Epilogue and Jetlogue (or lag)

I'm back. And everything is in English again.

Well, my mom and I made it to the airport in Hong Kong, for our United Airlines flight back home. The only thing that was eventful on the flight was the fact that the service was atrocious. What's ironic to me, is how no one was able to carry bottled water, or a soda onto the plane, even AFTER security. It was utterly amazing to me too, that physicians, the FAA, the airline touts the fact that one should keep hydrated, especially on a long flight. I would consider 14 hours in a plane a long flight.

Yet, at the same time, I think United only came around twice with water, they came around once with the drink cart about an hour into the flight, and twice with the Dixie cup of coffee or soda.

I knew it was a bad sign when the flight attendant started handing out a "Please Accept Our Apology" card for the bad service about 3 hours into the flight. I don't know if it's a good thing to be forewarned about the oncoming crappy service that we were about to expect, or if it would be worse not being forewarned. Either way, it was very strange.

There was some British male flight attendant who was a royal ass, once telling me that because I'm in Economy that the cream in my coffee would be milk, and then refusing to serve me an additional glass of water because I didn't want to reuse a cup with trash in it (with a used napkin and pretzel bag stuffed inside). I went dry.

Well, I was happy to get off the plane Thursday late afternoon, and made it to the baggage claim area. Of course it took an hour and a half to get through customs and to get our baggage. We made it to the bus depot to make it back to Janesville, where we were greeted by my brother and my three nieces! What a great sight to see, all of their smiling faces, and glad that we were home again safely.

The only thing now is the jet lag. I would have thought that after a week that my body would be back on track. But, I still get tired at strange times during the day (like noon) or at strange times at night (like 7pm). Or...on the other hand, I still am wide awake at 4 a.m. Again, I don't know which is better. I'm an early riser, but 4 a.m. is a little out of hand.

But what an awesome trip. My mom and I managed to bring home cool stuff for ourselves, friends and family, and for others. We got our silk comforters this past Sunday. I didn't get my guzheng like I wanted to while I was in China. BUT...I did order one online here in the States for about the same price, which should be arriving on Election Day. Here's what it looks like:

So anyhow, it's exciting.

It was great to hear feedback from some of you while we were abroad, and after we got home. I hope you enjoyed this travelogue. Keep checking back as pictures will be forthcoming. You'll get to see some of the things we experienced, as well as characters that were in this production.

Now, I think it's time for some coffee....I need caffeine to jar me out of the malaise of jet lag!

Chapter 21

This is the last morning in Asia. And I'm very ready to come home.

Yesterday afternoon, my mom and I had one more "cultural enrichment" experience in Hong Kong. We decided we were going to go to the Jade Market. Looking at where it was located relative to our hotel, we could very well have walked there, but after walking all over Hong Kong Island yesterday morning, we felt that taking a taxi there was a far more attractive option.

We were dropped off, and it was like landing in a whole different planet. There were very VERY few non asian people walking around the streets, and the Jade Market consisted of two covered pavillions where there were individual booths set up selling jade. While the souvenir hawkers in China were persistent, these Hong Kongers were relentless. In fact at one point, a woman had a jade (whether we know if it was true jade or not we don't know) bracelet on my mom faster than you could shake a stick at.

We then decided that we'd had enough, and started walking to find a cab to take us back to the hotel. Well, we had to walk several blocks through a less than desirable area of Hong Kong, where we saw all kinds of unusual food things like pressed duck, mystery meat, we walked briefly (like 15 seconds) through the Temple Night Market (before the smells caught up with us), and found the first cab. We showed the driver the card where we needed to be taken, which was printed in Chinese (Cantonese) and English. Even WITH the address and directions in multiple language, he still didn't have a clue, so we shooed him off.

We then got another cab, and the man knew where to go. We made it back to the hotel, and got ready for dinner. We ate dinner, came back to the room, and then started getting everything packed for our journey home. I guess we did have a lot of extra stuff with us, and we certainly needed the extra suitcase.

We had an early night, and this morning, we're up bright and early. We're getting things all ready to go, and are waiting for our driver to take us to the Hong Kong International Airport, and look forward to making it to Chicago at about 2:30 p.m.

It's been a great time here in Asia, but I am ready to be able to sleep in my own bed, not have to worry about packing, repacking, and living out of a suitcase, and looking forward to having my "noodle girl" Dixie curled up next to me on the sofa, or getting lots of wet kisses by my "big lur" Dillon when I get home.

And....I don't think I'll be eating any Asian food for a while. I think a nice big greasy hamburger and french fries sounds FANTASTIC right about now......

Anyhow....see y'all back in the States!

China Chapter 20

It's our free day in Hong Kong before coming back home. It was wonderful today. There was nothing requiring us to get up early this morning, there was nothing prodding us to be a million places in a matter of a few short hours, and there was no agenda. And could have been difficult as hell to figure out what we wanted to see and do, since there are so many things to do in Hong Kong.

Well, I first have to say, that last night before returning to the hotel, my mom and I went out for dinner. It was a bit of a challenge to determine what we wanted, since in Hong Kong, you can pretty much choose whatever you wish. So, we looked in my Hong Kong book that I brought along to see if there was anything interesting. I then looked at my China book to see what was listed. And then I looked at Frommer's online to see what they had for recommendations as well.

Well, we decided we were going to go with Chinese/Cantonese food one more time. After the mystery lunch we had in Guangzhou the day before, we figured we needed to give Cantonese style food one more shot. Well, it wasn't exactly Cantonese, but a Cantonese restaurant that had northern cuisine on the menu, called the Spring Deer Restaurant. Hey, the name was kind of cheesy, but after looking at all three of the sources I reviewed, it was mentioned as "highly recommended" in all three.

The bonus was that the restaurant was on the same street as our hotel, and was within walking distance (which most places in Kowloon are in walking distance). After passing the same Indian man pushing tailored clothing for the 8th time (and he offered and said the same thing to me EVERY SINGLE TIME-and my response being the waving hand waving him off), we got to where we needed to go. The restaurant was through this cheesy curio storefront, and up some stairs. We got upstairs and entered a HUGE dining hall, similar to all of the restaurants we had lunch in throughout China. There wasn't a lot of ambience, and it was probably the LOUDEST restaurant I have EVER been to in my life. Our server was no Guy Smiley, but found us a table (even though we didn't have reservations), and we were set between a banquet party of about 25, and then another squawking table of about 8. Shrieking across the immense round tables with lazy susans on them is the best word I can describe what it was like sitting there. And of course, to me, Cantonese sounds like gibberish.

