Truly Barfy

Like every Monday night, I spend my evening at home. This is largely due to all of the other commitments that seem to pop up the rest of the week. So I decided to try something new: watch TV.

I'm not much of a regular TV fan. In fact, I'm the boring nerd that tends to spend time on his computer, and listen to hours and HOURS of public radio. Yes. I'm that guy, only with social skills. So often I find myself in the midst of conversations about different TV shows either at work, or when I'm with friends, and I never seem to know ANY of the programs that they're talking about. We might as well be conversing in Finnish, since to me the subject is like a foreign language that I don't understand, nor has any similar words that I can relate to my syntax.

I mean, I have to confess that I haven't seen an episode of Seinfeld, Friends, Grey's Anatomy, ER, or anything like that. I am not a fan of the show (and glorified version of "shit on your neighbor") Survivor. And anyone that would prostitute themselves on the Bachelor/Bachelorette, or that type of ilk is just opening themselves up to a whole slew of problems: like stalking or VD.

I have, however been known to LOVE Amazing Race, Dancing With The Stars, Top Chef, and an occasional season of American Idol. And that, I'm pleased to say, is the extent of my TV watching repertoire.

However, this past Monday, I became acquainted with a new show. My co-worker Kim (and TV buff) asked if I had seen this particular show last Monday. And, not surprisingly to her, of course I hadn't. But, I thought I would give it a whirl.

Well, nothing can truly describe what I saw. Except that the cast that comprises this show left an indelible impression on me. Yes, 10 people, supposedly beautiful, competing for some prize that I am still not aware of, showing how "beautiful" they are both externally and internally.

Yes, it's the show "True Beauty." And, it was a true test of my patience (and stomach), since about 30 minutes into the show I wanted to throw my soup bowl at the TV screen. I thought the deception of Survivor was bad. I thought the phoniness of Bachelor/Bachelorette was bad. But this show....

WOW.

Now one could argue that I only hate the show because I'm jealous. Of what, would be my response. Here you have six bimbos and four aqua velvas on a show, and the only word that scrolls through my mind (like the Goodyear blimp on this season's Bachelor- yeah, I admit, I saw the latest episode) is "Cretins." I mean, really, who on EARTH truly acts like these people? Self-confident, manipulative, arrogant (or air-headed), and full of themselves. It was stifling, like riding in a car with the windows shut, in the middle of a hot summer day, having the heat cranked at 89 degrees. I wanted to crack a window open and hang my head and tongue out like my hounds when going to "camp," while watching this show.

Fortunately I know my limitations with appearance, being photogenic, and being follicularly challenged. But this cast really has no clue about their shortcomings. And, if I had to be cooped up in a house with this menagerie, it most certainly would be my private hell. Yet I continued to watch this disaster like a train wreck in the middle of rush hour traffic in Chicago.

Perhaps I'm vengeful, since my favorite part of the whole show was seeing the reaction of the episode's "loser" (and really I think all of them are losers) to seeing videos of how they acted when being challenged. How sad it is to think that a challenge is actually showing compassion to other human beings, and seeing a majority of this Roquefort-scented stinker of a cast fail a "test" that an amoeba would be certain to pass.

I certainly loved the lack of remorse and cluelessness of this last "loser." And I REALLY got a kick out of the guy in the fashion show that had no shoes on, only to have the camera pan down for several seconds at his hideous feet that only a hobbit could love. I will say this, in a weird sort of way, this show does an incredible job at citing human short-comings, especially when you have a cast of ego-centric pinheads traipsing around the show. And how brilliant it is they play (and prey) on that.

I'll probably end up watching the whole series simply for this fact. But, I'm sure that given the "surprise" tactic this show uses, it'll end up a one hit wonder like songs of the 80's.

At least now I'll be able to speak basic "Finnish" at the office water cooler.