did. And this woman literally had a meltdown. I don't know which was better, not saying anything, or saying something.

Whatever the case may be, luckily this morning, I caught my error, and quickly right-sided myself before anyone would notice. Yet still I felt like a bonehead. And....I have no idea if I would have liked it if someone caught me at my weak moment.

Perhaps that would have been best. I most likely would have laughed (felt like a complete jackass for only a moment.....well....for certain to be reminded that this traumatic event happened), and not have had a meltdown.

But the shoes....I still look back and think....WTF was I thinking!

Rainy

2009-03-10T06:50:00.002-05:00

I feel rainy today. Just like yesterday. With the sloppy grass, mud, and the never ending chore of having to wipe 8 bony, muddy dog feet 3 times a day, I feel rainy.

The extra hour of daylight should be (and is) a welcomed relief. But I still feel rainy today.

Perhaps its a multitude of things I have been recently committed to that leads to the downpouring of feeling overwhelmed and waterlogged.

Most likely it is the soggy feeling I feel for not being able to attend my niece's birthday today (the first time in six years....and she is six today), makes the rain feel extremely heavy today.

Perhaps it is dewy impatience for a much needed, sunny vacation that I feel dampened.

Whatever it is, I need to snap out of it.

After all, spring is almost here, with it's sunshine, it's calling birds, and all of it's days with the smell of lilac, tulip and hyacinth permeating the air. And the welcomed extra sunshine should dry things out...eventually.

I'll wring myself out, let the sun bake it out, and become crisp again. Perhaps I need a tan, since I look pasty white. At least that way I'd look sunny...

Face Crack

2009-02-25T22:53:00.002-06:00

Well, I finally bit the bullet today. For whatever reason, I was looking at classmates.com, and had a message for me from my AFS brother, Francisco, who is from Chile. Stunned, I followed the link to facebook.com to find him. This, of course, required me to login, and set up a profile.

I followed the instructions, set up the profile, and instantly I had like 17 friends on it. On a good day, I have difficulty counting the number of friends on all 10 digits. But after further exploration, I realized I have more than I think.

I felt so popular today.....or as a former co-worker used to say, "poopular."

I think the most amazing thing was the fact that with my brother, Francisco, I haven't been able to find him for a LONG time, like since 1987. And then today, almost instantly, there he was, and I got an email off to him, and a quick email back.

I'm utterly speechless at the moment. This thing is amazing.

And it's like crack. A fraternity brother of mine, Kham, was one of the first people to respond to me, and warned me of "facecrack." It's now about 6 hours after first signing in, and I've already logged in about 30 times to check things out.

I need the number to the therapy group, please.

Anyhow, I have often pooh-poohed technology, like cell phones, tivo, and texting. While I have the first two, I'm not so sure I like the third. The main reason is because I don't know how to do it. And I'm too lazy to figure it out.

But, what an amazing thing this Facebook thing is. Wow. While I'm leery about being in some sort of social loop, at the same time, I don't mind.

Especially when I now have been able to contact my Chilean brother.

Nothin' Says I Love You Like This

2009-02-25T15:38:00.004-06:00

I thought we could all use a laugh. We all have a lot to learn about our shortcomings. Take one of mine, for example. Weight.

Well, I'm trying out this program in order to see what I can do to get a grip with myself. So far, things are going well. But when I first started, following this program was a little confusing. Someone I know talked to me about it, as this person was also on this program. There is a measuring system they use that you record what you eat every single time. It's assigned a value, and at the end of the day, you're done once you reached the goal.

Well, as an oversight, I neglected to see that the overall value was on a per day basis. I, however, thought it was per week. And what a BIG difference that made! For 3 days, and eating cardboard rice cakes, drinking gallons of water, eating 3 cashews, and a splash of orange juice, I went to work (after 3 days on the program) to ask my friend what they do to curb their appetite when they're hungry. By this point, I was about to eat my left arm, the valuable one as I am left-handed.

She proceded to tell me that she will eat a prescribed snack, or something else, and that that usually just works just fine. After lamenting about how hungry I was, and that I didn't know how I was going to make it for the week, she asked what my total value was. I told her, and she asked if I was using it all. My response, innocently, was that I wanted to save it for the end of the week, when I knew I'd probably fall off the wagon like a bad turnip. When she asked why, I said "well, I can't use all of the value in one day, can I?"

Laughing...she said it was daily, NOT weekly.

Needless to say, I lost about 5 pounds the first week.

What a way to start!

Things are going fine now. (And everyone around me is much happier now that I'm not the ugly hungry one anymore).

In honor of this misfire, my friend Dan sent me the following video that made me almost wet myself. I hope you like it.

Time Out

2009-02-07T20:27:00.002-06:00

Upon the referral of 4 different individuals in the last couple of weeks, I decided that I would do that, take a time out...and go to Time Out.

Time Out refers to the new bar and grill that now occupies a corner of downtown Janesville on Main and Milwaukee Streets that used to be a bank and a music academy. Owned and operated by a successful business person who owned an icon of a restaurant (also in downtown Janesville), my expectations were high, both from the rave referrals from the 4 individuals I spoke with, and from the reputation of the previous establishment and their quality of "supper club" fare.

Entering this place, it was interesting. Half subterranean, lots of windows, an open floor plan, and a very busy bar, the ambience was nice, still bedecked with the white 70's style tile flooring that transitioned nicely in the updated environment. My mom and I seated ourselves at a table looking out along Milwaukee Street, which was a great spot to people watch.

Unfortunately, this was where my intrigue for this establishment ended. Furthermore, I needed to take a "time out" to reassess what my thoughts were.

It was busy, and immediately a cheerful server came and gave us menus, and took our drink orders. Glancing at the bar and the booze on the top shelf, I was impressed. But alas, I ordered beer instead, brewed by Janesville's finest (and only) brewery. The drinks came while we were perusing the menus. I was looking for something that would be unique, unusual, and something that I would be craving to have. And all I found was ordinary: ordinary sandwiches, ordinary salads, ordinary appetizers, ordinary specials, etc.

After ordering our food, it became quite crowded, with many people standing waiting to be seated, as this place is now "seat yourself." Eventually our food came. We both had burgers, with my mom opting for onion rings, and I opted for sweet potato fries. However, when we received our orders, the burgers were placed with the wrong sides (easily fixable). I ordered a bleu cheese burger, and that's literally all that was on it, a burger between two buns with some crumbled bleu cheese on it. Again, very ordinary, and with my culinary accuity I could have easily accomplished this culinary feat with both hands tied behind my back. To top it all off, the fries were cold.

Usually when I eat french fries, I eat them last- and yes, I can imagine one would think that they wouldn't be hot like they would if I would eat them first. However, to the contrary, I tried one even before I ate the burger, and they were cold even before we started.

By the time we had gotten our food, both my mom and I needed another round of drinks. The time that it took the server to bring them to us, I was beginning to wonder if they were waiting for the brewery to whip up and ferment another batch of beer. Then I noticed that there was only one bartender for about 60 people, and only 2 servers, which probably explained the cold food and the less than stellar bar service.

The food was just, well, ordinary. It certainly wasn't anything that I would go out of my way to come up with an excuse to frequent it often. But compared to what I know the owner of this establishment is capable of doing, it was a SEVERE disappointment. Furthermore, the other disappointment is the fact that this bar and grill shares a public bathroom with other tenants in the building. Hmm.....given my particularity for WC facilities, this is again a drawback and disappointment.

Finally, the lone bartender (someone I know and like, mind you) was anything but friendly, and after waiting about 10 minutes to pay my bill for the ordinary meal that was served, I would probably have second thoughts about coming again. While the bill certainly wouldn't break anyone's bank, the meal that I paid for can be likened to your average American Idol contestant singing just an average song. Unfortunately for this palate, the food and service received tonight was like forgettable music, and, well, just ordinary.

Next time I would probably want to take a longer "time out" and look at other (and far more attractive) options before going to this place again.

Missed the Second Coming

2009-01-21T22:26:00.003-06:00

Yesterday and today, I have been bombarded by comments about the recent inauguration of our now President. In the first instance, yesterday, my hairstylist (yes, I know you're giggling given my hair situation) asked me all kinds of questions about this event: had I seen it, what did I think, wasn't the speech great, etc. etc. etc.

Today, again, at my dentist appointment, as well as from two different people at work I was "aksed" my opinion.

Not having seen (or even desired to) anything, apparently I missed out on a miracle.

But I'm bothered....and not because the fact that my candidate didn't win, but rather that EVERYONE seems to have been bitten by the Obama hysteria. It's truly remarkable that the media, African American people, liberals with ice cream cones in Madison, movie celebrities, and on and on and on, all seem to communicate the same thing: that we're seeing the second coming of the Messiah, and we're all going to be led to the promised land, just you wait.

I'm bothered by the lack of skepticism of anyone that this man has ZERO experience, and hasn't done anything yet. At least the Messiah I know performed miracles, healed the sick, cleansed the lepers, turned water into wine, provided a fish and bread dinner for what seems to be millions in the Middle East from all of one fish and one loaf of bread. And this Messiah has yet to arrive. Yet at the same time, Obamessiah is part of a corrupt Chicago political machine, and appointed a tax-cheat to run the US Treasury. Hmm....seems to me something smells fishy. And in eating seafood, this is a BAD sign.

Call me kooky, but I see a big difference.

And when I play the nay-sayer, or the skeptic, or the cynic, in all of my experiences over the last two days, I am reprimanded for not "believing," or am accused of being racist (which is far from the truth). Hell, can anyone blame this non-believer after 16 MISERABLE years of the Presidency that put us in the state that we're now in? This chronic fawning over this person is short of sickening to say the least.

But, I can always count on my mom to tell me a story to put things back into perspective.

One of the people she works with had been talking with some other guests at a soiree recently, in which they were all talking about how wonderful things were going to be. They, too, had been bitten by Obam-insania. They then asked him if he was going to attend the inauguration.

His response: "I'd rather see an Amy Winehouse concert live, in Afghanistan, hands down."

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Gran Torino

2009-01-18T21:28:00.003-06:00

Well, this evening I went to go see the movie "Gran Torino." It wasn't the first movie choice that I was going to see this evening, as I was trekking my way to Madison to see "The Reader," only to be interrupted by yet another snowfall. I have no idea why I tend to migrate toward seeing movies involving the Holocaust, but tonight, I'm glad I didn't.

I would have to say that "Gran Torino" is a WINNER in my book, and a favorite of the year.

Clint Eastwood, in my opinion, shines in this movie, even through all of the cantankerous behavior throughout the movie. Not only does he have a mouth like a sailor, but has no hesitation to throw out every sort of racist comment one could possibly think of (certainly not for the "politically perfect"), at what I would consider mostly appropriate times. In fact, I think all of the air was sucked out of the theatre when he addressed a group of thugs hassling a Hmong girl (and principal actress in the movie) a word that rhymes with "kooks." Not only was it funny, but brilliant.

The Hmong boy playing opposite Eastwood in this movie is anything but a tough guy. Kowtowing to others, never speaking up, and always taking a verbal bashing by Eastwood's Walt, he too was WONDERFUL in this movie.

I found it particularly interesting that this really is the first movie that introduces Hmong culture as a principal part of the movie. Even with the odd animals on the buffet tables in a couple scenes, and the omniscient shaman, it really was a fine movie throwing two cultures clashing against each other's, only to find common ground when all of the dust settles in their run down neighborhood.

Particularly noteable was the portrayal of Walt's family, two sons and their families that really only want to put Walt in a retirement facility, collect the money from the sale of his home and his possessions (since the retirement community is "really nice"), even though Walt is perfectly capable of handling things on his own. Walt's prized possession, his 1972 Ford Gran Torino, is even coveted by his pierced lipped, harlot dressed, idiot of a grand daughter, who really wants nothing to do with him, except for this car.

Hmm....I have a cousin named Scott that this movie made me remember, who had a habit of preying on the dying like a vulture, hoping to get some tidbit to fall in his direction.....

Anyhow, I do know if I were on the other end of Walt's tirades in a couple spots in the movies, I know I would have peed my drawers like a toddler.

I particularly like the barbershop scenes where Walt talks to his barber in "man talk," and then teaches the boy Tao how to do the same thing. It's pretty funny.

Even Daisy the Labrador was awesome.

It also confirmed to me that I'm glad I don't live in Detroit, and that it is everything I expected Detroit to be. But then again, I hate Detroit for other reasons as well.....but I digress....

Tundra and Silence

2009-01-16T18:39:00.002-06:00

It's been an arctic freeze the last two and a half days. Starting Wednesday with temperatures of -3 to -9, Thursday from -13 to -17, and today -26 and now -4.

I don't care what anyone says, but when it is this cold outside, the temperature, to me, feels exactly the same. The only difference I notice is that the snow is a lot more crunchy, even though it was powdery at one point in time. I also notice my hounds get more and more efficient in doing their duties out in the elements. My car wheezes like a kid with asthma just to get going in the morning. And even the thermostat set at 65 degrees in my house, it feels like a tropical heatwave as I sit composing this latest entry to my world on the web.

I can't help but think about what tundra is, since really, I have never seen nor experienced it first hand. I can't help but think that it, too, is raw, unadulterated coldness, that still freezes the inside of your nose, or makes you cough if you inhale just a bit too deeply.

And no one is outside. And there's no traffic.

And when we get a fresh white blanket of snow, even before the slate gray sky releases its frozen bounty, the silence is deafening. I can hear myself think. I sometimes think that I can hear someone a hundred miles away. It's such a filtered, focused silence that if I had to be in it for too long, I'd go crazy hearing the synapses fire in my brain, thinking.

Despite the lack of appreciation I have for the cold and the snow, there really isn't anything better than that serene silence that comes from gently falling snow. And even when I've been drained of all my energy and nonsense I experience during the day, I feel invigorated by the chill on my cheek, the crispness of the air on my ears, and the gentle softness that is the silence of winter.

I cast my sigh to the brisk evening like tonight, to return indoors back to reality, comfort, and my existence, refreshed by my moment in the tundra, and relaxed like a swami after an hour of meditation and yoga, ready to again get back to the noise and action that is my existence.

Truly Barfy

2009-01-13T21:12:00.003-06:00

Like every Monday night, I spend my evening at home. This is largely due to all of the other commitments that seem to pop up the rest of the week. So I decided to try something new: watch TV.

I'm not much of a regular TV fan. In fact, I'm the boring nerd that tends to spend time on his computer, and listen to hours and HOURS of public radio. Yes. I'm that guy, only with social skills. So often I find myself in the midst of conversations about different TV shows either at work, or when I'm with friends, and I never seem to know ANY of the programs that they're talking about. We might as well be conversing in Finnish, since to me the subject is like a foreign language that I don't understand, nor has any similar words that I can relate to my syntax.

I mean, I have to confess that I haven't seen an episode of Seinfeld, Friends, Grey's Anatomy, ER, or anything like that. I am not a fan of the show (and glorified version of "shit on your neighbor") Survivor. And anyone that would prostitute themselves on the Bachelor/Bachelorette, or that type of ilk is just opening themselves up to a whole slew of problems: like stalking or VD.

I have, however been known to LOVE Amazing Race, Dancing With The Stars, Top Chef, and an occasional season of American Idol. And that, I'm pleased to say, is the extent of my TV watching repertoire.

However, this past Monday, I became acquainted with a new show. My co-worker Kim (and TV buff) asked if I had seen this particular show last Monday. And, not surprisingly to her, of course I hadn't. But, I thought I would give it a whirl.

Well, nothing can truly describe what I saw. Except that the cast that comprises this show left an indelible impression on me. Yes, 10 people, supposedly beautiful, competing for some prize that I am still not aware of, showing how "beautiful" they are both externally and internally.

Yes, it's the show "True Beauty." And, it was a true test of my patience (and stomach), since about 30 minutes into the show I wanted to throw my soup bowl at the TV screen. I thought the deception of Survivor was bad. I thought the phoniness of Bachelor/Bachelorette was bad. But this show....

WOW.

Now one could argue that I only hate the show because I'm jealous. Of what, would be my response. Here you have six bimbos and four aqua velvas on a show, and the only word that scrolls through my mind (like the Goodyear blimp on this season's Bachelor- yeah, I admit, I saw the latest episode) is "Cretins." I mean, really, who on EARTH truly acts like these people? Self-confident, manipulative, arrogant (or air-headed), and full of themselves. It was stifling, like riding in a car with the windows shut, in the middle of a hot summer day, having the heat cranked at 89 degrees. I wanted to crack a window open and hang my head and tongue out like my hounds when going to "camp," while watching this show.

Fortunately I know my limitations with appearance, being photogenic, and being follicularly challenged. But this cast really has no clue about their shortcomings. And, if I had to be cooped up in a house with this menagerie, it most certainly would be my private hell. Yet I continued to watch this disaster like a train wreck in the middle of rush hour traffic in Chicago.

Perhaps I'm vengeful, since my favorite part of the whole show was seeing the reaction of the episode's "loser" (and really I think all of them are losers) to seeing videos of how they acted when being challenged. How sad it is to think that a challenge is actually showing compassion to other human beings, and seeing a majority of this Roquefort-scented stinker of a cast fail a "test" that an amoeba would be certain to pass.

I certainly loved the lack of remorse and cluelessness of this last "loser." And I REALLY got a kick out of the guy in the fashion show that had no shoes on, only to have the camera pan down for several seconds at his hideous feet that only a hobbit could love. I will say this, in a weird sort of way, this show does an incredible job at citing human short-comings, especially when you have a cast of ego-centric pinheads traipsing around the show. And how brilliant it is they play (and prey) on that.

I'll probably end up watching the whole series simply for this fact. But, I'm sure that given the "surprise" tactic this show uses, it'll end up a one hit wonder like songs of the 80's.

At least now I'll be able to speak basic "Finnish" at the office water cooler.

Mellow Yellow

2009-01-03T08:52:00.003-06:00

I was playing an online trivial pursuit game online yesterday, and one of the questions happened to be about this song. Who sang it? The answer: Donovan.

Now, like many random questions that are asked in this online game, I knew the answer. I don't know why. I've always found that for whatever reason, I am like a trivia "rain man," and I have absolutely no idea why I know obscure answers to questions to trivia type games, but I do. And I find it funny to watch reactions of people when I know the answer. In college, watching Jeopardy on TV at 4 p.m. was an event. My fraternity brothers and I would all gather in our house lounge, beer in hand, and shout out answers. I would be the one that was a pro at Elizabethan literature, geography, art history, botany, famous quotations, movies of the 1950's, or 4 letter words. Often times I would find myself being the only one knowing the answer.