Well, the food was fantastic! We had pork dumplings, a chicken and walnut dish, and then pork chop suey with fried egg on top. It was AWESOME! While my ears may have lost some permanent accuity, it was well worth the time. I guess those travel books are pretty accurate after all!

We were too late to see the light show, so we ventured back to the hotel, and ended up falling asleep.

We got up this morning at about 8 a.m. It was fantastic. We got to breakfast when we wished, and then decided we would go to Victoria Peak one more time, go back to the Stanley Market one more time, and then venture back. We figured that this time around, we could look a bit more closer at things, and look to see if we could find more things to bring home. We ended up getting loads of stuff, gifts for family and friends, and a suitcase for about $30. It'll be interesting to see how it holds up on our flight home tomorrow, but we figure we'll stuff all of our dirty clothing in there, and nothing breakable. That way in case our suitcase turns into a suitpancake, nothing will get too damaged.

With everything being so convenient and within walking distance from our hotel, we walked down to the pier, and took the Star Ferry across Victoria Harbor to Hong Kong Island. It's really cheap (about $2.2 HKD or about $.28 per person one way). We then walked all around the main streets to get to the Peak Tram, and all in all (with the ferry ride), it took us about an hour and 15 minutes to get to the top. We then looked around the peak, looked around the shopping center, and then had iced coffee (as it was about 82 degrees and humid at the top of Victoria Peak) before getting back on the funicular for a trip down the cliff. We then walked to the street corner, as mom got her map out and was looking at which direction we needed to start walking in to get to Stanley Market.

I suggested a cab....

At first, mom thought it was a quick jaunt of about 8 to 10 blocks away. Well, about 30 minutes in the cab, under a huge tunnel, over the mountains, and down a cliff. Yeah, if we would have walked the whole way, we would have missed our flight home tomorrow morning...

Anyhow, we went back to Stanley Market, bought some cool stuff and the suitcase, and then taxied it back to the Star Ferry pier, to go back across the harbor, and back to the Tsim Shai Tsui section of Kowloon where our hotel is located. We got back, dropped off our stuff, went to the lobby, had a couple of Stellas (Stella Artois beer for those that are not beer people), and then took a break to dry out, as I feel completely damp.

We're off to the jade market, then dinner, then the light show, and then back to the hotel for our flight back home on United.

Being gone for almost 3 weeks has gone very fast, which must be an indicator of the kind of time we've had. While we haven't seen our traveling compatriots since yesterday (and probably won't, thank goodness), we did manage to get an email from our friends we met on the Yangtze, Peter and Judy, who are currently in Beijing, and having all sorts of experiences as well!

Anyhow, I hope everyone back home has enjoyed the China report, and keep checking back. I hope to include a couple more chapters to wrap things up a bit, and to include photos. We look forward to getting back home, and I look forward to seeing family, my friends, and my puppies soon.

We'll keep you posted!

China Chapter 19

Well, we are now in Hong Kong. This is the last stop on our China adventure, and in all, it has been a wonderful trip despite the unplanned travel challenges. Hell, it gave a lot of fodder for this blog.

Anyhow, the Intercontinental Grand Stanford Hotel in Hong Kong is wonderful. The service is wonderful. The location is wonderful. And it's wonderful that the Empress and Dim Sum are nowhere near our room. We woke up early this morning, had breakfast, and then had to meet our tour guide Natalie in the lobby at 8:30 a.m. We got to the bus, and lo and behold, there were 8 other people on it that were going to be sharing the city tours. Now why couldn't this have happened all the way through our trip whenever possible? After all, at every stop through China, there was always another Pacific Delights Tour group there touring the same places and eating at the same restaurants. It would have made much more sense for us to be included with another group given the small numbers in ours.

Oh well.

Anyhow, we traveled by bus to Hong Kong Island, across Victoria Bay (as we are in Kowloon). We then took a funicular up the mountainside, and were able to take stunning pictures from Victoria Peak. Looking down at Hong Kong, it was absolutely breath-taking. It's also no wonder that Hong Kong has one of the highest population densities in the world, and there are certainly a bazillion skyscrapers all along the bay.

From there, we went along Repulse Bay (which, if I had a billion dollars, I would love to live on it), and then to Stanley Market. Stanley Market was cool, with small shops all along Stanley Bay. I was able to buy cool Christmas items for my staff at work, as well as a beautiful wedding gift for another friend of mine who's wedding reception is this coming Friday (the day after I get back to the U.S.). It was finally fun to do some retail therapy, and it looks like my mom and I will be doing more of it tomorrow.

Anyhow, after Stanley Market, we ventured our way to Aberdeen, where we took a sampan ride through the water village in the bay at Aberdeen. It was truly incredible, and it was a sunny day, with a nice breeze, and not too hot. it was wonderful. After the sampan ride, we were then taken back to our hotel.

I know that many of you readers out there would probably think that there was a long, ceremonious "good bye" between the Empress and To Wong Fu and my mom and I. However, I think all we said was, it was fun, we had a great time, and then were whisked off the bus first (as of course they had a ton of shit they bought at the Stanley Market, including more luggage).

And then it hit me: we were free.

So we went out shopping. The Empress was saying how it was a must to go to Nathan Road shopping in Hong Kong. So mom and I decided to check it out during the day.

Well, Nathan Road is again completely forgettable, except for the fact that there were a lot of Pakistani and Indian men hawking massages and free nights (or days) stays at a hotel (probably of the "no tell" motel variety). It was kind of icky. I think it was the Suzy Wong District of Hong Kong. The Empress MUST have a different retail taste than mine.

Anyhow, we then decided we were done shopping, so we went to go find a pub to have a couple of pints of ale. Well, after all, Hong Kong WAS a British Colony at one point, so why the hell not?

We chose the Bulldog Bar. It looked British, it had the Union Jack, a great view of Victoria Harbor, and all of about 7 patrons. Well, it was 3:30 p.m. And, after getting our 2 pints of beer 20 minutes later (I was thinking that they were freshly brewing it for us as well), we got up and left. The only thing quick about that establishment was how fast they made change. And that's not saying much.

We made it back to the hotel, and will be going out for probably a Cantonese dinner (hopefully very edible, and without chicken feet) and then to see the light show over Victoria Harbor. We are planning our itinerary for tomorrow, and then on Thursday, it's back to the States.

