Pot Luck

This week, I was approached at work to endorse a pot luck in honor of one of my employees who is moving to another office. I was o.k. with the idea in concept. However, when I was asked, it was Thursday morning. Today is Friday, and the day the pot luck was planned. Furthermore, the person who suggested we do it, really isn't much of a cook, and I was somewhat forgiving of the fact that this person has no concept of how much time prepping and cooking things take if one's truly a cook. One day notice, for me, is like asking me to write a 3 hour opera in 15 minutes: it just ISN'T going to happen.

Now, aside from the assorted family reunions, backyard barbecues, and other outside festivities, we all know that these things take a bit of planning. I wasn't about to rack my brain last night trying to figure out what to bring. I have enough things going on without worrying about a culinary venture that most likely won't be appreciated as much as it should. For anyone that knows me, coming up with an idea for a pot luck item is no ordinary task, nor are any of the things I try to cook remotely simple to concoct. Most of them usually take about 3 days to prepare, utilize 18 culinary tricks to pull off, and net me a sink full of pots and pans.

Let's face it. at every pot luck, it seems someone ALWAYS brings the potato salad. Someone ALWAYS brings the deviled eggs. Someone ALWAYS brings coleslaw. Someone (who can't cook) always brings chips or buns, and someone ALWAYS brings the entree. Me? I'm the one that brings roasted eggplant ragout, marinated in a balsamic apricot reduction served with 12-spice hummus dip. Yes, I'm THAT guy.

I never said I was ordinary.

I opted to buy Olive Garden take out, which was quickly approved by the rest of my staff. Though, I did say that if anyone wanted to bring some snacky appetizer thingies, that would be fine too. Some did. And it worked well.

I also came to the realization, though, that you never invite someone committed to a Weight Watchers menu to the party. I'm a skeptic, especially if the person weighs 90 lbs soaking wet and is a size -4. We all know what they bring. It's always healthy. It's always 3.8 points (whatever that means), and it tastes healthy. Tasting healthy, to me, is not a taste I particularly care for. I suppose if I was more fond of things that taste like grass, twigs, flax seed, and tuna, I would probably be 170 pounds. But I am not, which is why I am how I am. So I opted for the reuben dip. After all it has corned beef (mmmm....fatty), cream cheese (mmm .....fatty), swiss cheese (mmm....fatty), 1000 Island dressing (mmmmm.....yummy), and sauerkraut (mmmmm.....stinky). That's MY kind of pot luck item. And it probably has enough points to feed an entire Ethiopian village until 2016.

The other thing that makes me pause to ponder, is that I always must know who made what was brought. I guess it's from previous experience at other functions which makes me skeptical and cautious. I have had some real DOOZIES before. Candied yams with sugar coated pecans and cheddar cheese was probably the scariest, not to mention the unidentifiable dishes that one of my aunts usually passed off as edible. Let's say she brought coconut banana creme pie. In my aunt's case, if she didn't have coconut, she would substitute tapioca. If she didn't have bananas, she would substitute peaches, and if she didn't have cream or eggs, she substituted chocolate instant pudding. Whatever the end result was, no starving emu at the Brooklyn Zoo would be peckish for it. Yes, I call them the "substitute" cooks.

All this considered, I guess no matter how much lead time I would have gotten, I probably would have opted for catering in. At least THAT way you know what you're getting into. That is, until you start thinking about the people who may be cooking it for you! Geesh I should be 60 pounds lighter!