However, last night, chatting to my friend Jessica, we broached a topic for which I didn't have an answer. Why is it that whenever one goes into a public bathroom in a public place, do people not know how to flush the toilet after they've finished? I know this seems like a gross topic, but I want to understand the answer.

As Jess and I were talking (and her giving and example of someone she knows that does it to conserve water at home........which I cannot understand since 1) it's gross, 2) the money saved by saving the water is minimal, 3) the water saved gets treated and recycled anyhow, and 4) it's friggin' gross), we never did come up with a viable reason.

In my household when I was growing up, you would never even THINK about not flushing after using. I distinctly remember my mom saying at one point, "this is a house, not a barnyard," which to this day makes me chuckle. But, nevertheless, you were in for it if you neglected your sanitary duty.

In any event, having to use the restroom last night on 3 occasions, I noticed that EVERY time, the toilet or urinal was never flushed. Yes, I flushed prior and after. But what's grosser is that someone actually used one without flushing prior to using it. To me...THAT's gross.

I guess I'll never know the answer or the rationale as to why people (and from what Jess told me, women are just as bad, if not worse) do this?

Similarly, I'll never know why I knew the answer to yesterday's trivia question about "Mellow Yellow."

Resolute

2008-12-31T15:59:00.002-06:00

Well, as I look back at the last year (not to mention the last month) I ask myself: where the hell did the time go, and what the hell happened?

I have never been one to come up with some creative resolutions that I'm sure to bust 10 days into the New Year. Frankly (or as my friend Chrissie said when I was in college "Dave Frankly"), I'm agin' 'em.

But, since this is the last day of the year, and I've already expressed my thanks earlier during the appropriate season, I can't help but to yet again try my hand at resolutions. Only one year, and that was in 2004, did I ever keep my New Year resolution: that I would change something. Now I know that this seems rather broad, and it's no surprise to those who know me to know that in general, I paint in very BROAD swaths. In 2004, I changed companies that I worked for, I changed church jobs, I changed the group of friends that I associated with, I stopped working at a bar, and I attempted to get my life in order. I'd say, looking back, those were some monumental changes. I'm not one to up and just change things at a whim.

Well, here we are on the cusp of one year and the apex of another (albeit annus horribilis). And I ponder...

What shall I do?

Well, for 2009, I've decided I'm going to be a better person. I'm going to try harder to be thoughtful. I'm going to think of others. I'm going to try to stay better in touch with friends and my immediate family. I thought that would be a good place to start.

I'm going to try to lose the mountain of mass I've accumulated on myself over the last 3 years. I'm going to become more active. I'm going to cut down on the amount of running around that I do. I'm going to make my life simpler. And I'm going to enjoy the ride, and notice the scenery around me.

And....finally, I'm going to improve in trying to be happier, no matter how tall the order may be.

Hopefully by January 5th I'll still be on track, but please....don't hold your breath. You might turn blue.

The Spirit of Giving.....A Question

2008-12-24T12:39:00.002-06:00

I'm done shopping. I've already given some of my gifts out already. Well, the only gifts I've given out is to my staff at work.

Which leads me to a question of appropriate etiquette. This year, you see, as in all other years, I have given my workers at work gifts. I try to look for things that are unusual, that are more than gift cards, or consumables, or something of the like. I especially go to great lengths while I go on my travels abroad to bring back something for everyone from the countries I visit, such as I did this year. This years gift: a place serving set of 6 place mats and chop sticks sets, a bottle of wine, and a really cool pitcher from Crate and Barrel. Yes, each of my 10 employees got this.

Yet I find out today, however, that one of my employees went around to everyone at my office and specifically told them that they weren't to give me anything.

I know that it's more about the giving than the receiving, but to hear feedback like this was a bit of a shock. To say that I was pissed off would be an understatement.

Which leads me to the question:

What do I do next year?

Do I continue to give my employees a gift in spite of this person? Do I stop giving gifts altogether? Or...do I not give the offender a gift, and everyone else gets something?

Actually, in all of my experiences, I have never encountered this before. And...surprisingly, I am at a loss.

What do you all think?

After all, it is the spirit of giving that counts...supposedly.

Pick Your Poison

2008-12-19T18:20:00.002-06:00

I haven't done much with this lately. Perhaps it's because I've been frantically getting everything organized for a holiday that, at this juncture, I'm simply not in the mood. Or perhaps it's because I have a bazillion things to plan for a Christmas program at my church, which seems to be an ever evolving experience that I'm sure I WON'T be planning next year.

Whatever it is, I realize I've become very short-tempered. Perhaps it's a little too much so. But, when I reflect on all the times I happen to go to the donut shop around the corner for my morning vat of java, the same thing occurs every time, regardless of the fact that I go in during a holiday season or not.

Let me set the scenario: it's morning. I'm on my way to work. This donut shop is on my way, and it has great tasting coffee. It seems like there are a lot of other people that frequent this place too, since they always seem to arrive before me. The servers when I get in are always pleasant. The same group of men infest the tables to the east of the shop, and I stand in line behind the others. They all order what they want, of course not what they need (as the workers always politely ask), since who REALLY needs to be eating donuts anyhow.

And I am the next in line after the woman or man that wants to order donuts: 2 dozen.

By the time they figure out, one-by-one, the selection they would like (as of course they don't have them picked out ahead of time while they too were waiting in line), I have practically been standing there for what seems to be an excrutiating amount of time. And I'm now running late.

And yet they continue to pick, one-by-one, all the while the worker is standing, waiting, tapping their foot, while this person figures out what the hell they want. When they're done, it's my turn to order. I order my coffee, and I too order donuts for my employees at work. Only I tell the clerk (immediately AFTER I say I want donuts) that "I don't care what kind, just surprise me."
And my order only takes 30 seconds. Why must choosing be so difficult?

It's like going to any fast food restaurant, and you get stuck in the drive thru behind the Chevy Lumina Van with the woman that pulls out a list of her order, and proceeds to have everything "made to order." Meanwhile, I want my two hamburgers and french fries with no substitutions.
Could she not get out of her car and walk inside with her litany of orders? Wouldn't it be simpler?

I don't get it. Perhaps I'm simpler that way. Or at least mindful of others' time. Whatever it is, perhaps it's a sign that I shouldn't be picking this "poison" for my body, and instead save a few bucks and make stuff at home instead.

But then again, would it taste as good?

Welcome Yule!

2008-12-03T18:38:00.004-06:00

Well, I've officially broken the seal. I started my Christmas shopping.

This year, I started off with getting gifts for 4 teenagers from the Salvation Army's Angel Tree. I'm not much of a Christmas shopper as I have mentioned before. However, I can say that I haven't had so much fun spending $100 like I did for these 4 kids who otherwise would have gone with nothing. What made it even more special was the young woman at Old Navy and her testimonial to me about how cool it is to give to others.

Hell, I'm fortunate to have a job that everyday I am thankful for having. I have no children. To me, the thought of making a kid's Christmas special really inspires me.

But enough. The next installment of Music 101, you will notice I have included some of my favorite arrangements of Christmas Carols. And, yet again, you probably won't have heard of ANY of them. But, over the last couple of years, I have been really trying to be inspired by "different" carols, since let's face it, how much more of "Oh Holy Night" sung by Florence Henderson can we really stand?

Yes, this collection of 10 carols is pretty eclectic- much like me. Some of them are pretty easy to listen to, such as the Coventry Carol (and who doesn't like the sound of Elizabethan harmony?), Past 3 O'Clock, or really ANYTHING from Handel's Messiah.

Well, let's get past that. I challenge all you readers out there to look at 3 lesser known carols, the Fayrfax, Wexford, and Chester Carols. The latter two are pretty tonal, but certainly from their sounds, they're either modal or based off plain-chant. The Fayrfax Carol, on the other hand, is a world of its own. It's haunting. It's dissonant. It's somewhat raw to listen to. But, after you get done listening to it, for whatever reason, it sticks with you. Check it out. It's kind of cool.

I have to admit that XMRadio is doing a great job of bringing in some audible holiday cheer. And I certainly am not minding the music either.

Happy Listening!

Let the Mad Christmas Dash Begin

2008-11-28T12:25:00.002-06:00

It's here. And I'm not ready.

The Christmas season is now approaching, and today, of course, there are millions of people shopping for the extraordinary buys that are to be had, if you can ferret them out. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people, nor a ferreter....yet.

I say "yet" because I know I will probably be venturing out today to get some things. I'm hating the thought of it. After all, it's technically NOT Christmas yet. You see, I'm one of those weird people that absolutely WILL NOT put up Christmas decorations or play Christmas music until the first day of Advent. Advent is not until Sunday, November 30th. Yet, at the same time, everywhere you go, shops have already started setting up things for this season.....back in July. I find this extremely irritating.

For example, not that I am a frequent buyer at Hobby Lobby, but I think that place started everything in June. And that should be illegal. I think I'll boycott that store just because.

At work, we have a woman that decorates our office. I told her that she couldn't start it until Saturday, November 29th. It goes against my principles, but I figured a) I wouldn't be there, and b) being the contrary person I am, I wanted to go against her wishes of wanting to do it last week. Again, I'm the purist.

The thought of fighting traffic, bumping carts, getting caught in mobs of people, and having my items rung up by some teenager who would otherwise not notice that I'm even standing in front of him/her is not my idea of a fun time. I can't even imagine the masochistic people that want to go to some places at 5 a.m. in hopes of saving a couple bucks. I'd most likely be ugly at noon, and for me to attempt such a feat at 5 a.m. is just toxic. I'm no bundle of Christmas cheer (or any sort of cheer for that matter) at 5 in the morning.

What a wonderful thing the Internet is. For my ilk, online shopping is a godsend. I can get what I want, compare prices from several different stores, and usually get the same, if not better, bargains that if I would put up with the mayhem that is the in-store buyer. I have mentioned this often to others, and yet I still get the same reply, "it's fun, it's tradition, and I love getting caught up in the Christmas spirit." I think they've gotten caught up with crack and their crack dealer.

But alas, here I go, about to venture out. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself. If drinking and driving weren't taboo (and illegal), I am certain I'd need a bottle of something to settle my nerves, and maybe even be a little creative with what I buy. Half a jag-on would certainly aid in that.

THAT, my friends, would be Christmas cheer.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-27T08:31:00.004-06:00

On this day of Thanksgiving 2008, I thought I would list some things I am thankful for, in case some of you need suggestions for your Thanksgiving grace today and are short of ideas:

I am thankful for what I have.
I am thankful for what has been provided for me.
I am thankful for having all of my teeth (and they're all in good condition and probably in need of a whitening treatment).
I am thankful for having good taste.
I am thankful for being able to cook more than boiled water and Swanson Pot Pies.
I am thankful for having musical ability, and not being tone deaf in the process.
I am thankful for not having to eat grey turkey anymore.
I am thankful that I'm still continant.
I am thankful that I still remember what day it is (but perhaps maybe not the date).
I am thankful that my friend Donna's bike is no longer in my garage.
I am thankful for not being more than "just a little bit round."
I am thankful for the primitive soul that invented coffee, 'cuz God knows I need it this morning.
I am thankful for being able to laugh at myself......a LOT.
I am thankful for being able to laugh at others.......even MORE.
I am thankful for my job, since it's way better than the craptacular place I used to work.
I am thankful for my family, as they're all special to me.
I am thankful for the great memories I have of my immediate family.
I am thankful for being brought up with good manners and not eating with my mouth open.
I am thankful that I didn't run over anyone yesterday in my mad dash to get to work.
I am thankful for all of you that read this blog, since most of you are people that I gave this blog spot to, and you continue to read it. You all inspire me.
I am thankful that I'm at least thankful.

O.K., I can't think of any more. But Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!!

Big Question

2008-11-23T02:30:00.004-06:00

This was probably one of the funniest emails I was sent recently from one of my co-workers. I felt inclined to include it here. The question is:

Life's biggest question is...

1) Should I get a dog?

or

2) Should I have kids?

My response:

I can understand why the dog ripped up the couch......that blue is hideous. The dog has more taste apparently than his owners.

On the other hand....the kids, the paint....all over the leather sofa, the TV, and the floor (and if it's carpet..good lord..). But, I'm particularly fond of the hand print on the forehead of the kid on the right. And apparently the parents of these children lack common sense...I mean....who leaves open white paint containers just lying about? And is it lead based.......eegads.....

I'm strongly inclined to vote option 1.

New Addition to the Blog

2008-11-19T20:46:00.002-06:00

I recently added my Listener's Classical Music Appreciation List 101 section to my blog. Being a classical music geek, often times I am asked what I would recommend to the lay-person in classical music. Here's a chance to explore on your own some things that I would recommend. I'm also inspired daily by having my iPod, which, to me, is one of the coolest inventions ever...

I can assure you that if a Mozart piano sonata, Beethoven's 5th Symphony, Bach's Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring, or Canon in D are what you're looking for, you'll probably hate what I recommend as required listening material. As eclectic as I can be in my musical taste, I like interesting classical music. And none of the aforementioned pieces even remotely interest me.

On the other hand, if you look into some of these, you may find them to be utterly stunning and interesting each in their own way, and appreciate them for the sheer brilliance they possess.

This batch I've seemed to whip up this time revolves around choral music, in honor of our Choral Union in Janesville, as well as to the members of my church choir that I direct. I have to say that for any classical choral music fanatic, Britten's War Requiem is, in my opinion, THE finest choral composition ever written. Dramatic, sublime, eerie, jubilant, it possesses everything that a chorister would love to sink their teeth into. The "Sanctus" section, to me, is probably one of the most glorious things I've ever heard, making the hair stand on end up and down my arms.

Another recently found gem was the Jenkins "The Armed Man: A Mass for Peace," which is in 13 movements, and uses more popular musical arranging, and incorporates sound looping and classical choral and orchestral scoring.

Then there's the Serenata Schizophrana by Elfman (yes, the Oingo Boingo guy), which is classically written, and the 4th movement "I Forget" is on my top ten favorites of all time.

Frank Ferko's "A Festival of Carols" is a unique adaptation of traditional Christmas carol lyrics, written to completely different tunes and is scored for chorus and harp. These are brilliant!

Finally, another of my top ten favorites, "A Jubilant Song" by Dello Joio is for chorus and piano, set to words by Walt Whitman, and really needs to be heard more often.

Let me know what you think of all of these if any of you out there check these out. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Happy listening!

Every Leaf's A Pain In The......

2008-11-18T11:30:00.005-06:00

Inspired by my friend Donna's post about loose leaf collection, I write this. I don't know if it's prose, poetry, haiku, or whatever, but it sums it up for me:

I have big trees. Big trees produce TONS of leaves, which in turn produce big piles of leaves in the gutter. I know that many of my neighbors' leaves tend to migrate to my lawn, whether I like it or not. And yet they sit there, awaiting a final rake and yearning to be discarded. After all, they're so brown and crispy.

And every year, I can't decide whether or not it's best to rake them constantly, or to do them all at once, since there's so many. I am a chronic procrastinator, looking for reasons WHY I wish not to rake (and this time it seems my used excuse of being on vacation in China is the cause for my negligence). I chose the method, and I raked them all at once.

I got my raking system down, with help from a blower, taking me about 6 or 7 hours of combined time over the course of 3 days to get my share (plus that of others) of leaves raked and to the gutter in front of my house for final collection. Leaf collection for me is today.

And today, the city came and collected my leaves.....or at least I think they did.

Why?

I'm not sure, as I am certain that I see a third of my leaves still strewn all about the front of my house in the street, with truck tire tracks running through them, having already taken most of them to their final destination. However, methinks the city workers are sick of collecting leaves, as my street is one of the last on the list yet again.....their job was done so half-assedly, and I prefer that they do it with the whole ass.

Which prompts me to reply: did it even make a difference how much time I contributed or what method I chose due to the sheer volume of leaves I got piled up and ready for them today? After all, the city obviously doesn't take the same pride that I do in making sure that my job is completed. I suppose not. And golly, how fortunate I am to have to pay someone for a job not done well, even though I have no choice but to look at the brown mess outside my front window, all along the street.

So if I should take my garbage, cut it open and let it be loosed, and go to spread it over the leaf collectors' lawns, would they then care as much as I do about a tidy neighborhood, or better yet, a tidy home and a job well done? Would they think twice about this?

After all, at least that way if I were that magical trash elf, EVERYONE's yards and neighborhoods will look like a landfill like mine does, and I won't feel so neglected like i did today.

When Dirtballs Talk Smart

2008-11-12T11:22:00.005-06:00

The grimy clothing, the black unlaced high top sneakers, the rotting teeth, the poor hygiene...you know who they are. When coupled with a lack of command of the English language (as in poor grammar), and never seeming to have any sense of right and wrong, we've all encountered people like this.

Which causes me to wonder: does one CHOOSE this kind of ensemble and syntax, or is one born into it?

At high school, we had the dreaded "dirtball hall," which was a hallway tucked away in the southeast corner of the high school, where those that were citizens of "the land of the misfit students" tended to dwell, around the less-than-appealing classrooms of shop or ag. Sometimes the sophomores were relegated to this hallway due to space constraints and not by their own volition. Fortunately, I never was. The lingering aroma of pot tended to waft its ways down the hallway then. Sometimes I wonder: is it still called "dirtball hall?"

What prompts me to write this diatribe is inspired by a recent episode of "Taxicab Confessions" that I saw on HBO. One of the couples on it was a recently married couple with a dog. The woman (the one with the rotting teeth and bad complexion, whose husband still thought she was hot....and I'm thinking he's in need of an appointment to the optometrist) was talking to the cab driver about her trials and tribulations. All the while she was trying to use big words to make her seem like a person one would want to seek advice from. And she used the word "copacetic" I think twice.

I have never used this word. The only people I have ever heard use this word were 1) an ex-girlfriend of my brother who was extremely prone to malapropism (what a dandy SHE was, sometimes besting Archie Bunker's doozies), and 2) people that looked and talked like this woman...all of them trying to look smart.

I don't know. I'm guessing that she didn't graduate from high school. And if she did, I'd like to yank the licenses of those that taught her.

I don't know why it irritated me so much, but with the wealth of information out there to "smarten" one up, I would think that more people would WANT to look into this. Which I guess answers my initial question, in that I think "dirtball" status is a result or product of one's environment rather than choice.

Then again, some people make really BAD fashion and word choice decisions, which makes me more confused than ever!