Hong Kong is a great place, and one I would love to visit with a group of friends that want to party and have a great time. While not cheap by any means, it still has it's unique British colony charm that reminds me of Gibraltar, only on a much grander scale.

More to come from Hong Kong!!!

China Chapter 18

It was another early morning this morning. We had to leave Guilin at 5:30 a.m. to be to the airport to catch our China Southern Airlines flight to Guangzhou. It again was no surprise that nothing will ever run smoothly or in an uncomplicated fashion so long as we're traveling with the dynamic duo. The other two on our journey have accumulated so many additional things, not to mention that their bags are overweight by several pounds, that there was a big commotion at the ticket counter about all their stuff. Luckily, they had James there to once again (undeservedly) not to have to pay more than they did.

James, my friends, was probably one of the best guides I have ever had on a tour.

Anyhow, we got through security, and waited for our flight. There was a big travel tour from China on our flight, and I think most of them were first time fliers. They were up and about the cabin when they shouldn't have been. They were climbing over the seats during take off. They were ooh-ing and ah-ing at the TV screens that came down from the ceiling to go over the safety requirements. And they all tended to yelp in unison whenever the plane would dip in the air.

It was cute, but my affinity for their "cuteness" soon dissipated when I realized that about 4 of them were seated in the emergency exit rows of the plane. Like the catch phrase in our 2008 election, I feel that experience matters. I got the "not-so-fresh" feeling.

Luckily, on the other hand, there was no baby pooping incident this time, thank goodness.

We arrived in Guangzhou at about 9:30 a.m., and were met by our guide, Robert. Robert's English was not very good. Quite honestly, his enthusiasm for the tour mirrored how we felt: this part of the tour was more filler than substance. Guangzhou, from our brief hours of time there, unfortunately was a completely forgettable city, even though it's the hub of Canton (the anglicized version). I'm sure that there was more to it, but all we were able to see was a folk art museum that was completely forgettable (as most of the art in it was from about 1982 to the present).

We were then whisked away to the Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall, where we looked around the grounds. We went inside a huge theater hall, and proceeded to drop about 40 pounds of water weight, as it was about 88 degrees inside and about 2000% humidity. Going outside in the 92 degree weather with 92% humidity seemed like a cool breeze in comparison.

We were then taken to lunch. And I use the word lunch very, VERY loosely.

The restaurant we were taken to was in a slummy part of Guangzhou. There were lots of people out in the courtyard hosing themselves down (yes, like showering while clothed), doing laundry, and lounging around in grimy undergarments. It was less than appetizing. Then, we went into the restaurant....

Most restaurants I have frequented tend to have incredible smells of oregano, thyme, fried food, sesame oil. Yes, pleasant smells wafting from the door once you enter. The interesting twist or gimmick this restaurant used to lure patrons wishing to nosh was the stench of raw sewage, the kind that smells like a filthy men's urinal.

Perhaps they were going for an organic smell. Sometimes smells from other organs of the body aren't appetizing, and I think they aren't aware of that.

Because we didn't want to have fish (and god KNOWS where they would have gotten it in this restaurant) and were gun shy about duck, we requested chicken, pork, and beef. Well, let's just say that I was dead wrong earlier about thinking the food on our United flight to China was bad. In retrospect, I need to get a hold of that flight attendant to get a hold of that noodle recipe she offered to us. That would have been a welcomed meal.

We were blessed with a chicken curry dish with cold potatoes. The chicken: ALL chicken feet.
Yes, all chicken feet. The toe bones, the talons, the (I better stop as I'm starting to gag thinking about it)... It was disturbing.

Dish #2: undercooked beef in snotty brown sauce.
Dish #3: mystery fried meat surprise with pineapple.
Dish #4: grey fried rice. (the rice was supposed to be white rice)

It was the WORST food ever to grace a table of mine in my entire LIFE!!!

We then got dropped off at the nicest coffee shop in Guangzhou, according to Robert. Ironically, it was Starbucks.

We had about and hour and a half to kill before needing to be to the train station, so we walked up and down the streets of Guangzhou to kill some time, and to sweat off the lattes we purchased. After being accosted by several disturbing beggars (and in China, the beggars usually are very deformed, have severe burns, are missing limbs, or have genetic defects) on our way up the street, we retreated back to Starbucks where we waited for our guide to take us to the train station.

And this time, it wasn't the Empress or Dim Sum that were late. It was our guide Robert. Robert's rule is not to be on time like all other Chinese people.

We got to the train station, made it through customs (as Hong Kong is a Special Administrative Region administered by China) even though that, too, was a production. Robert really didn't give us very good instructions, and once we got on the train, I was thankful to be leaving Guangzhou. I was more worried about our luggage being broken into after hearing horror stories from some Australian passengers from our Yangtze River cruise trip. We were not given very good instruction about picking up our luggage.

Anyhow, we took the Kowloon express train to Hong Kong, which was very nice, quiet, and fast. We had to sit across from the Empress and To Wong Foo, but all day today, they were actually VERY decent. After getting off the train, not knowing where the hell we needed to go to get our checked baggage, and then getting through customs, we were met by our last guide, Natalie.

Nervous Natalie.

Natalie is a bundle of frenetic energy, that really makes me nervous. She talks about 300 miles per hour, and walks at a pace faster than a cheetah. The Empress was having difficulty in keeping up, as she had to push a large trolley of all of their purchases across several lanes of traffic to get to our tour bus. It was amusing and pitiful at the same time. I should have been a good samaritan and helped. But assisting should be offered and not expected. And the Empress expects....everything.

Our hotel, the Intercontinental Grand Stanford Hotel, was only about 5 minutes away, and is THE nicest hotel of all of them. Hong Kong is very beautiful, and reminds me a LOT of New York, only more compact. Mom and I refreshed ourselves before venturing off in the 88 degree humid weather, and we ended up walking up and down Mody Road before deciding we wanted real food to eat.

I was ready to eat my left arm (the valuable one-since I'm left handed). Going against all principles about not eating at American food chain-type restaurants when traveling abroad, we ate at an Outback Steakhouse. We were tired. We were hungry. And I preferred to keep my left arm.

And it was delicious. The Foster's beers were a) on a double bubble special, and b) were served in frosted mugs that still had ice dripping from them. And the food was delicious.

We walked back to the hotel at about 8 p.m., and mom immediately went to bed. We have a half day of activities tomorrow, and then a whole lotta shopping to do.

More to come from Hong Kong!

