All that glitters is not gold.........or grey

Okay, I have to confess. I'm an Olympics junkie.

I can hardly wait to get home to turn on the television. I have two televisions going full-blast at home. I set programming on my satellite so as not to miss any programming....ever...even while I'm sleeping. One never knows....I might want to watch Togo play the Vatican in women's handball (whatever that is) in the event I should happen to wake up at 3:36 in the morning and get the itch to want to learn how to play it, being the jock that I am. Somehow, I think that sleeping is a far more practical option.

Whatever it is, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I can't wait to go to China. After all, I need a vacation, and as of today, China is only 54 days away. I can tell you that after watching the Olympics tonight, my obsession ISN'T because of two reasons.

First.......Bob Costas. The only way that man's hair at his age could be that chocolate to dark-Hershey-Special brown is if he douses himself with Kiwi shoe polish. And his very stupid, cretin-esque humor is one that only a foreign exchange student who lacks English skills could admire. After all, I experienced my family's foreign exchange student (when I was in high school) enjoy the "smart" humor of Three's Company. It's on par. And, it's brutal. No wonder the French love Jerry Lewis.

Second, after watching the women's team gymnastics competition, I can't help but think that former Olympian Tim Daggett must be a chronic nay-sayer. I don't think that man has an ounce of hope. He made Chicken Little look like Pollyanna. I found myself swearing at the television often after hearing his pessimistic spin and diatribe. Then again, if I were long in nose and long in tooth, I'd probably be a chronic negative Nancy as well. Who knows what HIS issue was tonight.

Anyhow, the Olympics, well...I love them anyhow, despite questionable commentators. And, that Michael Phelps is something else! Superhuman comes to mind. WOW!

Hopefully when the Olympic hype is over, the Chinese will still be the happy smiling people that we've come to see on TV.

We'll see.

Ahmal the Night Visitor

Just when you thought it was safe, KER-POW!!!!

After having the afternoon off Monday, I got a lot done around the house, turned in early, and woke up truly refreshed yesterday morning. I let my dogs out, did a load of laundry, made a pot of coffee, checked my email, got ready for work, went into my garage, opened the door to my car and then....

I got that "not-so-fresh" feeling.

I noticed that in my car all of the things that were in the glove box, the center console container, and some papers in my back seat looked as if Hurricane Edouard made a random stop IN my vehicle. My heart started pounding...

I looked through all the things in my vehicle, trying to recollect what it was I actually HAD in my car. Anyone that knows me knows I have difficulty remembering what day it is, let alone be able to complete a total mental inventory of EVERYTHING in my car. I suddenly realized that my cell phone, my cell phone charger, about $10 worth of change, and my favorite sunglasses (when I decide to wear them) had suddenly been liberated from my clutches.

Yes, people, someone or someone and a friend, was ballsy enough to go into my garage, into my car (the one day I DON'T lock it) and stole these items. Apparently they needed those items more than me, but apparently were not astute enough to even use the phone by the time I called my cell phone provider (or maybe they were, depending on how you look at it) and reported it stolen.

Funny though, is that apparently they aren't fond of my musical tastes. Apparently this Night Visitor isn't too fond of classical music, Jonathan and Darlene Edwards' Greatest Hits Volume II, the soundtrack to the Frogs, or a stunning selection of arias from Handel's operas sung by none other than the great Renee Fleming. All of my CD's were still left in my car, even though they had been ransacked just like the center console.

I have always thought I had great taste until yesterday. Then again, when I recall the time when I had a short stint as a bartender, the frequently-sauced owner threatened to fire me for playing music she didn't like. Trust me, I have the wherewithal to know that classical music isn't probably the best option to play for a bar that patrons sporting mohawks, are ex-pole dancers, or pretend to be some other ethnicity that they aren't tend to frequent. I mean, who DOESN'T like the "one hit wonders" of the 80's, the Smiths, cool jazz, or the like?

Apparently my taste sucks. I was, however, consoled when my 19 year-old employee at work did say that I bought "a pretty sweet phone." However, I've spent a couple of hours trying to figure out how it works, since it now slides, chirps, has a touch screen, and has regular phone buttons. The jury is still out on my phone's "sweetness." And, I still don't know how to save numbers. I guess I shouldn't be too distressed about this, seeing that I usually NEVER keep my cell phone on me, and my friends often complain that I never call. At least, for now, I have an excuse for not calling.

I should be able to be technologically savvy enough to figure this out, but I can't help but feel like my parents did whenever my brother and I got them new technology. I guess I'm getting old. Besides, I was hoping that catching this sneaky little shithead would be easy, as I was hoping that I would hear the vocal styling of Renee Fleming blasting out of a souped-up Honda Civic with the bleacher-bench spoiler and Herbie-the-love-Bug muffler on the back, and I could catch them red-handed...

But alas.....

If a tree falls in the woods will it wake me up?

Or how about in the city?

Well, apparently the answer is no. It's not as if a "tree" actually fell last night, but I woke up this morning to an horrific thunderstorm, only to find that two HUGE limbs fell off my silver maple trees. Yes, these limbs fell off and landed partially in my fenced in area of my yard, partially on my fence, and partially on the sidewalk. Combined with a veritable assortment of branches, twigs, and leaves, it's left my yard a mess.....again. I can hardly wait to see if my neighbor across the street from me will pile the brush from my trees in his yard onto the terrace of my yard as he's been known to do.

At first glance it looks like only one of my pickets on the fence suffered injury, but it will be interesting to see if there's more. Gee, I can hardly wait. I am thankful, however, that I wasn't standing underneath it like my good friend (and woodland nymph) Donna. I would most certainly have been injured.

My dogs were VERY unsure about this new "thing" in their playpen/bathroom. In fact, they wanted nothing to do with them. Lucky for me, since I really don't need a greyhound to be loosed from a faulty picket. THAT, my friends, would be a very dangerous situation. After all, they're sneaky.

So I'm about to brave the humidity, and see what I can do to clean my yard up a bit. What a way to spend an afternoon off!

Yet, the damn dead vertical log of a pine tree in my neighbor's yard is still precariously erect. Now why couldn't THAT have fallen? Then again, I'm glad it didn't since it's extremely close to the power line to my house, and God KNOWS when Alliant would ever get around to fixing it.....

UGH!