Hong Kong- Our Final Destination

2008-11-11T18:14:00.002-06:00

Overlooking the Hong Kong Skyline/Kowloon Bay from Victoria Peak

Catamaran on Repulse Bay

Sampan

Dried Fish on Boat-Aberdeen

Aberdeen-Entering the Water City

Well, there you have it....a glimpse of the Great China Escapade. I hope you've enjoyed the travelogue and the pictures. Hell...at least it gave me material to post here!

Guilin- Li River Cruise

2008-11-11T15:11:00.003-06:00

Li River Cruise- This is also the landscape on the 10 yuan note

Farmer, Water Buffalo and Calf- Li River

Bamboo Rafts and Cormorants

A sign of peace

The photo of the little boy was taken while on our way to our Li River Cruise. No matter where one is in the world, what background, what nationality, creed, age, or race, this sign transcends all boundaries. This is one of my favorite photos of the whole trip...

Guilin- My Favorite City in the World

2008-11-11T14:59:00.002-06:00

In my travelogue, I mentioned Guilin and how beautiful it is. Truly, I have to say it is the most spectacular place I have ever seen in my life. While I will devote two mini-photo posts to Guilin as my tribute to this beautiful city, believe me when I say that my photos really don't do the spectacle that Guilin is the fair justice it truly deserves. Enjoy!

The Karsts of Guilin-Its Trademark

Stalagmites and Reflecting Pool in Reed Flute Cave-Guilin

A Cormorant Fisherman

Bejeweled Pagoda From The Night Cruise

Xian

2008-11-10T11:26:00.003-06:00

Terra Cotta Warriors

Rose Garden and Wild Goose Pagoda

Tang Dynasty Show-Traditional Chinese Ensemble

Fengdu-Mt. Mingshan and Chongqing

2008-11-09T14:49:00.003-06:00

Entrance to the Temple, Mt. Mingshan, Fengdu

Moon Doorway in the Gardens of Mt. Mingshan

Street Scene from Old Chongqing

Herbs at a Chinese Apothecary, Chongqing

A Ming Dynasty Palace (courtyard and theater), Chongqing

Yangtze River- Three Gorges Dam and Sunset

2008-11-09T14:37:00.002-06:00

Overlooking the locks of the Three Gorges Dam Project

The Bow of Victoria Star and Passing Through Lock #1

My mom and I going through Qutong Gorge

Sunset on the Yangtze near Fengdu, China

Next up: Mt. Mingshan-in Fengdu and Chongqing

Hope you're all not too terribly bored with the photo montage.....

Shanghai- Jade Buddha Temple and Old Town, Plus Waking Up At Xiling Gorge on the Yangtze River

2008-11-07T21:41:00.003-06:00

Hope you like the installments of the photos.

Courtyard, Jade Buddha Temple

Old Town Shanghai Koi Pond and Teahouse

from Nine Turn Bridge

Xiling Gorge, Yangtze River at Sunrise

Misty Xiling Gorge Early Morning, Yangtze River

Yes, this gorge is what we woke up to the first morning on the river cruise. What a spectacular sight!

Shanghai- Children's Palace and Skyline

2008-11-06T23:00:00.002-06:00

Shanghai Skyline

Children's Palace: Girl and Song

Children's Palace: Instructor, Chinese Opera

Children's Palace: Learning Chinese Opera

Beijing- Sacred Way and Temple of Heaven

2008-11-06T22:51:00.003-06:00

Final sample of pictures from Beijing:

Sacred Way Statues

Persimmons

Ribbon Dance- Temple of Heaven Park

Temple of Heaven

Beijing- Summer Palace, Great Wall

2008-11-05T06:18:00.003-06:00

Hope you enjoy some snapshots of what we saw, and keep checking back!

A covered walkway at the Summer Palace (and boy was it loooooooong....)

17 Arches Bridge to "Turtle" Island

Cixi's Folly: The "Marble" Boat

The Great Wall at Badaling

(this is the section that mom and I climbed, up to the 2nd tower on the upper right)

A look from the Wall, and yes...if it looks steep...it was!

Beijing- Tiananmen Gate and Forbidden City

2008-11-04T06:32:00.005-06:00

Here are some of the photos taken when I was in Beijing, from Tiananmen Gate and the Forbidden City:

Tiananmen Gate from the Square

Gate and Moat inside Forbidden City

Bronze Lions Protecting the Gate

Stately Courtyard Inside Forbidden City

First Grand Square, Forbidden City, Beijing China

Enjoy!

Cast of Characters from China Voyage 2008

2008-11-03T19:49:00.007-06:00

I know that you all have been eagerly awaiting pictures. Well, I'm not the most technicalogically proficient person. But I was able to figure this camera thing out.

The great China Escapade featured none other than:

Me and Mom

(from Victoria Star on the Yangtze River)

Featuring...

(1st row: Judy, Mom, Me; 2nd row: Peter, Barbara, John)

Also starring:

To Wong Fu

(who knows where THAT hat's been...)

And finally (I know you've been dying to know...):

Our Empress

(with butt in hand...)

More photos to come!

Trick or Treat

2008-11-01T21:28:00.002-05:00

Halloween has come and gone yet another year. Fortunately for many, the holiday landed on a Friday this year, which lends itself to all sorts of social possibilities: costume parties, fright fest movie marathons, pub crawls, etc.

I haven't decided if I like Halloween yet. The jury has been in deliberation about that now going on 35+ years. After all, sometimes it can be more of a nuisance than anything. Take trick-or-treating for example. I remember growing up on Park View Drive, and in the neighborhood, we had boatloads of kids. I remember we always had a large group of kids and adults that would go house to house, begging for candy. Occasionally I remember getting to the houses that gave the apples, the oranges, the stale old-lady candies (the kind that looked like they were dumped from an old candy dish, out of the wrapper, from some Victorian-esque parlor), the raisins (from the health food family protesting candy-giving), and the peanut chews. NONE of these ever made it to consumption.

And who the hell likes those orange and black wax-paper wrapped candies, or RAISINS for that matter, anyhow....

For me, the nuisance starts with the question, "well what am I going to give out THIS year?" When I first moved into my house, I took to buying full-sized candy bars for the kids. That only happened once. That was the year I had over 130 kids show up at my door. Anyone who's ever bought decent candy knows that this translated to spending a small fortune on kids I don't even know or like.

I then took to buying candy that I thought I would want if I was trick or treating. I like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Snickers candy bars. Of course, I didn't want to run out of candy, so I had to buy 7 or 8 large bags just to have enough. The result: it rained, it was cold, and I had 39 kids and about 5 bags of my favorite candy lying around the house as leftovers.

I'm sure my pancreas thanked me for that, as its life-span is probably 30 years shorter as a result.

The next step was just to forget the whole thing, and be occupied somewhere else that evening. Well, this is fine, but when one has nothing with which to occupy himself, it makes one go stir-crazy.

The final, and in my opinion more attractive option: I decided to give cans of flavored soda. Yes, the Faygo 12 packs of orange, grape, fruit punch, strawberry, black cherry, and root beer. I avoided the lemon-lime flavored soda, since I remember that when you were a kid, you only drank lemon-lime soda when you were a) sick, or b) jonesing for a sugared soda at a family reunion where all the good flavored kinds were already taken, and you were relegated to the bottom of the cooler green cans of lemon lime.

At $2.59 a twelver, canned soda certainly looked like it had more bang for the buck. It cost about the same as the bagged candy, and I thought to myself "what the hell....go for it."

The kids loved it...

In fact on about 3 occasions, I overheard the kids excitingly say, "this is a COOL house, he gives cans of soda! We have to remember this place NEXT year!"

Gee, I feel so lucky....

After all, it's so convenient to have to answer the doorbell about 45 times in a two hour time span. My doorbell was starting to make very weird warped bell chime sounds after a while. It was a little amusing.

Well, I think I've found my niche. It's practical. It's economical. And it's viewed as "cool".

And, I'm sure ALL of the parents will love me when their kids are wanting to drink it right away, get jacked up on the sugar, and then not want to go to bed until Easter.

And I smile.

Epilogue and Jetlogue (or lag)

2008-10-30T17:20:00.007-05:00

I'm back. And everything is in English again.

Well, my mom and I made it to the airport in Hong Kong, for our United Airlines flight back home. The only thing that was eventful on the flight was the fact that the service was atrocious. What's ironic to me, is how no one was able to carry bottled water, or a soda onto the plane, even AFTER security. It was utterly amazing to me too, that physicians, the FAA, the airline touts the fact that one should keep hydrated, especially on a long flight. I would consider 14 hours in a plane a long flight.

Yet, at the same time, I think United only came around twice with water, they came around once with the drink cart about an hour into the flight, and twice with the Dixie cup of coffee or soda.

I knew it was a bad sign when the flight attendant started handing out a "Please Accept Our Apology" card for the bad service about 3 hours into the flight. I don't know if it's a good thing to be forewarned about the oncoming crappy service that we were about to expect, or if it would be worse not being forewarned. Either way, it was very strange.

There was some British male flight attendant who was a royal ass, once telling me that because I'm in Economy that the cream in my coffee would be milk, and then refusing to serve me an additional glass of water because I didn't want to reuse a cup with trash in it (with a used napkin and pretzel bag stuffed inside). I went dry.

Well, I was happy to get off the plane Thursday late afternoon, and made it to the baggage claim area. Of course it took an hour and a half to get through customs and to get our baggage. We made it to the bus depot to make it back to Janesville, where we were greeted by my brother and my three nieces! What a great sight to see, all of their smiling faces, and glad that we were home again safely.

The only thing now is the jet lag. I would have thought that after a week that my body would be back on track. But, I still get tired at strange times during the day (like noon) or at strange times at night (like 7pm). Or...on the other hand, I still am wide awake at 4 a.m. Again, I don't know which is better. I'm an early riser, but 4 a.m. is a little out of hand.

But what an awesome trip. My mom and I managed to bring home cool stuff for ourselves, friends and family, and for others. We got our silk comforters this past Sunday. I didn't get my guzheng like I wanted to while I was in China. BUT...I did order one online here in the States for about the same price, which should be arriving on Election Day. Here's what it looks like:

So anyhow, it's exciting.

It was great to hear feedback from some of you while we were abroad, and after we got home. I hope you enjoyed this travelogue. Keep checking back as pictures will be forthcoming. You'll get to see some of the things we experienced, as well as characters that were in this production.

Now, I think it's time for some coffee....I need caffeine to jar me out of the malaise of jet lag!

Chapter 21

2008-10-22T18:03:00.004-05:00

This is the last morning in Asia. And I'm very ready to come home.

Yesterday afternoon, my mom and I had one more "cultural enrichment" experience in Hong Kong. We decided we were going to go to the Jade Market. Looking at where it was located relative to our hotel, we could very well have walked there, but after walking all over Hong Kong Island yesterday morning, we felt that taking a taxi there was a far more attractive option.

We were dropped off, and it was like landing in a whole different planet. There were very VERY few non asian people walking around the streets, and the Jade Market consisted of two covered pavillions where there were individual booths set up selling jade. While the souvenir hawkers in China were persistent, these Hong Kongers were relentless. In fact at one point, a woman had a jade (whether we know if it was true jade or not we don't know) bracelet on my mom faster than you could shake a stick at.

We then decided that we'd had enough, and started walking to find a cab to take us back to the hotel. Well, we had to walk several blocks through a less than desirable area of Hong Kong, where we saw all kinds of unusual food things like pressed duck, mystery meat, we walked briefly (like 15 seconds) through the Temple Night Market (before the smells caught up with us), and found the first cab. We showed the driver the card where we needed to be taken, which was printed in Chinese (Cantonese) and English. Even WITH the address and directions in multiple language, he still didn't have a clue, so we shooed him off.

We then got another cab, and the man knew where to go. We made it back to the hotel, and got ready for dinner. We ate dinner, came back to the room, and then started getting everything packed for our journey home. I guess we did have a lot of extra stuff with us, and we certainly needed the extra suitcase.

We had an early night, and this morning, we're up bright and early. We're getting things all ready to go, and are waiting for our driver to take us to the Hong Kong International Airport, and look forward to making it to Chicago at about 2:30 p.m.

It's been a great time here in Asia, but I am ready to be able to sleep in my own bed, not have to worry about packing, repacking, and living out of a suitcase, and looking forward to having my "noodle girl" Dixie curled up next to me on the sofa, or getting lots of wet kisses by my "big lur" Dillon when I get home.

And....I don't think I'll be eating any Asian food for a while. I think a nice big greasy hamburger and french fries sounds FANTASTIC right about now......

Anyhow....see y'all back in the States!

China Chapter 20

2008-10-22T02:36:00.004-05:00

It's our free day in Hong Kong before coming back home. It was wonderful today. There was nothing requiring us to get up early this morning, there was nothing prodding us to be a million places in a matter of a few short hours, and there was no agenda. And could have been difficult as hell to figure out what we wanted to see and do, since there are so many things to do in Hong Kong.

Well, I first have to say, that last night before returning to the hotel, my mom and I went out for dinner. It was a bit of a challenge to determine what we wanted, since in Hong Kong, you can pretty much choose whatever you wish. So, we looked in my Hong Kong book that I brought along to see if there was anything interesting. I then looked at my China book to see what was listed. And then I looked at Frommer's online to see what they had for recommendations as well.

Well, we decided we were going to go with Chinese/Cantonese food one more time. After the mystery lunch we had in Guangzhou the day before, we figured we needed to give Cantonese style food one more shot. Well, it wasn't exactly Cantonese, but a Cantonese restaurant that had northern cuisine on the menu, called the Spring Deer Restaurant. Hey, the name was kind of cheesy, but after looking at all three of the sources I reviewed, it was mentioned as "highly recommended" in all three.

The bonus was that the restaurant was on the same street as our hotel, and was within walking distance (which most places in Kowloon are in walking distance). After passing the same Indian man pushing tailored clothing for the 8th time (and he offered and said the same thing to me EVERY SINGLE TIME-and my response being the waving hand waving him off), we got to where we needed to go. The restaurant was through this cheesy curio storefront, and up some stairs. We got upstairs and entered a HUGE dining hall, similar to all of the restaurants we had lunch in throughout China. There wasn't a lot of ambience, and it was probably the LOUDEST restaurant I have EVER been to in my life. Our server was no Guy Smiley, but found us a table (even though we didn't have reservations), and we were set between a banquet party of about 25, and then another squawking table of about 8. Shrieking across the immense round tables with lazy susans on them is the best word I can describe what it was like sitting there. And of course, to me, Cantonese sounds like gibberish.

Well, the food was fantastic! We had pork dumplings, a chicken and walnut dish, and then pork chop suey with fried egg on top. It was AWESOME! While my ears may have lost some permanent accuity, it was well worth the time. I guess those travel books are pretty accurate after all!

We were too late to see the light show, so we ventured back to the hotel, and ended up falling asleep.

We got up this morning at about 8 a.m. It was fantastic. We got to breakfast when we wished, and then decided we would go to Victoria Peak one more time, go back to the Stanley Market one more time, and then venture back. We figured that this time around, we could look a bit more closer at things, and look to see if we could find more things to bring home. We ended up getting loads of stuff, gifts for family and friends, and a suitcase for about $30. It'll be interesting to see how it holds up on our flight home tomorrow, but we figure we'll stuff all of our dirty clothing in there, and nothing breakable. That way in case our suitcase turns into a suitpancake, nothing will get too damaged.

With everything being so convenient and within walking distance from our hotel, we walked down to the pier, and took the Star Ferry across Victoria Harbor to Hong Kong Island. It's really cheap (about $2.2 HKD or about $.28 per person one way). We then walked all around the main streets to get to the Peak Tram, and all in all (with the ferry ride), it took us about an hour and 15 minutes to get to the top. We then looked around the peak, looked around the shopping center, and then had iced coffee (as it was about 82 degrees and humid at the top of Victoria Peak) before getting back on the funicular for a trip down the cliff. We then walked to the street corner, as mom got her map out and was looking at which direction we needed to start walking in to get to Stanley Market.

I suggested a cab....

At first, mom thought it was a quick jaunt of about 8 to 10 blocks away. Well, about 30 minutes in the cab, under a huge tunnel, over the mountains, and down a cliff. Yeah, if we would have walked the whole way, we would have missed our flight home tomorrow morning...

Anyhow, we went back to Stanley Market, bought some cool stuff and the suitcase, and then taxied it back to the Star Ferry pier, to go back across the harbor, and back to the Tsim Shai Tsui section of Kowloon where our hotel is located. We got back, dropped off our stuff, went to the lobby, had a couple of Stellas (Stella Artois beer for those that are not beer people), and then took a break to dry out, as I feel completely damp.

We're off to the jade market, then dinner, then the light show, and then back to the hotel for our flight back home on United.

Being gone for almost 3 weeks has gone very fast, which must be an indicator of the kind of time we've had. While we haven't seen our traveling compatriots since yesterday (and probably won't, thank goodness), we did manage to get an email from our friends we met on the Yangtze, Peter and Judy, who are currently in Beijing, and having all sorts of experiences as well!

Anyhow, I hope everyone back home has enjoyed the China report, and keep checking back. I hope to include a couple more chapters to wrap things up a bit, and to include photos. We look forward to getting back home, and I look forward to seeing family, my friends, and my puppies soon.

We'll keep you posted!

China Chapter 19

2008-10-21T03:46:00.004-05:00

Well, we are now in Hong Kong. This is the last stop on our China adventure, and in all, it has been a wonderful trip despite the unplanned travel challenges. Hell, it gave a lot of fodder for this blog.

Anyhow, the Intercontinental Grand Stanford Hotel in Hong Kong is wonderful. The service is wonderful. The location is wonderful. And it's wonderful that the Empress and Dim Sum are nowhere near our room. We woke up early this morning, had breakfast, and then had to meet our tour guide Natalie in the lobby at 8:30 a.m. We got to the bus, and lo and behold, there were 8 other people on it that were going to be sharing the city tours. Now why couldn't this have happened all the way through our trip whenever possible? After all, at every stop through China, there was always another Pacific Delights Tour group there touring the same places and eating at the same restaurants. It would have made much more sense for us to be included with another group given the small numbers in ours.

Oh well.

Anyhow, we traveled by bus to Hong Kong Island, across Victoria Bay (as we are in Kowloon). We then took a funicular up the mountainside, and were able to take stunning pictures from Victoria Peak. Looking down at Hong Kong, it was absolutely breath-taking. It's also no wonder that Hong Kong has one of the highest population densities in the world, and there are certainly a bazillion skyscrapers all along the bay.