China Chapter 17

Today we had another long day, and had only one activity planned. It was a Li River cruise. We got up early, had breakfast, and needed to meet our guide at 8:40 a.m. James picked us up, and of course, as always, the Dragon Lady and Dim Sum were late. I'm sure all you readers out there are surprised by this as much as we were.

We headed outside of Guilin, to where we needed to catch the boat. Sitting behind the Dynamic Duo is getting a little old, as they stink. They smell of stale booze and stale cigarette smoke, and it really is not something that is a pleasant thing to smell first thing in the morning.

We got on board, and cruised around the Li river about 2 hours before lunchtime. We had amazing views of the limestone karsts, shards of mountains sticking up from the ground all over the place. We saw ducks, men and boys fishing and swimming in the river, cormorants waiting to fish this evening, water oxen, mountain goats, banyan, fir and camphor trees, and oleander. It is certainly the most resplendent green I have ever seen in my life. The river is clear, you can see down to the bottom.

We had a passable lunch, as James warned us that the lunch isn't so spectacular on this cruise. We were then blessed with the Empress and To Wong Foo pulling out their dental floss, and flossing each and every one of their teeth at the table.

I was about ready to pull my smelly Crocs off, throw my calloused feet on the table, and start trimming my toenails. I thought it might be a bit much to drive my point...

Well, as mom and I had no desire to stay during the Empress' public tooth flossing ceremony, we went upstairs, met some nice ladies from the Garden Club of America, and distracted ourselves from our accidental tourist companions. Even though James told us NOT to buy any souvenirs from the boat, of course, the Empress and TWF did. They bought a HUGE printed fan (that looked like brown paper grocery bags strung between pieces of balsa, with really BAD art printed on it) which, like my dad's sister-in-law would do, the Empress made James our tour guide carry. TWF bought a very fetching bamboo hat, one in which I'd have a lighter fetched for me to light aflame.

I was kicking myself at the end of the day for not taking a picture of the Empress laying down (or passed out from the wine she poured in her Sprite bottle to drink on the boat) in the middle of the dining room, in front of about 75 other passengers. Now THAT, my readers, is class....

We got off the boat in Yangzhou, strolled through the center of the city, and then met our driver. We headed back to Guilin, where mom and I opted NOT to have the provided dinner this evening (we need different dinner companions), and plan to walk around the square instead. Our trip tomorrow plans to be interesting again, and I am hoping that my patience will last just a few more days longer, without instigating a mutiny against the Empress.

Wish me luck!

China Chapter 16

Well, it's evening in Guilin on our first night here. This is probably going to be a very bold statement from me, but, so far, in all of my travels, I will say that Guilin, People's Republic of China, IS my favorite place in the world. Florence, Italy will have to move to my number 2 slot.

This city is beautiful. It's sub-tropical. It's green. It's laid back. It's got spectacular scenery. The people are nice. It's clean. It's tidy. It's really something else!

As I said earlier, mom and I relaxed a bit before venturing out this evening. The guide, James, picked us up at the hotel at about 6:45 p.m. to take us to a boat launch on the 4 man-made lakes in Guilin. It was night time. Guilin is all lit up in the evening. It's got ground lights along the river banks in greens and amber, and it is extremely pretty. The sidewalks are VERY tidy, and the walk was about 8 minutes from our hotel. The Sheraton is really nice here. From James, it is the nicest hotel in Guilin.

Anyhow, James took us on a boat ride, where we saw many different bridges reminiscent of the famous bridges of the world. They are spectacularly lit up in the evening, and the weather was about 80 degrees. We also managed to see men fishing with cormorants (it was really interesting, and funny, as some of the cormorants have a mind of their own when it comes to "working").

It was really beautiful, we got to learn more from James about his city, and we were both surprised that instead of going home, he took us to the boat, went on the tour with us, made sure we got back to the hotel o.k., etc. I am extremely impressed with most of the guides we have had on our tour, especially with a lot of the nonsense that some of them have had to put up with from the others on our tour. I also find that if you show genuine interest in learning from them learning about the culture, trying new things, being open minded, and really go with the flow, these guides will surpass any expectations you will have, AND manage to go up and beyond for you. We've certainly noticed that with Annie and the Beijing Olympics store, Mrs. Xu and the Tea Ceremony, calligraphy studio visit, and food tutorial, Susan in just handling things for us, and now James, and his awesome tour this evening and interesting discussion about rural China we had today.

Honestly, I never want to be tourists like the other twosome on our journey: inconsiderate of other people's time, inconsiderate of other people's money (after all, we did pay for the itinerary we chose), rude to the tour guides, looking down on how other cultures do things that are different from those we do in the U.S., complaining about the food, complaining about the weather, complaining about the tour, blatantly disregarding others' personal space or rules, and my list could go on and on. What I do know is this: this trip has been an incredible experience, and one in which I have a better understanding of how China is. And really, it's not the scary place that, unfortunately, our media in the U.S. plays it to be. It's actually quite nice, and in fact, is fantastic. I just hope that the Chinese people that we've met on our trip don't look unfavorably upon my mom and I by being involuntarily associated with the "dynamic" duo we've been paired with on this trip, who have been nothing but prime examples of ugly Americans that the world perceives us to be.

Anyhow.....I'm off my soapbox, and I'm off to bed as it's about 10 p.m. here as I finish this. We've had a long day today, and we have another long day tomorrow.

Guilin IS the best!!

China Chapter 15

Well, last night we went to the Tang Dynasty show in the evening. We got to this huge theater, and sat at our dinner table. It was very nice. There was a Brazilian couple sitting behind us, and had their own table for two. Unbeknownst to them, two unruly Chinese men (with their own snacks) decided to sit at their table with them. An argument ensued, and while the Chinese men didn't move, they moved the Brazilian couple right in the middle of the aisle so they'd have their own table.

Well, the dinner was fantastic, although the Orange Surprise Soup for dessert truly was a surprise. It was surprisingly bad. With snotty-like gelatin stuff floating in it, I took about 2 bites and said "no mas," and when these biscuit thingies came by, I thought they'd be good too....and I ended up spitting them out.

On the other hand, the show itself was fantastic. Tang dynasty costumes are very beautiful, plus the traditional Chinese instrumental music was something else. There then was a guy that was like Zamfir, only cooler, and when he played the pan flute, it was really utterly amazing! The show lasted about an hour and a half, and then we headed back to the hotel. Mr. Lee, our driver, was there to pick us up, as Susan had to leave for home. We got outside, and it was POURING rain out. Luckily, it was late at night, and really was the only time that it has rained on our trip.