From there, we went along Repulse Bay (which, if I had a billion dollars, I would love to live on it), and then to Stanley Market. Stanley Market was cool, with small shops all along Stanley Bay. I was able to buy cool Christmas items for my staff at work, as well as a beautiful wedding gift for another friend of mine who's wedding reception is this coming Friday (the day after I get back to the U.S.). It was finally fun to do some retail therapy, and it looks like my mom and I will be doing more of it tomorrow.

Anyhow, after Stanley Market, we ventured our way to Aberdeen, where we took a sampan ride through the water village in the bay at Aberdeen. It was truly incredible, and it was a sunny day, with a nice breeze, and not too hot. it was wonderful. After the sampan ride, we were then taken back to our hotel.

I know that many of you readers out there would probably think that there was a long, ceremonious "good bye" between the Empress and To Wong Fu and my mom and I. However, I think all we said was, it was fun, we had a great time, and then were whisked off the bus first (as of course they had a ton of shit they bought at the Stanley Market, including more luggage).

And then it hit me: we were free.

So we went out shopping. The Empress was saying how it was a must to go to Nathan Road shopping in Hong Kong. So mom and I decided to check it out during the day.

Well, Nathan Road is again completely forgettable, except for the fact that there were a lot of Pakistani and Indian men hawking massages and free nights (or days) stays at a hotel (probably of the "no tell" motel variety). It was kind of icky. I think it was the Suzy Wong District of Hong Kong. The Empress MUST have a different retail taste than mine.

Anyhow, we then decided we were done shopping, so we went to go find a pub to have a couple of pints of ale. Well, after all, Hong Kong WAS a British Colony at one point, so why the hell not?

We chose the Bulldog Bar. It looked British, it had the Union Jack, a great view of Victoria Harbor, and all of about 7 patrons. Well, it was 3:30 p.m. And, after getting our 2 pints of beer 20 minutes later (I was thinking that they were freshly brewing it for us as well), we got up and left. The only thing quick about that establishment was how fast they made change. And that's not saying much.

We made it back to the hotel, and will be going out for probably a Cantonese dinner (hopefully very edible, and without chicken feet) and then to see the light show over Victoria Harbor. We are planning our itinerary for tomorrow, and then on Thursday, it's back to the States.

Hong Kong is a great place, and one I would love to visit with a group of friends that want to party and have a great time. While not cheap by any means, it still has it's unique British colony charm that reminds me of Gibraltar, only on a much grander scale.

More to come from Hong Kong!!!

China Chapter 18

2008-10-20T07:37:00.005-05:00

It was another early morning this morning. We had to leave Guilin at 5:30 a.m. to be to the airport to catch our China Southern Airlines flight to Guangzhou. It again was no surprise that nothing will ever run smoothly or in an uncomplicated fashion so long as we're traveling with the dynamic duo. The other two on our journey have accumulated so many additional things, not to mention that their bags are overweight by several pounds, that there was a big commotion at the ticket counter about all their stuff. Luckily, they had James there to once again (undeservedly) not to have to pay more than they did.

James, my friends, was probably one of the best guides I have ever had on a tour.

Anyhow, we got through security, and waited for our flight. There was a big travel tour from China on our flight, and I think most of them were first time fliers. They were up and about the cabin when they shouldn't have been. They were climbing over the seats during take off. They were ooh-ing and ah-ing at the TV screens that came down from the ceiling to go over the safety requirements. And they all tended to yelp in unison whenever the plane would dip in the air.

It was cute, but my affinity for their "cuteness" soon dissipated when I realized that about 4 of them were seated in the emergency exit rows of the plane. Like the catch phrase in our 2008 election, I feel that experience matters. I got the "not-so-fresh" feeling.

Luckily, on the other hand, there was no baby pooping incident this time, thank goodness.

We arrived in Guangzhou at about 9:30 a.m., and were met by our guide, Robert. Robert's English was not very good. Quite honestly, his enthusiasm for the tour mirrored how we felt: this part of the tour was more filler than substance. Guangzhou, from our brief hours of time there, unfortunately was a completely forgettable city, even though it's the hub of Canton (the anglicized version). I'm sure that there was more to it, but all we were able to see was a folk art museum that was completely forgettable (as most of the art in it was from about 1982 to the present).

We were then whisked away to the Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall, where we looked around the grounds. We went inside a huge theater hall, and proceeded to drop about 40 pounds of water weight, as it was about 88 degrees inside and about 2000% humidity. Going outside in the 92 degree weather with 92% humidity seemed like a cool breeze in comparison.

We were then taken to lunch. And I use the word lunch very, VERY loosely.

The restaurant we were taken to was in a slummy part of Guangzhou. There were lots of people out in the courtyard hosing themselves down (yes, like showering while clothed), doing laundry, and lounging around in grimy undergarments. It was less than appetizing. Then, we went into the restaurant....

Most restaurants I have frequented tend to have incredible smells of oregano, thyme, fried food, sesame oil. Yes, pleasant smells wafting from the door once you enter. The interesting twist or gimmick this restaurant used to lure patrons wishing to nosh was the stench of raw sewage, the kind that smells like a filthy men's urinal.

Perhaps they were going for an organic smell. Sometimes smells from other organs of the body aren't appetizing, and I think they aren't aware of that.

Because we didn't want to have fish (and god KNOWS where they would have gotten it in this restaurant) and were gun shy about duck, we requested chicken, pork, and beef. Well, let's just say that I was dead wrong earlier about thinking the food on our United flight to China was bad. In retrospect, I need to get a hold of that flight attendant to get a hold of that noodle recipe she offered to us. That would have been a welcomed meal.

We were blessed with a chicken curry dish with cold potatoes. The chicken: ALL chicken feet.
Yes, all chicken feet. The toe bones, the talons, the (I better stop as I'm starting to gag thinking about it)... It was disturbing.

Dish #2: undercooked beef in snotty brown sauce.
Dish #3: mystery fried meat surprise with pineapple.
Dish #4: grey fried rice. (the rice was supposed to be white rice)

It was the WORST food ever to grace a table of mine in my entire LIFE!!!

We then got dropped off at the nicest coffee shop in Guangzhou, according to Robert. Ironically, it was Starbucks.

We had about and hour and a half to kill before needing to be to the train station, so we walked up and down the streets of Guangzhou to kill some time, and to sweat off the lattes we purchased. After being accosted by several disturbing beggars (and in China, the beggars usually are very deformed, have severe burns, are missing limbs, or have genetic defects) on our way up the street, we retreated back to Starbucks where we waited for our guide to take us to the train station.

And this time, it wasn't the Empress or Dim Sum that were late. It was our guide Robert. Robert's rule is not to be on time like all other Chinese people.

We got to the train station, made it through customs (as Hong Kong is a Special Administrative Region administered by China) even though that, too, was a production. Robert really didn't give us very good instructions, and once we got on the train, I was thankful to be leaving Guangzhou. I was more worried about our luggage being broken into after hearing horror stories from some Australian passengers from our Yangtze River cruise trip. We were not given very good instruction about picking up our luggage.

Anyhow, we took the Kowloon express train to Hong Kong, which was very nice, quiet, and fast. We had to sit across from the Empress and To Wong Foo, but all day today, they were actually VERY decent. After getting off the train, not knowing where the hell we needed to go to get our checked baggage, and then getting through customs, we were met by our last guide, Natalie.

Nervous Natalie.

Natalie is a bundle of frenetic energy, that really makes me nervous. She talks about 300 miles per hour, and walks at a pace faster than a cheetah. The Empress was having difficulty in keeping up, as she had to push a large trolley of all of their purchases across several lanes of traffic to get to our tour bus. It was amusing and pitiful at the same time. I should have been a good samaritan and helped. But assisting should be offered and not expected. And the Empress expects....everything.

Our hotel, the Intercontinental Grand Stanford Hotel, was only about 5 minutes away, and is THE nicest hotel of all of them. Hong Kong is very beautiful, and reminds me a LOT of New York, only more compact. Mom and I refreshed ourselves before venturing off in the 88 degree humid weather, and we ended up walking up and down Mody Road before deciding we wanted real food to eat.

I was ready to eat my left arm (the valuable one-since I'm left handed). Going against all principles about not eating at American food chain-type restaurants when traveling abroad, we ate at an Outback Steakhouse. We were tired. We were hungry. And I preferred to keep my left arm.

And it was delicious. The Foster's beers were a) on a double bubble special, and b) were served in frosted mugs that still had ice dripping from them. And the food was delicious.

We walked back to the hotel at about 8 p.m., and mom immediately went to bed. We have a half day of activities tomorrow, and then a whole lotta shopping to do.

More to come from Hong Kong!

China Chapter 17

2008-10-19T04:28:00.004-05:00

Today we had another long day, and had only one activity planned. It was a Li River cruise. We got up early, had breakfast, and needed to meet our guide at 8:40 a.m. James picked us up, and of course, as always, the Dragon Lady and Dim Sum were late. I'm sure all you readers out there are surprised by this as much as we were.

We headed outside of Guilin, to where we needed to catch the boat. Sitting behind the Dynamic Duo is getting a little old, as they stink. They smell of stale booze and stale cigarette smoke, and it really is not something that is a pleasant thing to smell first thing in the morning.

We got on board, and cruised around the Li river about 2 hours before lunchtime. We had amazing views of the limestone karsts, shards of mountains sticking up from the ground all over the place. We saw ducks, men and boys fishing and swimming in the river, cormorants waiting to fish this evening, water oxen, mountain goats, banyan, fir and camphor trees, and oleander. It is certainly the most resplendent green I have ever seen in my life. The river is clear, you can see down to the bottom.

We had a passable lunch, as James warned us that the lunch isn't so spectacular on this cruise. We were then blessed with the Empress and To Wong Foo pulling out their dental floss, and flossing each and every one of their teeth at the table.

I was about ready to pull my smelly Crocs off, throw my calloused feet on the table, and start trimming my toenails. I thought it might be a bit much to drive my point...

Well, as mom and I had no desire to stay during the Empress' public tooth flossing ceremony, we went upstairs, met some nice ladies from the Garden Club of America, and distracted ourselves from our accidental tourist companions. Even though James told us NOT to buy any souvenirs from the boat, of course, the Empress and TWF did. They bought a HUGE printed fan (that looked like brown paper grocery bags strung between pieces of balsa, with really BAD art printed on it) which, like my dad's sister-in-law would do, the Empress made James our tour guide carry. TWF bought a very fetching bamboo hat, one in which I'd have a lighter fetched for me to light aflame.

I was kicking myself at the end of the day for not taking a picture of the Empress laying down (or passed out from the wine she poured in her Sprite bottle to drink on the boat) in the middle of the dining room, in front of about 75 other passengers. Now THAT, my readers, is class....

We got off the boat in Yangzhou, strolled through the center of the city, and then met our driver. We headed back to Guilin, where mom and I opted NOT to have the provided dinner this evening (we need different dinner companions), and plan to walk around the square instead. Our trip tomorrow plans to be interesting again, and I am hoping that my patience will last just a few more days longer, without instigating a mutiny against the Empress.

Wish me luck!

China Chapter 16

2008-10-18T08:35:00.003-05:00

Well, it's evening in Guilin on our first night here. This is probably going to be a very bold statement from me, but, so far, in all of my travels, I will say that Guilin, People's Republic of China, IS my favorite place in the world. Florence, Italy will have to move to my number 2 slot.

This city is beautiful. It's sub-tropical. It's green. It's laid back. It's got spectacular scenery. The people are nice. It's clean. It's tidy. It's really something else!

As I said earlier, mom and I relaxed a bit before venturing out this evening. The guide, James, picked us up at the hotel at about 6:45 p.m. to take us to a boat launch on the 4 man-made lakes in Guilin. It was night time. Guilin is all lit up in the evening. It's got ground lights along the river banks in greens and amber, and it is extremely pretty. The sidewalks are VERY tidy, and the walk was about 8 minutes from our hotel. The Sheraton is really nice here. From James, it is the nicest hotel in Guilin.

Anyhow, James took us on a boat ride, where we saw many different bridges reminiscent of the famous bridges of the world. They are spectacularly lit up in the evening, and the weather was about 80 degrees. We also managed to see men fishing with cormorants (it was really interesting, and funny, as some of the cormorants have a mind of their own when it comes to "working").

It was really beautiful, we got to learn more from James about his city, and we were both surprised that instead of going home, he took us to the boat, went on the tour with us, made sure we got back to the hotel o.k., etc. I am extremely impressed with most of the guides we have had on our tour, especially with a lot of the nonsense that some of them have had to put up with from the others on our tour. I also find that if you show genuine interest in learning from them learning about the culture, trying new things, being open minded, and really go with the flow, these guides will surpass any expectations you will have, AND manage to go up and beyond for you. We've certainly noticed that with Annie and the Beijing Olympics store, Mrs. Xu and the Tea Ceremony, calligraphy studio visit, and food tutorial, Susan in just handling things for us, and now James, and his awesome tour this evening and interesting discussion about rural China we had today.

Honestly, I never want to be tourists like the other twosome on our journey: inconsiderate of other people's time, inconsiderate of other people's money (after all, we did pay for the itinerary we chose), rude to the tour guides, looking down on how other cultures do things that are different from those we do in the U.S., complaining about the food, complaining about the weather, complaining about the tour, blatantly disregarding others' personal space or rules, and my list could go on and on. What I do know is this: this trip has been an incredible experience, and one in which I have a better understanding of how China is. And really, it's not the scary place that, unfortunately, our media in the U.S. plays it to be. It's actually quite nice, and in fact, is fantastic. I just hope that the Chinese people that we've met on our trip don't look unfavorably upon my mom and I by being involuntarily associated with the "dynamic" duo we've been paired with on this trip, who have been nothing but prime examples of ugly Americans that the world perceives us to be.

Anyhow.....I'm off my soapbox, and I'm off to bed as it's about 10 p.m. here as I finish this. We've had a long day today, and we have another long day tomorrow.

Guilin IS the best!!

China Chapter 15

2008-10-18T02:49:00.005-05:00

Well, last night we went to the Tang Dynasty show in the evening. We got to this huge theater, and sat at our dinner table. It was very nice. There was a Brazilian couple sitting behind us, and had their own table for two. Unbeknownst to them, two unruly Chinese men (with their own snacks) decided to sit at their table with them. An argument ensued, and while the Chinese men didn't move, they moved the Brazilian couple right in the middle of the aisle so they'd have their own table.

Well, the dinner was fantastic, although the Orange Surprise Soup for dessert truly was a surprise. It was surprisingly bad. With snotty-like gelatin stuff floating in it, I took about 2 bites and said "no mas," and when these biscuit thingies came by, I thought they'd be good too....and I ended up spitting them out.

On the other hand, the show itself was fantastic. Tang dynasty costumes are very beautiful, plus the traditional Chinese instrumental music was something else. There then was a guy that was like Zamfir, only cooler, and when he played the pan flute, it was really utterly amazing! The show lasted about an hour and a half, and then we headed back to the hotel. Mr. Lee, our driver, was there to pick us up, as Susan had to leave for home. We got outside, and it was POURING rain out. Luckily, it was late at night, and really was the only time that it has rained on our trip.

Susan informed us that we had to get up early in the morning, and that the van had to leave at 5:30 a.m. By the time we got back to the hotel, it was about 11 p.m. Mom and I got everything packed, and I think we immediately fell asleep.

We were up this morning early. REALLY early. Like 4 a.m.

Well, part of the reason for the early departure was that the airport is about 1 hour from the city, and in October, things can be really foggy. Once again we waited for the dynamic duo to be on time, to no avail. They certainly complain a lot. I was really expecting the Empress to insist that we have a later flight, or insist that we leave later so as not to have to wait so long at the airport for the flight to leave. But this time, she said nothing.

We got to the airport, checked in, got our tickets on China Eastern Airlines to Guilin, and got to the gate. Of course, it was an ordeal, AGAIN, for them (as they again had lighters, water, etc., etc., etc.). You'd think people would learn or just TRY to make things simpler. Unfortunately with the two high maintenance people we're with, that's never going to happen.

Well, we got on the plane, and I had the fortune of sitting next to two Chinese women carrying a baby girl with them. The baby was adorable, but fussed for a good share of the trip. I would try to make the baby smile, or interact, and I think my strange caucasian face really scared the hell out of the kid. Then again, when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, I have the same reaction as the kid.

Anyhow, at the beginning of the trip, the baby must have had a blowout in her diaper, as it was totally obvious from the fragrant smell that traipsed its way through the cabin. The mother got up, took the kid back to change the diaper, and came back. When she got back, the breakfast service had ended, and I noticed that like many Chinese infants and toddlers (like I have mentioned before), this little girl had the crotchless pants, only this time, WITHOUT a diaper.

To say that this made me somewhat unsettled is an understatement. I worried the whole way to Guilin that something bad was going to happen. I kept waiting and waiting. Mom noticed that this little girl had the crotchless clothing, and remarked about how cute it was. No sooner did she say that and turn her head, I looked at the kid, and suddenly, we apparently got on the flight to Puping. Like Linda Blair from the Exorcist (only from the back end) that little girl took the HUGEST, WETTEST dump I have ever seen. It was a horizontal geyser of smelly brownish green poo, landing on the mother's sweatshirt, her pants, and all over the baby's jacket. The smell was hellish.

To make light of the situation, I kept thinking about what my friend Steve would have thought and done if he were in my shoes this morning. And, it really made me laugh. And it made me laugh hard.

We got to Guilin, and were picked up by James, our guide. James is quite funny, about 38-43 years old, and his English is fantastic. And, I would say, I like him almost as much as Mrs. Xu. He really won me over today when he and the driver of the van scolded the Empress and Won Hung Low for having too many pieces of luggage.

Did I mention to you before that they keep accumulating stuff? I think they're at about 8 pieces of carry on luggage. Furthermore, I respect James for helping mom with her ONE suitcase, and enjoyed watching the other twosome struggle with their two trollies of luggage. It looks like they're moving in somewhere...

Because it was early in the morning, we saw the Reed Flute Cave, and the Fu Bo Hill. It was pretty amazing. Guilin is very different from any of the other cities we've visited so far. It's much more agrarian, it's smaller (700,000 residents), the pace is laid-back, and the weather warm and humid. It's very beautiful here, with lots of limestone peaks randomly dotting the landscape. After having a wonderful lunch of sweet sour pork, beef and mushrooms, kung pao chicken, spicy sour soup, egg omelet, snow peas, and oranges, we then went to the Fu Bo Hill. We had a great talk with the guide, saw bamboo rafts fishing on one of the Li River tributaries, as well as young boys diving for river snails, and ladies doing laundry on the riverbank. It's pretty amazing. It doesn't look dirt poor or dirty like it did in Chongqing, but rather peaceful, and more like what I would imagine Southeast Asia to be.