Susan informed us that we had to get up early in the morning, and that the van had to leave at 5:30 a.m. By the time we got back to the hotel, it was about 11 p.m. Mom and I got everything packed, and I think we immediately fell asleep.

We were up this morning early. REALLY early. Like 4 a.m.

Well, part of the reason for the early departure was that the airport is about 1 hour from the city, and in October, things can be really foggy. Once again we waited for the dynamic duo to be on time, to no avail. They certainly complain a lot. I was really expecting the Empress to insist that we have a later flight, or insist that we leave later so as not to have to wait so long at the airport for the flight to leave. But this time, she said nothing.

We got to the airport, checked in, got our tickets on China Eastern Airlines to Guilin, and got to the gate. Of course, it was an ordeal, AGAIN, for them (as they again had lighters, water, etc., etc., etc.). You'd think people would learn or just TRY to make things simpler. Unfortunately with the two high maintenance people we're with, that's never going to happen.

Well, we got on the plane, and I had the fortune of sitting next to two Chinese women carrying a baby girl with them. The baby was adorable, but fussed for a good share of the trip. I would try to make the baby smile, or interact, and I think my strange caucasian face really scared the hell out of the kid. Then again, when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, I have the same reaction as the kid.

Anyhow, at the beginning of the trip, the baby must have had a blowout in her diaper, as it was totally obvious from the fragrant smell that traipsed its way through the cabin. The mother got up, took the kid back to change the diaper, and came back. When she got back, the breakfast service had ended, and I noticed that like many Chinese infants and toddlers (like I have mentioned before), this little girl had the crotchless pants, only this time, WITHOUT a diaper.

To say that this made me somewhat unsettled is an understatement. I worried the whole way to Guilin that something bad was going to happen. I kept waiting and waiting. Mom noticed that this little girl had the crotchless clothing, and remarked about how cute it was. No sooner did she say that and turn her head, I looked at the kid, and suddenly, we apparently got on the flight to Puping. Like Linda Blair from the Exorcist (only from the back end) that little girl took the HUGEST, WETTEST dump I have ever seen. It was a horizontal geyser of smelly brownish green poo, landing on the mother's sweatshirt, her pants, and all over the baby's jacket. The smell was hellish.

To make light of the situation, I kept thinking about what my friend Steve would have thought and done if he were in my shoes this morning. And, it really made me laugh. And it made me laugh hard.

We got to Guilin, and were picked up by James, our guide. James is quite funny, about 38-43 years old, and his English is fantastic. And, I would say, I like him almost as much as Mrs. Xu. He really won me over today when he and the driver of the van scolded the Empress and Won Hung Low for having too many pieces of luggage.

Did I mention to you before that they keep accumulating stuff? I think they're at about 8 pieces of carry on luggage. Furthermore, I respect James for helping mom with her ONE suitcase, and enjoyed watching the other twosome struggle with their two trollies of luggage. It looks like they're moving in somewhere...

Because it was early in the morning, we saw the Reed Flute Cave, and the Fu Bo Hill. It was pretty amazing. Guilin is very different from any of the other cities we've visited so far. It's much more agrarian, it's smaller (700,000 residents), the pace is laid-back, and the weather warm and humid. It's very beautiful here, with lots of limestone peaks randomly dotting the landscape. After having a wonderful lunch of sweet sour pork, beef and mushrooms, kung pao chicken, spicy sour soup, egg omelet, snow peas, and oranges, we then went to the Fu Bo Hill. We had a great talk with the guide, saw bamboo rafts fishing on one of the Li River tributaries, as well as young boys diving for river snails, and ladies doing laundry on the riverbank. It's pretty amazing. It doesn't look dirt poor or dirty like it did in Chongqing, but rather peaceful, and more like what I would imagine Southeast Asia to be.

We got to the hotel, and were just relaxing before we head out for a boat ride around the city of Guilin. I would say that so far, I like Guilin the best, as it's got lots of fresh air, little pollution, the river is clean, and the scenery is beautiful.

I'm excited about the river cruise tonight, as mom and I have a tradition of going on at least one city river tour during our vacations. This time it will be Guilin.

We have one more day tomorrow in Guilin, and then we're off to Guangzhou for a tour, and then a train ride to Hong Kong.

I can't believe that we're getting in the home stretch of the vacation, but I'm certainly loving everything I've learned and seen so far, and China, easily, is becoming my favorite place I have ever visited in my lifetime.

China Chapter 14

This morning, we were allowed to sleep in a bit. Our day didn't have to start until 9 a.m. So, taking advantage of using all of the rooms in the suite, I was able to watch a chinese opera on the sofa in the living room, and then was able to have coffee at the table.

We went down for breakfast, and then met our guide, Susan, for the day long activities. Susan is such a bright, cheery, funny, energetic, and sweet bundle of energy. She's certainly been wonderful. We first went out to the countryside to see the terra cotta warriors from the Qin Dynasty. They were really something else. We first saw a 360-degree movie which was a little dizzying, and then proceeded to pit number one. Incredible, awesome, unbelieveable, and immense don't even nearly describe what we saw. Thousands of terra cotta warriors, all different from each other, lined up in a pit the size of about 4 football fields. It was unbelieveable!

We then went to pit number 3, and then pit number 2 to see different points of excavation of this project, that really, hasn't even been begun to be tapped. It's truly amazing.

After seeing this incredible sight, we then went to lunch, watched how noodles were made, and beat the rush of other tourists at lunchtime. We had some wonderful things, like pork with green pepper, noodles and ginger pork, pork dumplings, pork noodle soup....and well, pork. And in actuality, the Empress and Won Hung Low (mom's nickname for To Wong Foo) were actually tolerable today. That is, until they found out about the time we have to catch the plane to Guilin tomorrow morning...

We took a chariot/horse-drawn carriage to the main gate of the museum, after the Empress had to walk over to where there were furs hanging from a shop entry. Ironically, the Empress is a dog lover and carries on about the plight of some of the animals that we've seen along the roads and streets of China, yet has no qualms about wrapping a silver fox carcass around her neck (even IF it has a red dye mark on it). Well, interestingly, Susan, our Xi'an native Chinese tour guide, specifically (if not emphatically) said that those furs were fake. 100% fake.

The Empress, of course, had to walk over there, check them out, and proclaimed them to be 100% genuine. The divine and most wise edict was handed down.