We got to the hotel, and were just relaxing before we head out for a boat ride around the city of Guilin. I would say that so far, I like Guilin the best, as it's got lots of fresh air, little pollution, the river is clean, and the scenery is beautiful.

I'm excited about the river cruise tonight, as mom and I have a tradition of going on at least one city river tour during our vacations. This time it will be Guilin.

We have one more day tomorrow in Guilin, and then we're off to Guangzhou for a tour, and then a train ride to Hong Kong.

I can't believe that we're getting in the home stretch of the vacation, but I'm certainly loving everything I've learned and seen so far, and China, easily, is becoming my favorite place I have ever visited in my lifetime.

China Chapter 14

2008-10-17T04:29:00.004-05:00

This morning, we were allowed to sleep in a bit. Our day didn't have to start until 9 a.m. So, taking advantage of using all of the rooms in the suite, I was able to watch a chinese opera on the sofa in the living room, and then was able to have coffee at the table.

We went down for breakfast, and then met our guide, Susan, for the day long activities. Susan is such a bright, cheery, funny, energetic, and sweet bundle of energy. She's certainly been wonderful. We first went out to the countryside to see the terra cotta warriors from the Qin Dynasty. They were really something else. We first saw a 360-degree movie which was a little dizzying, and then proceeded to pit number one. Incredible, awesome, unbelieveable, and immense don't even nearly describe what we saw. Thousands of terra cotta warriors, all different from each other, lined up in a pit the size of about 4 football fields. It was unbelieveable!

We then went to pit number 3, and then pit number 2 to see different points of excavation of this project, that really, hasn't even been begun to be tapped. It's truly amazing.

After seeing this incredible sight, we then went to lunch, watched how noodles were made, and beat the rush of other tourists at lunchtime. We had some wonderful things, like pork with green pepper, noodles and ginger pork, pork dumplings, pork noodle soup....and well, pork. And in actuality, the Empress and Won Hung Low (mom's nickname for To Wong Foo) were actually tolerable today. That is, until they found out about the time we have to catch the plane to Guilin tomorrow morning...

We took a chariot/horse-drawn carriage to the main gate of the museum, after the Empress had to walk over to where there were furs hanging from a shop entry. Ironically, the Empress is a dog lover and carries on about the plight of some of the animals that we've seen along the roads and streets of China, yet has no qualms about wrapping a silver fox carcass around her neck (even IF it has a red dye mark on it). Well, interestingly, Susan, our Xi'an native Chinese tour guide, specifically (if not emphatically) said that those furs were fake. 100% fake.

The Empress, of course, had to walk over there, check them out, and proclaimed them to be 100% genuine. The divine and most wise edict was handed down.

Anyhow, after this, we went to the city, and visited a jade factory (which the Empress emphatically said she didn't want to visit because it was too over-priced). Well, mom and I took a tour, got a jade spotting lesson, shopped at a leisurely pace, managed to purchase a minor object (all in about a 30 minute timeframe), and sauntered out to the van, where the Empress and her porter were sitting in our van waiting. Of course they asked what we bought, and well..we lied and said we bought about 3 or 4 things and were having them shipped home....

I love lying, especially when my mom instigates it...

Anyhow, we went to the Wild Goose Pagoda, and then (of course) we went to the Xi'an Historical Museum minus our royal pair (since they don't DO museums), and got an incredible tutorial about Qin, Han, Tang, and Ming Dynasty art, sculpture, and bronze by our amazing tour guide. It was truly a worthwhile experience!

We then travelled back to the hotel, where we are as I write this, and we're off to see a Tang Dynasty show and dinner. I'll keep you all posted as to how THAT goes! (I'm sure the Empress has already seen it....and I'll be sure to savor EVERY moment for as long as I like...).

More soon.....

China Chapter 13

2008-10-16T18:03:00.003-05:00

Let's talk about yesterday.

Well, as you know, we landed out boat off the Yangtze in the City of Chongqing. I was a little worried about how we were going to meet our guide, get our luggage to where it needed to be, get to the airport on time, etc. All this was going through my head at about 3 a.m., which made for a very poor sleep.

Anyhow, mom and I got ready for the day, and got everything packed. We had our breakfast, placed the luggage outside the room so the porters could bring them down. And waited for our local guide. Nancy (so far, we have met a Judy, a Barbara, a Nancy.....I can't wait for a Martha....and to TOP it all off... a Doug...WHOOPPPEEEE!) was there to pick us up. All we were waiting on was To Wong Fu and the Empress.

And we waited.............and we waited............and we waited.......We were the second to the last passengers still on the boat. FINALLY, the dynamic duo showed up. It was about 80 degrees, humid, and hazy, and the Empress had her full length wool winter coat on, her cardigan sweater, and gloves. Ugh..........make it stop......

And, they have acquired more things....I think by the time we get to Hong Kong, we'll need a second van for all of their merchandise. THAT would be an entourage...

Anyhow, we toured through the city of Chongqing. It's the mountain city, and literally clings to the mountainside, up the banks of the Yangtze. The roads are really winding, and there is a lot of pollution, both in the smog of the air, and in the streets. We toured the Stillwell Museum, and the Flying Tigers Museum, which were both a yawn, unless you're really into military history.

We then toured an awesome garden, called Eling Gardens, which is like a park where people get together, play cards, drink tea, they have kiddie carnival rides, etc. It's really nice. I took mom's picture with some Chongqing natives playing mah jong, and then ventured our way through the park.

After going through the park, and getting back into the van, we ventured down to the old town of Chongqing. There was a COMPLETE difference in lifestyle. Nancy, our tour guide, took us through where the poor live. I only took one picture, and that was looking up the street of old town. And really, I didn't think it was appropriate to wander through, snapping photos of the less fortunate, etc. But, the streets were winding, with lots of little stalls for food, herbal medicines, etc. After about a 40 minute walk of this, I was glad that we were back in the van, and thankful for what we have at home.

We went to lunch. Nancy asked us what we would like to eat, and whether or not we would like to try some spicy food (after all, we were in the Sichuan area of China). The Empress and TWF of course said "no" (they don't like spicy food either), mom and I said "yes" since we like to try all different kinds of things.

Well, we got to lunch, and had Kung Pao chicken (which a HUGE kick to it!), this unappetizing beef dish (the meat looked unnaturally pink with a clear mucus like coating on it.....I'm still gagging as I thinkg about this), chinese cabbage, and this awesome potato dish that had hot peppers in it.

Looks like we got spicy food. I don't know why it really matters what we have at this point, since the Empress doesn't eat anything anyway, and she usually eats rice. Of course, there's a HUGE production about how she needs to have soy sauce, and that she needs to have ice in her drink, and how the drink glass is too small, and how she needs to have a fork...

Anyhow, after lunch, we went to a preserved area of Chongqing, where we saw architecture from the Ming and Qing dynasties, lots of artwork, and a lot of young women in their bridal gear, getting their pictures taken before their weddings. It was really a beautiful place.

We then headed to the airport, as we needed to catch our 5 p.m. flight to Xi'an on Hainan Airlines. We got to the airport a couple of hours early. All the time we were in Chongqing, we had nothing but our carry on luggage in the van (which took up the the whole back of the van with all the crap the other two are accumulating....I'm thinking "editing" is a great word for them). I had no idea if we were going to see our bags again, as I was really leery about letting people take care of them without me holding on to them.

We got through security, both mom and I got through it without a hitch.......and yet again, the Empress, and TWF got stopped for their lighters, their bottled water, etc. JEEBUS CHRISTMAS...you'd think they'd know by now..... Mom and I didn't wait for them this time, because we knew it was going to be another unnecessary production. We just went to the gate, got a Pepsi, and mom surprised me with some TCBY.

We got onto the plane, and it was a 737-800 with the 3 and 3 seating. Mom sat on one aisle seat, me in the other across the aisle, and the gruesome twosome sitting next to me in the middle and the window. Well, of course that wasn't acceptable for the 45 minute flight, as TWF needed more room. I wasn't about to move, and at least he was smart enough not to ask me to switch seats.

Anyhow, they HAD to get different seating, had to have more room, and of course made the flight attendant let them switch seats. Mom and I got a whole row to ourselves, and all was right. After we took off (and mind you, the weather was about 82 degrees), they turned on the heat in the airplane. After sweating for 25 minutes, we finally told the flight attendant (whose English was very limited) that it was hot. Then the air conditioning came on again.

We then got to Xi'an, landed, and then went down to get our luggage. TWF had a HUGE trolley full of bags, and mom and I just had our same two that we started the trip with. We met Susan, who is very young, and very smiley, and very cute, and weighs probably all of 85 pounds. And of course the Empress wanted to make her push their mammoth luggage trolley to the van, this time it was about a quarter of a mile away. Susan helped mom with one of hers instead. Smart girl.

We got to the van, and headed into Xi'an. Of course we needed to stop at a liquor store, so that the Empress and TWF could get some wine and booze. And after monkey-farting around for 15 minutes, we were at our hotel in less than 2 minutes.

We checked in (which was another ordeal since the other twosome needed a smoking room, and needed two beds, and needed......ugh....I got tired listening...). I just made sure we had non-smoking with 2 beds.

Well, we got up to the room, and there was only one queen-sized bed. We walked out, to an attendant on the floor, and said we had requested a room with two beds. She quickly got things changed for us. As there is a huge convention here for the American Diabetes Association (of all places in Xi'an), there were no regular rooms available. As a result, they would have to upgrade our room to a suite.

We didn't mind.

We had dinner, a beer, watched some TV, and then fell asleep. It's now Friday morning, and we're off to see the terra cotta warriors, and the Xi'an museum. It should interesting today!

Chapter 12- From October 15, 2008

2008-10-16T07:04:00.002-05:00

Today was the last day we’ve spent on the cruise on the mighty Yangtze River. And today, was probably one of the most relaxing, one of the most enjoyable, and one of the sadder days of the trip.

We only had one stop today, which was a shore trip to Fengdu. We visited Mt. Mingshan, the Ghost City, and went up to a Taoist temple, founded by Lao Tze. In getting off the boat, we climbed up what seemed to be a mountainside of steps. It looked very similar to the steps and the wall that the man in “Up the Yangtze” had to climb. We found out later in the day that it was the same area. There were lots of them , and we ended up getting to the top, where we were molested by a swarm of street peddlers selling cheep-cheep-you-buy-hello-hey-lady-ten-yuan things. Beating them off with a stick, we progressed up the hill. We had the opportunity to walk up the staired section, which was about 299 steps, or we could have taken the chair lift. Mom and I opted for the chair lift. It was beautiful, and after nearly throwing up from the heights, we arrived at the top safely.

It was a very foggy day, very humid, and we were unable to see the city of Fengdu across the river. We smell the scent of coal burners everywhere. But, it was really cool, learned about this particular monument on the river, and after about 3 hours, trekked our way down to the bottom again.

We ventured back to the boat, where it was time for a bloody mary, time to write in the journal, and time to just wait for the next activity, which was eating. We had lunch, and then afterwards, had a great conversation with Peter and Judy Dunner from the DC area. They have truly been a blessing on our trip. After spending the first week with To Wong Fu and the Empress, we needed to interact with interesting, cool, and depthful people. We found all of this and more with Peter and Judy, as well as their friends Barbara and John. I don’t know what we would have done had they not been on the trip. It’s almost sad that we have to part ways, as they are certainly WAY more fun than the lunkers we’ve been matched with.

After getting back to the ship, we then had an opportunity again to play mah jong, this time it was with mom, Judy, Barbara, and some other woman who was kind of scoldy. And, to top it all off, we used this electric, super-sophisticated mah jong table that set up everything for you. It was like plug and play only better.

Of course, during the whole time we have been on the trip, we have never seen the Empress and TWF except for the few times at lunch and dinner, or on the morning excursions when TWF always asks me to have the guide wait for them so that they can run upstairs, have a cigarette, and probably slam a glass of booze in the process. I keep thinking to myself, “yeah, I’ll get right on that” and the moment they leave I’m wishing the tour guides will head out. All I know is that they spend most of their time in their 9x9 cabin, the balcony, smoking cartons of cigarettes, and drinking booze from sun up to sun down. That’s what I call a fun cruise…

Anyhow, we had another decent dinner tonight, and then we got to see some traditional chinese music, with a hammer dulcimer thing, the chinese flutes, the erhu, some percussion, and some liu chen. It was cool, though a little disappointing in that we were unable to see the guzheng played. Ah well…

Afterward, there was another activity. Let’s just say that mom doesn’t have to worry about fodder for her christmas cards this year.

We need to get up early tomorrow, set out for Chongqing (the largest metropolitan area in
China) and then we’re off to Xian for 2 days.

It will truly be interesting this next week to see how things go, and I’m looking forward to the new adventures and stories this trip will bring, though we certainly are going to miss the new friends we met while on the Yangtze.

Chapter 11- From October 14, 2008

2008-10-16T07:02:00.002-05:00

Well, today was an early day, we entered the Wu Gorge, and took tons of pictures on the Yangtze River. Breakfast was early, and then we got off the ship at Wushan, and took a smaller watercraft to visit some lesser gorges. Of course, the boat left at 8:30 a.m. and the Empress and To Wong Foo needed to have a cigarette before we left. TWF came up to me and said to tell the guide that they were coming that they were going to be a little late. I smiled, and hoped they would miss it.

The boat ride to the lesser gorges was interesting. There were three of the lesser gorges, the Dragon’s Gate Gorge, the Misty Gorge, and the Emerald Gorge. All three were on a tributary of the Yangtze River, called the Daling River. The river was a jade green, and against the rocks, it was spectacular, and it didn’t have as much pollution.

That’s the one thing that’s very disturbing about the river: the pollution. It’s not like ordinary pollution, but rather like shoes, clothing, a dead pig (or dog…I’m hoping it was the pig), etc. Anyhow, we then hopped on an even smaller sampan, and went up some of the even smaller gorges. This truly was where mom needed her Esther Williams’ swim cap, her nose plug, and her water wings. We all had to wear life vests, and mom about wet herself when she saw me put it on, because I think it was a child’s size life vest. I was laughing because the Empress was trying it on like a hoodie (I think she was shitfaced this morning) and got it stuck on her head.
To Wong Foo wanted me to grab a life vest for him, and I told him that there were lots to choose from and he should just help himself. I ain’t no damn servant…

We then got back to the ship at about noon, and had lunch. We then were able to learn about kite making and flying, mom got to learn a little about watercolor, calligraphy, and embroidery. We then headed through the third of the three gorges on the Yangtze, which was the Qutong Gorge. After seeing two sets, it looks like the same to me. I think I have about 75 pictures of gorges. But it was great.

We then learned how to play mahjong (chinese style) which was a lot of fun, and a lot like gin rummy. I kicked so much ass, it was stupid!

We then were able to take advantage of the drink special, which was the Singapore Sling. I really liked them. They contained lots of booze. One of which was gin. And I like gin.
We had a great dinner, and then saw a cabaret show afterward. It was cool. Thank god no one snuck my name in to have to play something, or that I got called onto the floor for some of the audience participation numbers. I truly have a phobia about that, almost as much as I like having my picture being taken, or me being on television. They’re taking a video while on this cruise, and wow…where’s Jenny Craig when you need her. That’s the first thing I’m doing when I get back home: going on Jenny Craig.

We have a full day tomorrow again, where we visit the ghost city of Fengdu, and have some other activities, before spending our last night on the ship before heading to Xian. It’s been fantastic weather so far, about 82 today and again sunny. It was fantastic.

Chapter 10- From October 13, 2008

2008-10-16T07:01:00.003-05:00

I think it’s Monday today. I’m not really sure. When you’re on vacation, everything kind of all blends together after a while. It’s hard to keep all of the monuments and attractions, food, people, and events all straightened out.

We made it to the boat as I mentioned before, after a harrowing and nerve wracking drive. It was interesting boarding the ship. Every time a busload of passengers arrived and debarked from the buses, there was a marching band that was there to greet everyone with songs like Old Susannah, or Yankee Doodle. I tend to like to march to either “Marching to Pretoria,” or a tried and trusty Sousa march. We made it to our cabin. The cabin is very clean and tidy, and is about the size of my bedroom I used to have when I lived at home, as it was about 10 x 10. It’s certainly not for the claustrophobic. Of course the first thing the Empress had to check on was to have a larger room. After all, she has a lot of shit with her, which seems to be accumulating every day. She said to the head desk that she wanted to be upgraded to a suite, because otherwise with all of their luggage, they wouldn’t have enough space.

At this point, I can care less.

We left them to make someone else’s life more complicated than it needed to be, and let them (or others) fend for themselves. But, eventually after the big production in the lobby, the drama with the front desk, and the reality of the additional amount ($800 USD) that they would have to pay for a suite, they now have a cabin next to ours. We feel so fortunate.

Mom and I then went to the welcoming orientation, where we met the cruise director Campbell Her. As we got listening to him more and more, and remembering the documentary we saw at the Sundance Movie Theater in Madison, I told my mom that I think he was the one that was featured in the documentary, “Up the Yangtze,” before we came to China. Of course we didn’t really ask right away, we eventually had a moment to ask him about it, and he said that he was, and was really surprised that we remembered that. He is VERY nice, and amazingly he knows mom’s and my name now!

We woke up this morning, and went to breakfast. Dr. Hu (yes, I giggle too about the PBS series reference), has tai chi in the morning, but, it’s like at the butt crack of dawn, and last night was the first night where I actually had a great night’s sleep. Anyhow, we got some shots of the Xiling Gorge along the Yangtze River, and the fogginess made for some pretty cool photos. The mountains and the cliffs are truly breath-taking, and as we sailed along, we saw a hotel perched on top of a cliff, a shipyard, a man netting for fish, and then lo-and-behold, we arrived at the Three Gorges Dam Project. It is absolutely HUGE!!! We then got off the boat in Sandouping, and took a tour around the locks and the dam.

Much like the “boss of the rope” in Morocco, To Wong Fu and the Empress totally went off in a completely separate direction from everyone else. Hell, at least they’re consistent.

Anyhow, we toured the dam, and in the process met a really nice older couple, Ian and Ruth from Brisbane, Australia. We also met Denise from Chicago, and like the tour we had in Morocco, there is a contingent of wild Australians.

Let me just say at this point, I love Australians! They’re fun, unpretentious, and honest, and certainly are a breath of fresh air (as opposed to an inebriated one).