Anyhow, after this, we went to the city, and visited a jade factory (which the Empress emphatically said she didn't want to visit because it was too over-priced). Well, mom and I took a tour, got a jade spotting lesson, shopped at a leisurely pace, managed to purchase a minor object (all in about a 30 minute timeframe), and sauntered out to the van, where the Empress and her porter were sitting in our van waiting. Of course they asked what we bought, and well..we lied and said we bought about 3 or 4 things and were having them shipped home....

I love lying, especially when my mom instigates it...

Anyhow, we went to the Wild Goose Pagoda, and then (of course) we went to the Xi'an Historical Museum minus our royal pair (since they don't DO museums), and got an incredible tutorial about Qin, Han, Tang, and Ming Dynasty art, sculpture, and bronze by our amazing tour guide. It was truly a worthwhile experience!

We then travelled back to the hotel, where we are as I write this, and we're off to see a Tang Dynasty show and dinner. I'll keep you all posted as to how THAT goes! (I'm sure the Empress has already seen it....and I'll be sure to savor EVERY moment for as long as I like...).

More soon.....

China Chapter 13

Let's talk about yesterday.

Well, as you know, we landed out boat off the Yangtze in the City of Chongqing. I was a little worried about how we were going to meet our guide, get our luggage to where it needed to be, get to the airport on time, etc. All this was going through my head at about 3 a.m., which made for a very poor sleep.

Anyhow, mom and I got ready for the day, and got everything packed. We had our breakfast, placed the luggage outside the room so the porters could bring them down. And waited for our local guide. Nancy (so far, we have met a Judy, a Barbara, a Nancy.....I can't wait for a Martha....and to TOP it all off... a Doug...WHOOPPPEEEE!) was there to pick us up. All we were waiting on was To Wong Fu and the Empress.

And we waited.............and we waited............and we waited.......We were the second to the last passengers still on the boat. FINALLY, the dynamic duo showed up. It was about 80 degrees, humid, and hazy, and the Empress had her full length wool winter coat on, her cardigan sweater, and gloves. Ugh..........make it stop......

And, they have acquired more things....I think by the time we get to Hong Kong, we'll need a second van for all of their merchandise. THAT would be an entourage...

Anyhow, we toured through the city of Chongqing. It's the mountain city, and literally clings to the mountainside, up the banks of the Yangtze. The roads are really winding, and there is a lot of pollution, both in the smog of the air, and in the streets. We toured the Stillwell Museum, and the Flying Tigers Museum, which were both a yawn, unless you're really into military history.

We then toured an awesome garden, called Eling Gardens, which is like a park where people get together, play cards, drink tea, they have kiddie carnival rides, etc. It's really nice. I took mom's picture with some Chongqing natives playing mah jong, and then ventured our way through the park.

After going through the park, and getting back into the van, we ventured down to the old town of Chongqing. There was a COMPLETE difference in lifestyle. Nancy, our tour guide, took us through where the poor live. I only took one picture, and that was looking up the street of old town. And really, I didn't think it was appropriate to wander through, snapping photos of the less fortunate, etc. But, the streets were winding, with lots of little stalls for food, herbal medicines, etc. After about a 40 minute walk of this, I was glad that we were back in the van, and thankful for what we have at home.

We went to lunch. Nancy asked us what we would like to eat, and whether or not we would like to try some spicy food (after all, we were in the Sichuan area of China). The Empress and TWF of course said "no" (they don't like spicy food either), mom and I said "yes" since we like to try all different kinds of things.

Well, we got to lunch, and had Kung Pao chicken (which a HUGE kick to it!), this unappetizing beef dish (the meat looked unnaturally pink with a clear mucus like coating on it.....I'm still gagging as I thinkg about this), chinese cabbage, and this awesome potato dish that had hot peppers in it.

Looks like we got spicy food. I don't know why it really matters what we have at this point, since the Empress doesn't eat anything anyway, and she usually eats rice. Of course, there's a HUGE production about how she needs to have soy sauce, and that she needs to have ice in her drink, and how the drink glass is too small, and how she needs to have a fork...

Anyhow, after lunch, we went to a preserved area of Chongqing, where we saw architecture from the Ming and Qing dynasties, lots of artwork, and a lot of young women in their bridal gear, getting their pictures taken before their weddings. It was really a beautiful place.

We then headed to the airport, as we needed to catch our 5 p.m. flight to Xi'an on Hainan Airlines. We got to the airport a couple of hours early. All the time we were in Chongqing, we had nothing but our carry on luggage in the van (which took up the the whole back of the van with all the crap the other two are accumulating....I'm thinking "editing" is a great word for them). I had no idea if we were going to see our bags again, as I was really leery about letting people take care of them without me holding on to them.

We got through security, both mom and I got through it without a hitch.......and yet again, the Empress, and TWF got stopped for their lighters, their bottled water, etc. JEEBUS CHRISTMAS...you'd think they'd know by now..... Mom and I didn't wait for them this time, because we knew it was going to be another unnecessary production. We just went to the gate, got a Pepsi, and mom surprised me with some TCBY.

We got onto the plane, and it was a 737-800 with the 3 and 3 seating. Mom sat on one aisle seat, me in the other across the aisle, and the gruesome twosome sitting next to me in the middle and the window. Well, of course that wasn't acceptable for the 45 minute flight, as TWF needed more room. I wasn't about to move, and at least he was smart enough not to ask me to switch seats.

Anyhow, they HAD to get different seating, had to have more room, and of course made the flight attendant let them switch seats. Mom and I got a whole row to ourselves, and all was right. After we took off (and mind you, the weather was about 82 degrees), they turned on the heat in the airplane. After sweating for 25 minutes, we finally told the flight attendant (whose English was very limited) that it was hot. Then the air conditioning came on again.

We then got to Xi'an, landed, and then went down to get our luggage. TWF had a HUGE trolley full of bags, and mom and I just had our same two that we started the trip with. We met Susan, who is very young, and very smiley, and very cute, and weighs probably all of 85 pounds. And of course the Empress wanted to make her push their mammoth luggage trolley to the van, this time it was about a quarter of a mile away. Susan helped mom with one of hers instead. Smart girl.

We got to the van, and headed into Xi'an. Of course we needed to stop at a liquor store, so that the Empress and TWF could get some wine and booze. And after monkey-farting around for 15 minutes, we were at our hotel in less than 2 minutes.

We checked in (which was another ordeal since the other twosome needed a smoking room, and needed two beds, and needed......ugh....I got tired listening...). I just made sure we had non-smoking with 2 beds.