After touring the dam project, we headed back to the boat. We started off on the ship toward the locks, and went upstairs to learn about the Yangtze River. Mom and I readily took advantage of the bloody mary drink special, and then went to lunch.

Again, the food was good. The great thing was that we get to share it with other people besides you know who. Judy, Peter, Barbara, and John are friends and all live in Washington, D.C. Peter’s very nice, and I enjoy having intelligent conversations with him as I appreciate his intellect. It is very refreshing. I am trying very hard not to bring up political discussions, as I find that I need to filter my responses so as not to get argumentative. Judy’s very nice and I love how funny she is. And Barbara and John are very down to earth, and are a joy to be around. We're truly blessed to have them on this boat tour, since it's nice to talk to people that don't put down other cultures, or talk negatively about things, but rather are there to learn, appreciate, and live for the moment.

Interesting to note is that for all three meal times, the Empress and TWF are never on time, or never show up. Judy is beginning to wonder if mom and I are high, since she didn’t believe that they existed. My response, “trust me, they exist.” Judy then said, “well I’m going to just have to stay here until they show up to get a good look at them.”

And a look she did.

As we walked out of the dining room (with the Empress and TWF still eating), Judy asked “so what are they? Are they friends, mother/son?” Mom mentioned the fact that they met on a cruise in the Mediterranean, and that the Empress was travelling alone. Tim was with two of his friends from Liverpool, and they just now like to travel together. Mom thinks there’s some hanky panky going on there, but I think TWF is as gay as a maypole.

Anyhow, Judy’s response to my mom, “looks like he won the lottery.”

The locks were really cool at the Three Gorges Dam, and the engineering feat they possess are truly remarkable. We also saw an unusual accupuncture and Chinese medicine demonstration by Dr. Hu, and mom got a one-on-one tutorial on bottle painting. All this was going on while going through the locks, as it takes about 4 hours to go through 5 locks. I just thought it was nice to relax, and despite the issues with our traveling counterparts, it’s been truly enjoyable.
Rudy would have been proud of mom, as mom took advantage of a kite flying demonstration on the observation deck. Roger Swenson would have been proud of mom, since it was a kite in the shape of an eagle. A couple of times the kite lost altitude. I kept telling mom she needed to run fast in the other direction to keep it aloft.

I thought she was going to flip me off.

We then had dinner. Amazingly, TWF and the Empress showed up for that, and it was interesting watching Peter dissect the conversation. After they had to leave to have a cigarette (after all, they can’t seem to make it through dinner without having two or three), Judy asked “how old do you think she is?” My response (after about 4 glasses of sparkling wine and some appetizers) was “I’m thinking Ming Dynasty.” They laughed, and of course mom kicked me under the table.

After dinner we went up and saw a Chinese period costume fashion show, before we retired for the evening. In all, the first full day on the river has been fun, and we look forward to more interesting things to share.

Chapter 9- From October 12, 2008

2008-10-16T06:57:00.003-05:00

After we went to the cathedral and made it back to the hotel, we got all of our gear together and then went downstairs to check out. We could have gotten by with not paying for two beers, but my conscience got the better of me, and I decided that I wanted to be honest, rather than have a “Red Corner” experience.

We then went to the airport, and once again, the Empress and her consort were over their baggage weight limit. And it wasn’t just one kilogram over, it was 9. I think we know why: when the Empress got into the van, you could tell that she had already been drinking, and it only was 11 a.m. Mom and I were discussing whether or not you could tell if someone was drinking vodka or not. She said that she could never tell, but remembered that dad always could. I may not have the nose of a bloodhound like my mother, but I can smell when someone’s been into the vodka: my freshman year Theta Chi experience made me VERY aware of what vodka smells like. I love my friend Monette, and when she had big hair back in the 90’s, she always kept a can of Aqua Net at the ready. Well, when someone drinks vodka, it reminds me of the smell of Monette’s Aqua Net.

Once again, going through security was an issue. Mom’s bag was searched carefully, but I sailed through without issue. On the other hand…..the Empress and her one man entourage….well, you know the drill. Yeah…the second time around, the same result.

Anyhow, we flew on Shanghai Airlines to Yichang, which is in Wuhan province of China. It was about an hour and a half flight, and the plane was new, and immaculately clean. And once again, the service was spectacular. We landed, and got to baggage claim. The number of packages that the gruesome twosome are acquiring are getting a bit alarming. Then again, they’ve stocked their bags full of wine and full of liquor, which is probably the reason why they were over the
weight allowance and had to pay and extra $25USD for it.

We were picked up by Billy, our tour guide, and Mrs. Shen, who I would have to say is THE worst driver I have ever seen in my entire life. More about that in a sec. Anyhow, of course the Empress needed to have a luggage trolley to porter their bags to the van. So again, mom and I waited for them to find the trolley for about 20 minutes. We got outside the airport, walked about 30 yards, and imagine that: there was our van.

We got into the van, and Mrs. Shen was driving. She was driving ALL over the road, in one lane, in the other lane, but most of the time in the middle of the two lanes. I felt like we should have gotten clearance for take-off from a control tower.

We then got to Yichang, which is a city of about 4 million people. Billy was very proud of his city, and we were very respectful of his giving us some information about it. I will say, though, that it is VERY different from Shanghai and Beijing. It certainly is not as affluent, and it is not as clean. Apparently there is a lot of mining there, for sulphur, phosphorus, and coal. In fact, there was a LOT of smog and haze, starkly apparent when we made a stop in the main square of the city. That was an interesting place, with lots of people there enjoying the day. The little toddlers have pants that are crotchless here, and so they just let their junk fly. Anyhow, one little boy, in the center of the park, decided to take a leak: on each one of the decorative lights in the central area of the park. That’s a brave kid, especially when you consider there were about 2000 people around watching him entertain himself with peeing on the lights. That kid was much braver than me. We then went to an embroidery factory, which, to me, was a bit overkill. But, we were cordial, and then proceeded to dinner. Dinner was excellent except for a significantly undercooked sweet-sour pork dish. I had one bite, and probably should have spit it out. I hope I don’t have worms….

The other dishes were green beans, potatoes, spicy beef, canton cabbage, rice (duh), and an eggplant dish that was FANTASTIC. After dinner, we got back to the van, and Mrs. Shen had to drive us to the nearest convenience store so that the Empress and TWF could get some liquor (AGAIN), which was right across the street. Mrs. Shen must have thought it was a drive through (even though NONE exist in China), and drove the van right up over the curb and onto the sidewalk, rather than parking in the street like everyone else. I’m beginning to think that Mrs. Shen got her driver’s license yesterday, got her temps, or got it free with a bowl of hot sour soup. She certainly is afraid of going the speed limit, since she always goes about 20 km/h under it. Even the city buses got annoyed, honked at her, and passed her. I’m thinking that this is not a good sign.

We made our purchases, and then we were on our way to the boat. I about crapped myself several times, as Mrs. Shen really didn’t know that driving in the other lane was for oncoming traffic, or that the double yellow line meant two way traffic. Apparently she wanted all of the lanes to herself, or enjoys a challenging suicidal game of chicken with oncoming traffic. I prefer to make it back to the U.S. in one piece.

After prying my knuckles off my knee and the seat in the van, I’ve never been so glad to get out of a car like I did today.

We boarded the boat, got to our cabin, and went upstairs for the orientation. We had a couple of beers or bloody mary’s, and now, we’ve retired for the evening. We haven’t seen our dynamic duo. I think that’s probably a good thing.

We’re setting sail tomorrow. From what I can see so far, the cliffs are very steep. I can’t wait to see what they look like tomorrow morning!

Hello from Xi'an!

2008-10-16T06:55:00.002-05:00

Well, we have made it to Xi'an, and with our travels and experiences today, we managed to get a fantastic suite due to a screw up with the hotel. But, as promised, I will post what happened on the Great Yangtze Adventure, and get us all back on track.

China Chapter 8

2008-10-11T20:39:00.005-05:00

Well, we're getting packed and ready for our flight to Yichang, so that we can board our cruise on the Yangtze River. This morning, my mom and I got up, leisurely got things organized, got stuff packed, and then went down to breakfast. We were set next to an American couple originally from China, and while we didn't talk much to them, the two interactions we did have were interesting, one in which the woman scolded mom for keeping her purse on the floor, and the other laughing at some clueless tourist that had the stereotypical fisherman's vest, a HUGE camera, a floppy Gilligan hat, and pockets filled with stuff. The Chinese man sitting next to me said, "it may be high fashion....he might have spent fortune on vest...." We laughed heartily together!

Now, I've been mentioning the fact that the Dragon Lady/Empress on our tour is difficult. When we were at breakfast there was this one Spanish woman with a group of other Spanish people, that even from the looks of her, she looked sour. Since we already on a previous trip gave the nickname Sourpuss, we'll just have to call this woman Stinkface. Anyhow, Stinkface gave these Japanese men a hard time for sitting at a table for 6 when there were only 3 of them, and then proceeded to kick them off the table. Another woman was very authoritative, short, and round, and on two occasions, damn near knocked me over when either trying to get coffee, or to get a breakfast roll. I've nicknamed her Bette, like my dad's brother's wife Bette.

We then went walking along the street from our hotel, up to the oldest Catholic Cathedral in China. There were many people going to mass, and to me, I found this interesting. The other things we saw were people pulling old oxcarts with produce, and in one instance, a man was riding in the back while he was making his wife pull the cart. Molly Yard, eat your heart out!

We then walked back to the hotel, and are getting everything ready for the next stage of our vacation. I hope you readers out there are enjoying this particular online journal of "The Great China Escapade." Feel free to drop comments, as we'd love to hear from you!

China Chapter 7

2008-10-11T03:50:00.005-05:00

Well, we got up this morning early as mentioned and had the best breakfast we've had on the trip. There were a lot of Spanish people, and (imagine) a lot of Chinese.

We were ready to go at about 8:20 a.m., and surprisingly, To Wong Fu and the Dragon Lady were on time this morning. Of course they were sitting across the immense dining room in the smoking section, with TWF running and fetching everything that the Empress needed. Somehow I don't think that he's paid for a dime of his trip, although he's an expert customer service representative.

Whatever.

Anyhow, We headed off in the morning to see a silk rug factory. It was really interesting, and it was interesting to see how each individual rug was made, with the intricate knots, the time, the patience. It really makes me appreciate the rug that I have that I had gotten in Morocco two years ago. Of course, the Empress made it known that she has practically every rug there in her house, and made it a point to tell the tour guide that the rugs we saw were entirely overpriced. She then also shared how she's had to have her carpets replaced three times because she has trouble keeping her dogs from shitting or peeing on them.

Wow....too much information.

As we got back into the van, we got talking about Chinese medicine and a meditational practice called chi gong. Well, we can always count on the Empress to try to impress us with her knowledge of Chinese culture. She interjected her experiences with accupuncture, and how it was so relaxing. And, not being a betting man, I'm certain she didn't use it to try to quit smoking. I was SO close to throw that out, but, I promised that today I was going to keep positive.

Shanghai is very western in style. It's much more modern and progressive than Beijing. And the people seem to be much friendlier, and less formal. Mrs. Xu is WONDERFUL!!! More about that in a second...

We then visited the Children's Palace, where lots of children go to take drama, art, writing, music, and chinese opera lessons. It was really cool. We met a young man who was the drama teacher, who was teaching 4-5 year olds. They were very excited about having American visitors in their class, and two of the children sang us some songs. It was adorable!

We then went upstairs to watch little girls learn how to perform Beijing Opera, which is a dying art in China. In a neat queue about 8 feet long, all of their little shoes were lined up, and they were singing and dancing and learning this art. Again......cute, cute, CUTE!

Then we saw art work, music lessons in piano, erhu, accordian, and violin, as well as a couple of creative writing classes. It was really cool! Of course, because she's seen everything, the Empress stayed outside the whole time in the courtyard, pouting since it wasn't a place she wanted to visit. I was about ready to tell her where to go.....

But we trekked on and I plastered the best smile and cheery personality I could muster given the circumstance. Many of you would have been very proud of me today.

We then went to the Jade Buddha Temple. It was cool, it was very temple-ish, lots of people chanting, and lots of incense. It was almost noxious after a while, to the point that I couldn't stand it. Of course, the Empress thought it was great (hell, it's cheaper for her to inhale the incense smoke than pay for the 2 carton a day habit she must be on). But we saw and learned all about the Buddhist artifacts in this temple, and then saw the two large jade buddhas. Mom managed to get some paper cuts there as gifts, and we luckily didn't get thrown out of the building after the Empress decided she'd superceed the rules and take pictures wherever she liked in total disregard despite what the signs said to the contrary. I wished that the somewhat portly German woman that stood next to her looking in disgust would have taken her camera, and smashed it against the wall. But alas, nothing happened, except for the fact that the Empress, yet again, looked like a complete idiot.

After the temple, we went to the Shanghai National Museum. Mrs. Xu, the patient soul that she is, asked if everyone liked museums. Not surprisingly, To Wong Fu chimed in immediately and said, "no, we're not." Again I bit my lip. And again, I smiled.

I think I'm going to need a new lip by the time I get back home. Then again, TWF is a complete simpleton, and I'm really not surprised at ALL that that was his response. But, we were able to see awesome Qing, Ming, Han, and Song dynasty scrolls, artifacts, furniture, calligraphy. It was spectacular.

After the museum, we were taken to The Bund, a section of Shanghai that looks very European, and very western. We then had lunch, which consisted of a tomato/egg dish, a chicken and potato concotion, hot sour soup, lemon chicken, bok choy, and cabbage. Again it was a wonderful lunch. The Empress, of course, made it very known to us and to Mrs. Xu that she is sick of Chinese food at this point of the trip (and it's only week one), and continues to remind us of that. Of course every meal, she needs to have ice for her drink. She needs to have salt and pepper. She needs to have soy sauce. She has to always have a fork. And she should be getting a good swift kick in the ass too...

We then left the restaurant, and went up the walkway to the Bund, along the river. At this point, God smiled on mom and I (and must have rewarded me for being almost sickly nice), the clouds parted, and the sun came out.

Well, the sun came out, the clouds kind of parted, but at last To Wong Fu and the Empress went their separate way for about an hour or so. We had Mrs. Xu all to ourselves. From this moment, through the rest of the day, was probably the BEST experience I have EVER had touring on vacation. She knew that I wanted to get osmanthus tea. So we went to this cool little tea shop off the beaten path. We got to experience a formal tea ceremony, and we were able to try several different types of tea. I ended up getting lychee, jasmine, ginseng, and osmanthus tea. It was all WONDERFUL. What a cool experience, not to mention that she got me one hell of a deal.

We then learned about the Bund, it's significance, and about what life is like in China from Mrs. Xu's perspective. It was invaluable.

But alas, all things came to an end (crashing an burning) as we then met up with the gruesome twosome, and headed to old-town Shanghai. Well, I think that the medina in Morocco, and this old town Shanghai are two peas in one pod. Being a weekend, I think all 18 million Shanghai residents were all in one spot....yeah....right where we were. It was really cool. And, God shined on mom and I again, as the dynamic duo finally left for the day. Mrs. Xu then took us to an artist/calligrapher's studio, where we met a master calligrapher. Mom was able to buy some brushes made of fox, lamb, wolf, (and who knows what else....walrus, eel, mongoose, lemming...) and some other cool things. It was really cool.

The final thin Mrs. Xu did, was she took us around the Old Town and showed us the central food restaurant there. She then showed us ALL of the different kind of foods that Shanghai has to offer, as well as what they were, as she know that I loved to cook. It also was incredible.

We then went back to the hotel (which has a spectacular view of Shanghai as our room is on the 21st floor), got some beers and thought we would prepare ourselves for supper tonight. Mrs. Xu then gave us a recommendation of a restaurant she always takes her out of town guests to in Shanghai. So we then got ready, took a cab, and proceeded to the restaurant.

This was a dumpling restaurant. And it was fantastic! It, by far, was the BEST restaurant I have been to in a very long time, and the dumplings were to die for. We had pork, pork with crab, shrimp, pork with rice, etc. It was wonderful! After getting enough to eat, we ventured back to our hotel. All the while, mom and I commented on how cosmopolitan Shanghai is, and that it doesn't seem like it's Chinese at all, but rather a melting pot of many cultures. It was cool.

Meanwhile back at the ranch....I understand TWF and the Empress went to Pizza Hut....

Yeah...like we can't get THAT at home....

We're off to Yichang tomorrow to embark on our river cruise. We're looking forward to it. Our flight leaves later in the afternoon, so we don't have to rush all over the place to get everything ready.

This may be the last online entry for a good share of a week, but I hope to keep you all posted the best I can once we hit land again.

China Chapter 6

2008-10-10T16:09:00.005-05:00

It's about 5:30 a.m. on Saturday morning in Shanghai. I am finally getting back on track as far as sleep is concerned.

Well, last night we probably had one of the best meals I think we've eaten since coming to China. It consisted of a corn-porridge soup (this was probably the worst of everything), a really spicy sweet chicken dish, sliced cold beef, shrimp with some snow peas, sauteed celery and pearl onions, deep fried beef, and red bean won tons. It all was delicious.

We then ventured off to the Shanghai Acrobats show at the Ritz Carlton. While we were going to the show, Mrs. Xu was describing what our day would be on Saturday (today), and how we were going to go about planning for the day. No sooner did she start talking, the Empress, yet again, interrupted the conversation and pulled out a list of about 6 things scratched out on a cocktail napkin (more about that in a second) that she wanted to make sure she saw while she was in Shanghai. She also started badmouthing Annie (again) about how Annie made the tour all about Annie.

I'm beginning to think our Empress is a royal pain in the ass.

Mrs. Xu, being experienced and deft, I think is getting a sense of what the Empress is like, and said, "well, I have many things on the list that I must show you as part of the tour, and if we have time later, we might be able to see some of those other things."

The Empress then shot back, "well, we will probably want to do our own thing in the afternoon." I'm hoping that Mr. Lee drops them off IN the Yellow Sea. My vote is to let them SWIM their way back.

To Wong Fu said that they had gotten into the vodka from the time that we were dropped off at the airport, and the time that we were on our way to lunch. The Empress was shit-faced. Yippee. At dinner, they were asking some very personal questions of mom and myself, and then they wanted to know what we were going to write as a comment card back to Pacific Delights Tours about our guide Annie in Beijing. I told them that we were planning to send comments back, and that there were several things that we wanted to mention (and in my mind I'm thinking "like them" for example). After about 5 minutes of trying to pry specifically what we were going to include, Tim/To Wong Foo said, "well, let's change the subject." I responded, "great idea."