Well, we got up to the room, and there was only one queen-sized bed. We walked out, to an attendant on the floor, and said we had requested a room with two beds. She quickly got things changed for us. As there is a huge convention here for the American Diabetes Association (of all places in Xi'an), there were no regular rooms available. As a result, they would have to upgrade our room to a suite.

We didn't mind.

We had dinner, a beer, watched some TV, and then fell asleep. It's now Friday morning, and we're off to see the terra cotta warriors, and the Xi'an museum. It should interesting today!

Chapter 12- From October 15, 2008

Today was the last day we’ve spent on the cruise on the mighty Yangtze River. And today, was probably one of the most relaxing, one of the most enjoyable, and one of the sadder days of the trip.

We only had one stop today, which was a shore trip to Fengdu. We visited Mt. Mingshan, the Ghost City, and went up to a Taoist temple, founded by Lao Tze. In getting off the boat, we climbed up what seemed to be a mountainside of steps. It looked very similar to the steps and the wall that the man in “Up the Yangtze” had to climb. We found out later in the day that it was the same area. There were lots of them , and we ended up getting to the top, where we were molested by a swarm of street peddlers selling cheep-cheep-you-buy-hello-hey-lady-ten-yuan things. Beating them off with a stick, we progressed up the hill. We had the opportunity to walk up the staired section, which was about 299 steps, or we could have taken the chair lift. Mom and I opted for the chair lift. It was beautiful, and after nearly throwing up from the heights, we arrived at the top safely.

It was a very foggy day, very humid, and we were unable to see the city of Fengdu across the river. We smell the scent of coal burners everywhere. But, it was really cool, learned about this particular monument on the river, and after about 3 hours, trekked our way down to the bottom again.

We ventured back to the boat, where it was time for a bloody mary, time to write in the journal, and time to just wait for the next activity, which was eating. We had lunch, and then afterwards, had a great conversation with Peter and Judy Dunner from the DC area. They have truly been a blessing on our trip. After spending the first week with To Wong Fu and the Empress, we needed to interact with interesting, cool, and depthful people. We found all of this and more with Peter and Judy, as well as their friends Barbara and John. I don’t know what we would have done had they not been on the trip. It’s almost sad that we have to part ways, as they are certainly WAY more fun than the lunkers we’ve been matched with.

After getting back to the ship, we then had an opportunity again to play mah jong, this time it was with mom, Judy, Barbara, and some other woman who was kind of scoldy. And, to top it all off, we used this electric, super-sophisticated mah jong table that set up everything for you. It was like plug and play only better.

Of course, during the whole time we have been on the trip, we have never seen the Empress and TWF except for the few times at lunch and dinner, or on the morning excursions when TWF always asks me to have the guide wait for them so that they can run upstairs, have a cigarette, and probably slam a glass of booze in the process. I keep thinking to myself, “yeah, I’ll get right on that” and the moment they leave I’m wishing the tour guides will head out. All I know is that they spend most of their time in their 9x9 cabin, the balcony, smoking cartons of cigarettes, and drinking booze from sun up to sun down. That’s what I call a fun cruise…

Anyhow, we had another decent dinner tonight, and then we got to see some traditional chinese music, with a hammer dulcimer thing, the chinese flutes, the erhu, some percussion, and some liu chen. It was cool, though a little disappointing in that we were unable to see the guzheng played. Ah well…

Afterward, there was another activity. Let’s just say that mom doesn’t have to worry about fodder for her christmas cards this year.

We need to get up early tomorrow, set out for Chongqing (the largest metropolitan area in
China) and then we’re off to Xian for 2 days.

It will truly be interesting this next week to see how things go, and I’m looking forward to the new adventures and stories this trip will bring, though we certainly are going to miss the new friends we met while on the Yangtze.

Chapter 11- From October 14, 2008

Well, today was an early day, we entered the Wu Gorge, and took tons of pictures on the Yangtze River. Breakfast was early, and then we got off the ship at Wushan, and took a smaller watercraft to visit some lesser gorges. Of course, the boat left at 8:30 a.m. and the Empress and To Wong Foo needed to have a cigarette before we left. TWF came up to me and said to tell the guide that they were coming that they were going to be a little late. I smiled, and hoped they would miss it.

The boat ride to the lesser gorges was interesting. There were three of the lesser gorges, the Dragon’s Gate Gorge, the Misty Gorge, and the Emerald Gorge. All three were on a tributary of the Yangtze River, called the Daling River. The river was a jade green, and against the rocks, it was spectacular, and it didn’t have as much pollution.

That’s the one thing that’s very disturbing about the river: the pollution. It’s not like ordinary pollution, but rather like shoes, clothing, a dead pig (or dog…I’m hoping it was the pig), etc. Anyhow, we then hopped on an even smaller sampan, and went up some of the even smaller gorges. This truly was where mom needed her Esther Williams’ swim cap, her nose plug, and her water wings. We all had to wear life vests, and mom about wet herself when she saw me put it on, because I think it was a child’s size life vest. I was laughing because the Empress was trying it on like a hoodie (I think she was shitfaced this morning) and got it stuck on her head.
To Wong Foo wanted me to grab a life vest for him, and I told him that there were lots to choose from and he should just help himself. I ain’t no damn servant…

We then got back to the ship at about noon, and had lunch. We then were able to learn about kite making and flying, mom got to learn a little about watercolor, calligraphy, and embroidery. We then headed through the third of the three gorges on the Yangtze, which was the Qutong Gorge. After seeing two sets, it looks like the same to me. I think I have about 75 pictures of gorges. But it was great.

We then learned how to play mahjong (chinese style) which was a lot of fun, and a lot like gin rummy. I kicked so much ass, it was stupid!

We then were able to take advantage of the drink special, which was the Singapore Sling. I really liked them. They contained lots of booze. One of which was gin. And I like gin.
We had a great dinner, and then saw a cabaret show afterward. It was cool. Thank god no one snuck my name in to have to play something, or that I got called onto the floor for some of the audience participation numbers. I truly have a phobia about that, almost as much as I like having my picture being taken, or me being on television. They’re taking a video while on this cruise, and wow…where’s Jenny Craig when you need her. That’s the first thing I’m doing when I get back home: going on Jenny Craig.

We have a full day tomorrow again, where we visit the ghost city of Fengdu, and have some other activities, before spending our last night on the ship before heading to Xian. It’s been fantastic weather so far, about 82 today and again sunny. It was fantastic.

Chapter 10- From October 13, 2008

I think it’s Monday today. I’m not really sure. When you’re on vacation, everything kind of all blends together after a while. It’s hard to keep all of the monuments and attractions, food, people, and events all straightened out.