Well, the acrobat show FAR exceeded anything that I have ever seen. I remember seeing the Shanghai Acrobatic Troupe show on PBS when I was a kid, and remember all of the elements of Chinese Opera, the traditional clothing, the balancing and the tumbling, and the contortion. It was all there, only updated to more of a modern thing. It was spectacular! How they are able to do the things they do are amazing, and what energy they all possess. Mrs. Xu said that if you get tickets to see a show like this in Shanghai, at the Ritz, you are very, VERY lucky because it is a treat.

It certainly was.

Today we're off to do a lot of things, like the Shanghai Museum, the Children's Palace, the Bund, and some other things. Then tonight, Mrs. Xu recommended a dumpling restaurant to try for supper tonight. She says that it's great, and that it's where she always takes her family's out of town guests when they visit her. Should be exciting!

China Chapter 5

2008-10-10T01:35:00.002-05:00

Well, we arrived safely in Shanghai. We left this morning at about 6:30 a.m. to head for the Beijing Airport to catch our flight. Annie dropped us off, and then got our reservations ready for us, got us our boarding passes on China Southern Airlines flight number 3907. Of course, To Wong Fu and the Empress needed to have an emergency exit row as they needed more leg space since To Wong Fu is tall. Annie quickly shot back, "but you don't speak Chinese, so that's not possible." It was amazing seeing how much the imperial twosome packed in their suitcases, being 4 kgs over the maximum allowed weight, and the fact that I haven't seen them change clothes once since we got here.

Anyhow, Annie then led us to security.

I was a little nervous about going through security, as I always do in any foreign country. They really do a great job of searching everything in China, and little did I know, that my passport set off the metal detector. I'm suspecting that this new passport I have now has a microchip. It sure sent the wand the woman was using to wand me (another difference from the U.S.- two women screening ALL passengers, male and female) into a dither.

Well, we got through o.k. We waited for the other twosome in our group (we're getting used to this about them) to get through, and you would have thought that they had contraband. Instead, because they are heavy HEAVY smokers, their lighters sent the security people into a dither. What should have only taken about 5 minutes, turned out to take 20, and then after we got done waiting for them, they needed to go to the opposite end of the concourse so they could light up again.

It's tiring.

So mom and I walked along the corridor, and ventured into a couple of different stores. We thought about purchasing some of the strange and unusual items in the store, but then thought the better of it once we put things into scope and realized it might make things in our bags smell like poo. We were thinking about getting duck tongue, duck liver, duck legs, or whole ducks for everyone, but somehow I have a hard time believing that it would remain cold for 10 more days and for 4 to 5 more cities.

The cool thing about shops in China are the packaging and how they present everything in the stores. It's really spectacular. It's like Target, only BETTER.

Well, we got to Shanghai at about 11 p.m. The flight on China Southern Airlines was actually fantastic. The service was great, the English was limited, but a cool thing they did was actually thank everyone for flying, and then as they all stood in front of the cabin, they all did a bow, and went on their merry way. And all we got on United was a scolding for not having our seats buckled in time.

Mrs. Xu was there to pick us up at the airport. Mrs. Xu is like the yang to Annie's ying. She's more mature, more relaxed, and more in tune to what we, the tourists, want to do. She's WAY more flexible, and speaks English excellently. Mr. Lee is our driver, and he is about 25. I had the opportunity to ride shotgun through Shanghai to the restaurant and then to the hotel with him. And he's quite funny. At one point, the traffic (which is really amazing since you don't see many accidents when you should see one every 10 seconds) was bad, and a woman with a painted flower car pulled out in front of the van we were in. It said something like "this is Jenny's car" or "Jenny's having a great day," or 3 to 4 phrases like that on the side of it. Mr. Lee said to me, "Jenny must be driving the car." To which I responded, "Jenny needs to get her ass out of the way."

I liked seeing Mr. Lee laugh.

We went to a silk factory before lunch and before we got to the hotel. It was FASCINATING. We saw how silk is made, and how silk thread is spun. We then (of course) got to shop in the silk factory. We got to try our hand at making silk batting for silk comforters (which was really cool), and mom and I ended up buying 2 queen-size comforters each (the top of the line) for dirt cheap. Hopefully we'll remember we bought them when we get home, as they should arrive about 4 days after we get home. But, I will say, they are extremely nice, and very VERY soft.

We then headed to the hotel. The Hua Ting Tower is right near the huge soccer stadium and is directly across from an IKEA shop that mom's been eyeing. It's really a cool hotel. Although, the elevator lobby is a little confusing, since it's shaped like a circle, and there's about 10 different cars you could possibly ride. Once you hit the button to go up, you just never know which car it will be.

It's like Vegas, only funner.

Anyhow, we're relaxing in the room prior to going to dinner. It'll be interesting to see what happens tomorrow, as we have a huge day planned again. We've already had the inkling that the Empress and her consort will probably not be joining us. That might not be a bad thing. I'm afraid I'd probably rip off the Empress' loose, spider-like fake eyelash if she's around me much longer. She certainly likes to let everyone know how much she knows and how she's been around the world, even though half her stories and facts are.....well....fiction.

Tonite we have Shanghainese dinner and then an acrobatics show (I'm really looking forward to this), and then get back late this evening.

More tomorrow.

China Chapter 4

2008-10-09T04:11:00.002-05:00

Today was the first free day that we’ve had since we arrived in China. I think it also was the first night where I actually slept normally and am adjusting to the time difference. After all, here, it’s 13 hours ahead. So as I write this at 4:33 p.m. on Thursday afternoon, it’s 3:33 a.m. Thursday morning.

Anyhow, I think the hardest thing to do was to decide what we wanted to do. After putting the kibosh on the hutong tour, we needed to come up with an alternative plan. So we decided to talk at breakfast (which again was wonderful) and decided that seeing the Temple of Heaven was a must. We also decided to visit the famous Wangfujing Street market. Well, it’s not so much a market as much as it is a shopping mecca in general.

The first thing that was a little stressful was the fact that we don’t speak Chinese. This is kind of a problem, especially if you have to take a cab to go where you need to. I will say this: the service that we have had from everyone here in China has been FANTASTIC. Everyone that we have come in contact with has been spectacularly helpful. I sure hope that Americans can have a chance to see how to treat out of town guests.

Anyhow, the hotel that we’re staying at has little cards that help guests tell cabbies where they need to be taken. The porter outside, Rack, always smiles, and is always helpful, and made sure that the cab driver knew where we needed to go.

So, we arrived at the Temple of Heaven. I also learned how to say, “how much is it?” in Chinese. And, surprisingly, they know what I’m saying! Whoau, what a more practical thing to say than “the little boy is sitting on the left wing of the yellow airplane.” Once we were at the Temple of Heaven, what a cool park it’s situated in! There are ALL kinds of Beijingers that go there to play cards, learn music lessons, do karaoke, play dominoes, do tai chi, do line dancing, tango dancing, and this really cool ribbon dance thing. What was truly remarkable was the fact that it was a mesh of all generations of people doing things together: and having a good time and enjoying the company.

We were asked many times if we wanted to join in, but because I didn’t want to make a COMPLETE ass of myself, I passed. I was afraid I might show them up. Or be the butt of ALL of the conversation.

The Temple of Heaven is quite a monument. It was made without a single nail. It’s round, very tall, and very blue. I wish it was more of a sunny day today to really show how spectacular it is, but today is the first day since we’ve been here where the smog is really REALLY heavy. It stings your eyes, and makes it very difficult to breathe.

We were at the Temple of Heaven all morning, and ran into our compatriots while mom stopped to use the loo. Apparently without her notice, Margaret, the Empress (as we now call her) had a tampon stuck to her woolen coat. Tim (her travel companion) noticed it, pulled it off her jacket (without the Empress knowing) and later said, “are you saving this for later?”

I just about wet myself.

Anyhow, after touring the Temple of Heaven, we then ventured to Wangfujing Dajie (Wangfujing Street). It was very nice. There was a HUGE mall, very upscale there, and then a walking street where there were lots of Chinese shops where you could buy tea, apothecary herbal medicines, clothing, silk (mom bought some there), and musical instruments. I had my first opportunity to look over several guzhengs today. It was fun!!!! However, the only models they had were the Dunhuang cheaper model, but no Tianyi’s or Scarlet Birds (Zhuque). So we’ll keep looking. Although the guy in the music store started playing it, and it was really cool.

We stopped off for some coffee, and did some people watching, we then went to a cool bread shop where we had an inside out hot dog thingy on a stick. Everything cool to eat is on a stick apparently. After doing a lot of walking, we decided to go back to the hotel, put our feet up, have our late lunch things (as it’s now about 5 p.m.), and then venture out tonight if it stops raining. Right now, though, it’s pretty overcast, and it was raining earlier.

We venture off to Shanghai tomorrow morning early. We have to leave for the airport at 6:30 a.m. to make our flight at 9 a.m. We’re taking China Southern Airlines and the flight should take just short of 2 hours. Then tomorrow, we have the afternoon off before going out for dinner and seeing a Shanghai Acrobat show.

Should be interesting!

China Chapter 3

2008-10-09T04:07:00.002-05:00

Where to begin today…

Well first off, we had breakfast again, and again it was wonderful. We ventured off on our merry way (and it was still early enough for us to be merry at this point). We headed toward the Great Wall at Badaling, as well as the Ming Tombs and the Sacred Way.

The first stop, however, was to a cloisonne factory. This actually was on the tour as part of the itinerary, unlike the pearl stop yesterday. It was fascinating. The intricate details, the coloring, the piddly time it takes just to make one cloisonne object was simply stunning, not to mention interesting. There were many things for us to buy in the factory store (surprise…surprise), and really, some of the stuff was really beautiful. And, it was pretty damn expensive. But, we were again whisked away so that we could get to the Great Wall before we were even able to really get into the shopping mode.

We got to the Great Wall at Badaling. It was about an hour and 15 minutes by car northwest of Beijing. I know from some of the tour books, this particular entry point is very popular among tourists, and is probably the most famous. I didn’t mind. Hell, it really is one of the only spots in the world that I have really wanted to visit. And my pictures really do not do the Great Wall the justice it deserves. It’s truly one of the most incredible things I have ever seen in my life. Just thinking of the number of years, and the number of people that had lost their lives making that wonder of the world is mind boggling. No more mind boggling than the actual climb on the wall itself. I would say that “dizzying” is a much better descriptor for what we climbed. In all of its unevenness of steps, the steep inclines in a couple of sections, not to mention the people pushing wheelchairs (of all things) up it, it was really remarkable.

What made it the most dizzying was the fact that you’re climbing a wall on a steep cliff, and there is no such thing as the steps being level, so everything looks a little crooked as you climb to the top. Annie, our tour guide, insisted that this was the “easy” climb of the Great Wall. Sir Edmund Hillary would have needed his crampons to climb this thing....using the difficult section. Eegads!
We got to the top of the Great Wall section, and had a great panoramic view of the Yan Mountains, and the Wall traversing the mountains as far as the eye can see. And it was pretty damn windy too. At one point, mom accosted an unsuspecting older Spanish grandmother who you could see was shivering. I don’t know if the look on that woman’s face was to say she was amazed at the kindness, or wondering “what the hell are you doing, don’t touch me!” Even though it was chilly, climbing the Wall was enough to make anyone warm, except for the twosome we’re travelling with. After all, they’re from the warm climates. In fact, I did happen to get a picture of them walking down the Great Wall, in their winter wear. They were bundled up like eskimos from Nome. I can understand wearing a jacket, but I think the raspberry beret, gloves, wool coat, scarf, and ski cap were a bit much, considering that the temperature was about 62 degrees.

Our knees were very shaky afterwards, so we went to one of the gift shops and ended up buying t-shirts, and some official Beijing Olympics wear. I was a little put off by the size, as I had to buy a 4XL shirt to find one that would remotely fit. I think the clerk was passive-aggressively telling me that I was fat. Hopefully eating Chinese food day in and out will get me down to a 3 and a half XL. One can only hope.

We went to lunch, and lunch was great. We then ended up doing a bit more shopping at the Dan Yi Friendship Store, where mom proceeded to find silk fabric for a quilt. From the looks of the clerks in the store, they probably thought that mom was on crack for the small amounts that she needed to buy for this quilt. I still haven’t gotten anything other than the two t-shirts so far (perhaps it is the trauma of it). But if I find that guzheng, I will more than make up for the difference.

We then went to the Ming Tombs and the Sacred Way. Probably the best word to describe it was that it was peaceful, and it was another glorious day outside. We then traveled to the tombs to see some of the relics. At this point in our journey, is probably the first point where I got extremely irritated.

Annie, our tour guide, asked mom and I if we wanted to go on the Hutong optional tour tomorrow. Mom and I told her that we really didn’t discuss it much and asked how soon she needed to know. She told us that she needed to know as soon as possible.

About 10 minutes later, all the while Annie was walking along with us mind you, she said that her tour company called and wanted to know if anyone was going on the tour, and that she needed to know now. Not ONCE did I see her answer her phone, and mention anything. I didn’t like feeling lied to.

After that, and then having Annie tell mom that she needed to pay in cash, and not a credit card, our mind was made up.

We’re not seeing the Hutong. Another thing, I don’t think I could handle another propaganda sales pitch for goods and services that we don’t need!

We then travelled back to the city of Beijing, and went to a Kung Fu show. I pooh-poohed the kung fu show prior to the trip. However, I will be the first to admit: I was DEAD WRONG. Actually it was quite cool, acrobatic, and was like a modern dance with kung fu in it. It was very enjoyable.

We then went for dinner to a popular restaurant in Beijing. The interesting thing about it was that none of the tour groups were seated upstairs in the main dining room. We all were relegated by the restaurant to be seated in the basement. And, to top it all off, we were told that our food would be the same as the the lunch we were served. Oh goody…

I think the thing that was the most offensive was that here we were tucked away in the bowels of this restaurant basement, and the dinnerware we were served on looked like my niece’s play kitchenware (you know, the plastic kind that’s been mentioned in the news lately?).
After eating dinner, and heading out of the restaurant, I found it very unsettling that Annie pulled me aside and asked me if I would be willing to write a comment letter about our experience with her. I don’t know if she thinks that I would be the nicest or what, but I really felt it puts me in a very awkward position. I am going to write a letter, but unfortunately for Annie, it’s going to have some very “constructive” things included with it.

After getting back to the hotel at about 9 p.m., mom and I decided to retire to our room, we cracked open a couple of beers, and relaxed before retiring for bed. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m sure will have more interesting experiences to share.

China Chapter 2

2008-10-07T03:52:00.002-05:00

Well, today we had a great breakfast to start our day. We had poached eggs with spinach, bacon, chicken sausage, french toast, bread pudding, and these things called steamed milk buns that were to die for. We are also learning the skill of chopsticks. At least I'm learning how to eat slower.

After meeting the other 2 people on our tour (and yes, there are only 4 people in our group), we ventured out to our destinations for the day. Margaret and Tim, the other two people on the tour, are from California and Florida respectively, and so far they seem very nice. Both of them are really good friends.

Anyhow, we started off going to Tiananmen Square, where we saw the Great Hall of the People, the National Museum, the monument to the fallen, and Chairman Mao's mauseleum. We also saw Tiananmen gate. There were tons of people milling around the world's largest public square, and it is immaculately clean. It has been a beautiful day outside, and the sun has been shining all day.

We then went to the Forbidden City, where there also were a ton of people there. I shouldn't be so surprised considering there are about 4 times as many Chinese people than there are of Americans. Chinese people, I have found, are very assertive. They are assertive in driving (eegads....that is the only word to describe how they drive bikes and cars, or how they cross the streets as pedestrians). They are also very assertive in taking photos, and have no qualms about getting right in front of you to get that once in a lifetime shot. You learn fast. I was just as assertive. I don't think I made a couple people happy, but....at least MY photos turned out spectacular.

We saw the imperial treasures, with lots of jade, lapis lazuli, and tourmaline, and then were whisked into an are where we had the opportunity to buy all sorts of things. More about this later.

We also saw our first "made in America" product, which would be the Buick van Mr. Wong (our driver) is taking us around in. Our tour guide Annie has been very patient with us so far, and she seems like she's a newer tour guide. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Lunch was delicious, and we ate Northern/Mandarin/Beijing style cuisine. We had this beef and onion dish, broccoli, pressed breaded chicken, cabbage in beef broth, sweet/sour cabbage soup, fried shrimp, and these little bun things with a sweet cream that were to die for.

We then were whisked down to watch an oyster/pearl shelling demonstration, and had the opportunity to go in and purchase any pearl kind of thing imagineable.

We then toured the grounds and some of the buildings of the Summer Palace, Lake Kunming, took a boat ride, and learned all about how the Empress Dowager Cixi "the dragon lady" ruled the roost at this palace.

After we got done with that, we were able to stop at a chinese market so that mom could buy some eyeliner, and that Tim and Margaret could buy some wine or liquor. Well, as much as I pooh-poohed by learning of Mandarin from Rosetta Stone, I came to mom's rescue when the ladies behind the counter were pulling out all different colors of eyeliner, like maroon, gray, navy (all colors I didn't learn, mind you), and mom only wanted black. I then said she wanted black in Chinese (one of the 5 colors I learned) and we were able to get the right thing.

We then went over because we needed to have some beer or something before our Peking Duck dinner tonite. When they asked how many, I said 6 please. I feel like Rain Man.

The tour guide was sure shocked as hell.

So was I.

Anyhow, we're not relaxing before dinner, and looking forward to seeing the Great Wall tomorrow.

More soon!

China Chapter 1

2008-10-06T05:12:00.004-05:00

This is the first entry of what is to be the great China escapade. I am not so sure if it's so much an escapade, or rather if it is a fiasco.

We started off our morning with getting to the bus stop at about 7:45 a.m. What a surprise it was to finde that Jolene, a dear friend of my mom's, was there at the bus station to greet us. I thought for a second, she was there to join us on our trek across China. Instead, she just brought us Chinese take out. It was really cute. She had stuffed the red Chinese take out boxes with candies and other assorted goodies, and wished us well on our adventure.

We managed to get to O'Hare in timely fashion, and after about 20 minutes through security, we managed to get through it without any hassles. Mom and I decided that we would stop at a local bar/eatery and grab a bloody mary, as we wanted to unwind from the stress of getting everything through security. They were tasty. The server was a peach, and even carded Mom. I thought this was kind of hokey, but apparently she had to card everyone that came in. A bit while later, a young guy sat down at a table near us, and ordered some mixed alcoholic beverage, and when we laughed about being carded, mom piped right up and said, "she even carded me!" The young guy, being the charmer, said "you don't look a day over 20."

I said, "how about try 20-ish, it's a lot more broad scope."

We ended up playing rubbernecker's airport version. It was pretty fun considering airports are a great way to people watch. And even more fun after you've had a couple of stiff bloodies in ya before noon.

The plane left on time, and a new feature that was a new experience was the fact that we had to get our visas checked before we could get on the plane. This makes total sense, but I think checking it about 4 times is a bit excessive. The other thing was trying to get everyone to pay attention and get on board. It's no better than being a cat wrangler.

The crew was quite entertaining on the plane. I would say that the food so far (and mind you, it's plane food) is best described as grim. During our beef/chicken/mystery slurkey extra-long noodle dish, one flight attendant came up and said, "would you like the recipe?"

It was funny.

I think the fish noodle dish was about the worst thing I've ever had on an airplane in my life.

The flight attendant continued her wittiness, by telling one of the younger male flight attendants (who didn't know how to exactly heat up milk) to just put the milk in one of the barf bags, heat it up, and no one will ever know the difference. Except for me that is.

We saw several movies, "Then She Found Me," "Baby Mama" (funny, and Tina Fey DOES look like Sarah Palin), "Hamilton" (stupid), and "Speed Racer" (which I watched in honor of my brother's love for that 70's cartoon).

Passengers on planes I have realized are really inconsiderate, especially the fartknocker that sat in front of me, who practically had his head in my lap from reclining back so far, and proceeded to break wind the entire 13 and a half hour marathon of a flight to Beijing. It smelled like kimchee.

At about 10AM China time, we were flying over the Sea of Okhotsk and the Gulf of Shelekhova, the later sounding more like being named after a famous woman tennis star, or a Russian assault rifle, rather than anything else.

We also managed to give our first nicknames while we were at O'Hare, "Nervous Ned and his wife Bunny." Nervous Ned had a hard time standing still, and Bunny, his wife, well...befit the name "Bunny." I'll let everyone figure that one out.

Well we got to Beijing just fine, and the airport is HUGE. I would totally have gotten lost, had it not been for the herd of people walking through the airport from our flight. We made it through customs, and went to baggage claim. I swear it was a free-for-all. I suggested that they speed up the baggage carousel a bit faster to REALLY give people a challenge. WOW! It (the carousel) really moved fast. It was surely not for the faint at heart, or for the timid.

We made it out of the airport, our guide, Annie, was there to pick us up at the airport, got us a taxi, and sent us off to the Renaissance Hotel in Beijing, in what looks like a financial/business district of Beijing. The weather here is very similar to Wisconsin, and what I really love is all of the deciduous trees that line all of the main roads and freeways. It really looks good.

The traffic....whoa. Our taxi driver certainly is assertive alright....man....I about crapped myself twice getting from the airport to the hotel.

Well, no more news to report, we have a HUGE day tomorrow, and after about an hour and a half total of sleep in the last 48 hours, I think it's about time for some shut-eye.

More soon!

Check Back For Updates

2008-10-04T17:20:00.000-05:00

As you all know, I'm leaving for China tomorrow. I hope to be able to post the "goings-on" of my trek through China. Hopefully I will be able to do it justice!

Check back periodically for details!

New MapQuest Local shows what's happening at your destination. Dining, Movies, Events, News & more. Try it out!

Splitting Hairs

2008-10-04T15:30:00.002-05:00

Well, actually, this is about cutting hair.

Frantically trying to get everything ready for my trip tomorrow, one of the things that I had made an appointment to do was to get my haircut this past Thursday. I usually get my haircut every three weeks by the same stylist that has cut my hair for as long as I remember. Sue does a fantastic job, and unfortunately I got the call in the morning on Thursday, telling me that Sue was out sick.

I wasn't happy.

I then asked for someone else that was available, and was told that Carrie could do my haircut at the same time I had originally scheduled my appointment. Begrudgingly (and not knowing this Carrie person), I accepted the appointment.

When I got there, I met Carrie. Carrie isn't a day over 19 years old. As we were conversing about how I like my hair cut with electric clippers (I like SHORT hair), she realized she didn't have them at her workstation. I was a bit concerned.

Furthermore, she indicated that she left them out in her truck. She said for me to wait a second while she went and got them. I said it wasn't a problem.

When she came back, she then proceeded to tell me that she had just taken her board examinations earlier in the morning. The look of "shear" terror on my face (mixed with panic) must have been obvious, as three of the other stylists must have been looking at me and they all were giggling. I thought to myself, "this isn't a good sign."

Well, after figuring out that I use clipper guard number "1/2" (and having to find it myself in Sue's workstation), I proceeded to get a haircut. She then said, "wow, cutting it this short really leaves no room for error, does it?" I tittered nervously, and said, "um....it sure doesn't does it?"

I'm used to Sue. Sue is gentle. Sue knows how to cut short hair. Believe me, I have gotten some ROTTEN haircuts in my life (especially one in which I had about 3 clipper nicks in my scalp). I trust Sue. Carrie, on the other hand, went up the back of my head like an Aussie sheepherder shearing sheep. I was literally manhandled.

After directing her what to do (and about crapping myself in the process), she finished up the back of my head. Another scary thing was that she stepped back a couple of steps, marveled at her work and said, "wow, I really did a great job on the back!"

I think I wet myself at that point given her vote of self-confidence.

After sitting in what I would have preferred to have been an electric chair rather than a barber's, she finished my haircut.

The result:

It looks great. To top it all off, I spent about $10 bucks less than I otherwise would have. As much as I like Carrie's work, I think I'll stick with Sue, even though Carrie's much more cost effective.

Eavesdropping

2008-09-27T12:54:00.002-05:00

I love eavesdropping.

When you're a kid, your parents always tell you to mind your own business. When you're in a public setting, you're always told not to stare, not to eavesdrop, and use good manners. When you're a kid, you're always drawn to the conversation of grown-ups in the room like moths to a light bulb, and parents find this about as annoying as the pesky moth. Somehow, this tenet never stuck with me. I'm sure people are not surprised. And I love interjecting my opinion when given the go-ahead.

Last night, I again visited my local watering hole. I really think given all the times that I spend there that I should do research or something on human behavior, or a mind boggling sociology experiment. It would probably be a better use of my time. Then again, at times the "control group" in this environment is anything but in control.

Back to eavesdropping. At one point in the evening, I was sitting alone and two guys were sitting next to me. One of them was a conversation commando. I don't think that his friend ever got a word in edgewise. Rather, he nodded his head in agreement, but it was obvious he was getting bored with the conversation.

It was about poker.

I don't understand poker. I don't want to understand poker. And I really don't care about the strategy of poker. The only strategy I would have is "win." This dialogue dictator talked about hands he played, strategies he used, the ineptness of competitors that he played against, the ins, the outs, and the theories of poker, for 35 minutes. And somehow, I still listened. Yes, I'm an eavesdropper.

His friend was a saint. He sat there and listened patiently. Yet, he never said a word, except for an occasional "uh huh" or "yup."

I would have preferred waterboard torture.

I would like to think that my conversations with people are very interesting. I would like to think that I'm interesting. And I have the biggest fear that I would be a dullard like the poker guy last night. "I HOPE I'm not THAT guy," I said to myself as I sat there continuing to eavesdrop.

Perhaps I'm more cerebral. And I know I'm judgemental. In fact there were two girls that sat in the same seats as the Hoyle duo, that I observed greeting other friends, and said something as they greeted each other that was apparently funny to them. It was something like "we were wondering where you were," to which the response was, "we knew you were here." I really don't remember anything else, simply for the fact that it was ordinary, and very unfunny. What was extraordinary though was watching the one girl laugh hardily at her friend's witticism.

I thought to myself, "simpleton" and proceeded to watch the football game rerun that was on TV.

Whenever you want to eavesdrop, it seems, you never get the juicy details or conversational tidbits that you wish to overhear, like some scandal (or as K. Andreah spells it, "scandle"), or some information about you that you can hold over one's head in the future as ammunition.
Not that I'm vengeful or anything. I just like to be VERY informed.

Eavesdropping: information at it's finest?

Wonderful World of Dave

2008-09-22T19:33:00.002-05:00

Well, it's 13 days until my vacation to China. I know all you readers out there (ok, well maybe all 10 of you...........golly I hope there's more than that!) are probably sick of hearing me talk about my vacation count down. I'm going stir crazy, and this wonderful outlet has been an interesting journey thus far, and at least keeps me occupied while I wait impatiently.

I am hoping to bring interesting fodder while I'm on vacation. Recently I procured a laptop computer, and I'm planning on taking it along with me to update things....a veritable travelogue...while my mom and I are traipsing through China on our oriental adventure. I came across a few things that will give you a little bit of flavor for my style of travelogue. And hopefully you will see my interesting "spin" on things.

Here's the first glimpse of some historical travel posting that I have done in the past. This was an email I sent home to my family while my mom and I traveled to Portugal, Spain, and Morocco in September/October of 2006. Enjoy!

October 10, 2006

Well, Sorry that it has taken so long for us to be able to write to let you know what´s going on. So many things have happened where to begin...

When we got to the airport a week ago Friday, what an interesting experience. When we got on the plane, and were ready to shove off from the gate, there was a delay that would cause us to be late getting to Newark to catch our flight to Lisbon. It wouldn´t have been so bad, however, it would have made us have to miss our flight.

After dealing with one ticket counter, one ¨not-so-informational¨ girl at the information desk, and two trips through security, we managed to get back on the plane with about 2 minutes to spare. Luckily, through the whole ordeal we ended up befriending a young woman who was flying from Chicago to Lisbon as well, and she managed to steer us in the right direction. After that, we got to Newark ok, managed to get on a later flight to Lisbon the same evening, and then after our fun, we decided a beer was in order. After doing some shopping, and experiencing some Japanese dude break wind really loudly while checking the store for some contact solution, we got on the plane.

We arrived in Lisbon and made it to the hotel just fine. Lisbon is very old, and very hilly, with a big castle on the hill that we were able to take pictures of both at night and during the day. It had a lot of small narrow streets and a lot of dogs, and a lot of dog shit. Which is amazing considering most of the dogs are somewhat emaciated, and somehow the rule ¨what goes in must come out¨ does not apply.

We visited Queluz Palace which was absolutely stunning, as well as the resort towns of Estoril and Cascais, which would have been a great place to spend a vacation for about a week (and about a week only, as the Portuguese are so friendly). We managed to watch a speed boat race and had a great lunch. We then proceeded to go to Sintra, which is a UNESCO world heritage sight. My what a beautiful city! It´s in the mountains and tucked away on hills. Hopefully our pictures will do it justice!

We then went to Seville, which reminded us a lot of Chicago in the modern areas. We visited the third largest cathedral in the world, La Giralda, and were able to go up the tower to the minaret to be able to see the whole of the city. We had an awesome dinner at the restaurant (which consisted of fish......yes fish!). The we went out and went shopping. Mom managed to get two watercolors near the cathedral. We then went to a cafe on a side street for lunch, where, thank goodness, my language skills helped make for an otherwise unpleasant experience. Needless to say, after being bombarded by beggars, one beggar (who had no teeth, had no English skills, and very bad manners) wouldn´t leave me alone, then proceeded to call me stupid. That was the third time I´ve heard mom drop the ¨f¨ bomb as she basically told the guy where to go.

We then went shopping around the area, and as we were heading back to the hotel, mom lost the paintings. After painstakingly retracing our steps, and revisiting the places we had been, we were able to recover them, and all was right with the world once again.

By the way, the people are obscenely beautiful in Seville.

Mom did not need her water wings, nose plug, or Esther Williams swim cap for the ferry ride across the straight of Gibraltar (it was just so damn fast!). Remarkably when we boarded the ferry, you were able to see Morocco on the other side.

We arrived in Tangier, and we landed on a completely different planet. It was definitely third world, but beautiful still. We managed to meet up with a wonderful couple from Edmonton, Alberta, named Karin and Ian, who have been a tremendous amount of fun! They´ve been on vacation I think for two weeks prior to us, and Karin said she has been eating her way through vacation (olives off the tree, oranges off the tree, flowers, etc.). She´s quite funny and a LOT of fun. We also managed to give a lot of the people on the tour nicknames. My are there a lot of "interesting" people. You´ll have to ask about the ´Boss of the Rope´.

Rabat was interesting, we managed to visit a mausoleum and necropolis, and once our death tour ended, we ended our evening with a buffet, in which it turned into a free for all. One Israeli woman caught an elbow from me on the chin.

We managed to use the "modern" facilities in Morocco at our first pit stop to Marrakech. I´m not so sure any more whether I mind being able to go to the bathroom outside any more or whether the hole was better. At this point, its a tossup.

Marrakech is very beautiful, very pink, green, blue, and HOT. The vegetation in Morocco is varied and very green. Greener than we expected. Of course, we arrived during Ramadan, where everyone fasts, and everything is unpredictable when it comes to service. Anyhow, there are a LOT of homeless people, and the farms and villages are way more primitive than anything we´ve ever seen before. But, in all, the people were extremely nice, polite, and in many cases grateful that they had the tourism.

In Marrakech we managed to purchase 2 carpets (and the Moroccans could teach car salespeople a thing or two about sales, eegads!!!!!!!), and went to the major square, the Djmaa el Fna where we saw snake (ick!) charmers and monkeys, we bought figs, and almonds, and then managed to get them back to the bus. MMM they were good!

We´ve basically eaten everything on the menu as far as variety goes in Morocco, and it´s all been very good.

Fes was interesting, and really, words don't describe what the Medina and the winding narrow streets are like with all of the souks (shops). Lets just say, after 10 minutes, I had enough Medina to last a lifetime. The tour director said that we should take in the atmosphere and the smells. We caught the smells alright, and I think rancid is the word best to describe them. Combined with tannery, donkey, b.o., and cumin. Hmm......that´s quite a smell.

We were able to buy traditional clothing, shoes, etc. at the market.

We arrived in Tangiers yesterday, where Matt Damon (yay.) is filming some James Bond movie that, had I not been to Tangiers while they were filming it, I´d probably have been sure to miss. We boarded the ferry back to the Mainland of Europe today, and went to Gibraltar.

Gibraltar........there´s no words really to describe that either. It´s very interesting, very small, and it´s beautiful. We managed to go through St. Michael´s Caves, walk around the streets, and visit the Barbary Apes. yes....Apes...... Macaques (this word makes me giggle) as a matter of fact. It was interesting! And they were EVERYWHERE!!!!! We had a LOT of rules to follow before getting off the bus. I wasn't so sure I wanted to get off the bus given the litany of instruction. But, as I said before, there´s nothing else like it.

We´re now in Torremolinos and it´s about 8:30 pm. We´re going to be getting in the shower and then going off for some tapas and booze with Karin and Ian. this hotel is right on the Mediterranean. Tomorrow we have the whole day off with no plans.

Anyhow, I guess that´s about it. We´ve taken a ton of pictures, and no major incidences have taken place aside from mom blowing up the room in Tangier. Oh....and mom was able to ride a camel not once.......but TWICE. Once in Marrakech, and once in Tangier. We have pictures for proof.

Hmm....other than that, not much else has happened. The food has been great, the weather has been in the 80s during the day and sunny, and the evenings have been great. We have seen a couple of cool shows in Morocco, and an AWESOME Fado show in Lisbon.

Well, gotta run, more things to see, and do.

Hope all is well with everyone, and love you all lots!

Dave and Mom

Si....I mean Oui

2008-09-20T12:06:00.005-05:00

As my vacation to China is coming up rapidly, lots of things are going through my mind. One of the things I am thinking about is the language barrier.

I don't speak Mandarin. I have been trying to use a software program to teach me this incredibly complicated language. What I've learned so far are some colors, like red, yellow, white, blue, black, and pink (although pink is a little more complicated). I've also learned the words for boy, girl, man, woman, dancing, old lady, old man, fish, airplane, bird, to jump, to walk, to run, to eat, to drink, and to read. And I've learned the words for the numbers 1 through 8.

What it all boils down to is this: I better not ask for anything in multiples of 9. If I decide to buy something, I better like that item in red, blue, yellow, black, white or pink. And if someone asks me to dance, at least I'll know they're not trying to steal my wallet. And if I need assistance, at least I will know how to say, "the little boy is sitting on the left wing of the yellow airplane," or "the white fish is swimming in the aquarium," or "the old man is dancing because he ate too much Mongolian hot pot." Needless to say, I have some concern with my effectiveness in this language.

Without a doubt, I will be thankful once we get to Hong Kong where one of the languages is in English, or when I return to hear the English language. Whenever I have travelled abroad, I find myself thinking very hard due to language issues. I speak French. I speak Spanish. I can decipher Italian. I have a concept of German. But NONE of these languages remotely resembles the Chinese language. I hope my brain doesn't get too tired.

Case in point: I went to Europe several years ago with my friend Jonathan. We took the train from Rome to Amsterdam. It was great! By the time we got to Amsterdam, however, it was extremely rainy. We arrived in Holland at the beginning of April. It was cold. It was damp. And I had a cold. It didn't prohibit me from seeking out things to see in the city of Amsterdam, and the experience of it made me come to like split pea soup. Jonathan and I decided we needed to have some down time before we returned back to the U.S. We decided to see a movie.

The name of the movie escapes me, but from what I recall, it was in English (with Dutch subtitles of course). Michael Douglas was in it, and I had heard rave reviews of it before we left for our trip three weeks earlier. We got our seats. We were relaxed. We were tired. We were looking forward to hearing English.

The movie started. I remember being able to read the credits preceding the movie. And we gave a sigh of relief. "YAY!" we thought, "English." When the movie started, the scene changed to a desert town, that looked much like the Mexican influenced architecture of the desert southwest of the U.S. "Cool," I thought, "this takes place in Arizona." Then the dialogue started.

It was in Spanish.

Furthermore, the subtitles were in Dutch (imagine that, we're in Holland). Jonathan and I looked at each other, started laughing hysterically, to the chagrin of the other Dutch patrons not impressed by our disruption. It wasn't just one scene that was in Spanish, but more like the first 25 minutes.

At minute 26, we cast a sigh of relief. The movie was then in English with Dutch subtitles. After 3 weeks, it was such a pleasant language to hear.

I promise to try my damndest to learn more Chinese, or to learn while I'm there too, but nothing beats coming home to your own language. And, at least if I buy some clothes, I won't have to worry about getting a hot pink one, with a white fish, swimming in an aquarium on an airplane, with an old man eating a sandwich, standing over it dancing.

Thank goodness for that!