We made it to the boat as I mentioned before, after a harrowing and nerve wracking drive. It was interesting boarding the ship. Every time a busload of passengers arrived and debarked from the buses, there was a marching band that was there to greet everyone with songs like Old Susannah, or Yankee Doodle. I tend to like to march to either “Marching to Pretoria,” or a tried and trusty Sousa march. We made it to our cabin. The cabin is very clean and tidy, and is about the size of my bedroom I used to have when I lived at home, as it was about 10 x 10. It’s certainly not for the claustrophobic. Of course the first thing the Empress had to check on was to have a larger room. After all, she has a lot of shit with her, which seems to be accumulating every day. She said to the head desk that she wanted to be upgraded to a suite, because otherwise with all of their luggage, they wouldn’t have enough space.

At this point, I can care less.

We left them to make someone else’s life more complicated than it needed to be, and let them (or others) fend for themselves. But, eventually after the big production in the lobby, the drama with the front desk, and the reality of the additional amount ($800 USD) that they would have to pay for a suite, they now have a cabin next to ours. We feel so fortunate.

Mom and I then went to the welcoming orientation, where we met the cruise director Campbell Her. As we got listening to him more and more, and remembering the documentary we saw at the Sundance Movie Theater in Madison, I told my mom that I think he was the one that was featured in the documentary, “Up the Yangtze,” before we came to China. Of course we didn’t really ask right away, we eventually had a moment to ask him about it, and he said that he was, and was really surprised that we remembered that. He is VERY nice, and amazingly he knows mom’s and my name now!

We woke up this morning, and went to breakfast. Dr. Hu (yes, I giggle too about the PBS series reference), has tai chi in the morning, but, it’s like at the butt crack of dawn, and last night was the first night where I actually had a great night’s sleep. Anyhow, we got some shots of the Xiling Gorge along the Yangtze River, and the fogginess made for some pretty cool photos. The mountains and the cliffs are truly breath-taking, and as we sailed along, we saw a hotel perched on top of a cliff, a shipyard, a man netting for fish, and then lo-and-behold, we arrived at the Three Gorges Dam Project. It is absolutely HUGE!!! We then got off the boat in Sandouping, and took a tour around the locks and the dam.

Much like the “boss of the rope” in Morocco, To Wong Fu and the Empress totally went off in a completely separate direction from everyone else. Hell, at least they’re consistent.

Anyhow, we toured the dam, and in the process met a really nice older couple, Ian and Ruth from Brisbane, Australia. We also met Denise from Chicago, and like the tour we had in Morocco, there is a contingent of wild Australians.

Let me just say at this point, I love Australians! They’re fun, unpretentious, and honest, and certainly are a breath of fresh air (as opposed to an inebriated one).

After touring the dam project, we headed back to the boat. We started off on the ship toward the locks, and went upstairs to learn about the Yangtze River. Mom and I readily took advantage of the bloody mary drink special, and then went to lunch.

Again, the food was good. The great thing was that we get to share it with other people besides you know who. Judy, Peter, Barbara, and John are friends and all live in Washington, D.C. Peter’s very nice, and I enjoy having intelligent conversations with him as I appreciate his intellect. It is very refreshing. I am trying very hard not to bring up political discussions, as I find that I need to filter my responses so as not to get argumentative. Judy’s very nice and I love how funny she is. And Barbara and John are very down to earth, and are a joy to be around. We're truly blessed to have them on this boat tour, since it's nice to talk to people that don't put down other cultures, or talk negatively about things, but rather are there to learn, appreciate, and live for the moment.

Interesting to note is that for all three meal times, the Empress and TWF are never on time, or never show up. Judy is beginning to wonder if mom and I are high, since she didn’t believe that they existed. My response, “trust me, they exist.” Judy then said, “well I’m going to just have to stay here until they show up to get a good look at them.”

And a look she did.

As we walked out of the dining room (with the Empress and TWF still eating), Judy asked “so what are they? Are they friends, mother/son?” Mom mentioned the fact that they met on a cruise in the Mediterranean, and that the Empress was travelling alone. Tim was with two of his friends from Liverpool, and they just now like to travel together. Mom thinks there’s some hanky panky going on there, but I think TWF is as gay as a maypole.

Anyhow, Judy’s response to my mom, “looks like he won the lottery.”

The locks were really cool at the Three Gorges Dam, and the engineering feat they possess are truly remarkable. We also saw an unusual accupuncture and Chinese medicine demonstration by Dr. Hu, and mom got a one-on-one tutorial on bottle painting. All this was going on while going through the locks, as it takes about 4 hours to go through 5 locks. I just thought it was nice to relax, and despite the issues with our traveling counterparts, it’s been truly enjoyable.
Rudy would have been proud of mom, as mom took advantage of a kite flying demonstration on the observation deck. Roger Swenson would have been proud of mom, since it was a kite in the shape of an eagle. A couple of times the kite lost altitude. I kept telling mom she needed to run fast in the other direction to keep it aloft.

I thought she was going to flip me off.

We then had dinner. Amazingly, TWF and the Empress showed up for that, and it was interesting watching Peter dissect the conversation. After they had to leave to have a cigarette (after all, they can’t seem to make it through dinner without having two or three), Judy asked “how old do you think she is?” My response (after about 4 glasses of sparkling wine and some appetizers) was “I’m thinking Ming Dynasty.” They laughed, and of course mom kicked me under the table.

After dinner we went up and saw a Chinese period costume fashion show, before we retired for the evening. In all, the first full day on the river has been fun, and we look forward to more interesting things to share.

Chapter 9- From October 12, 2008

After we went to the cathedral and made it back to the hotel, we got all of our gear together and then went downstairs to check out. We could have gotten by with not paying for two beers, but my conscience got the better of me, and I decided that I wanted to be honest, rather than have a “Red Corner” experience.

We then went to the airport, and once again, the Empress and her consort were over their baggage weight limit. And it wasn’t just one kilogram over, it was 9. I think we know why: when the Empress got into the van, you could tell that she had already been drinking, and it only was 11 a.m. Mom and I were discussing whether or not you could tell if someone was drinking vodka or not. She said that she could never tell, but remembered that dad always could. I may not have the nose of a bloodhound like my mother, but I can smell when someone’s been into the vodka: my freshman year Theta Chi experience made me VERY aware of what vodka smells like. I love my friend Monette, and when she had big hair back in the 90’s, she always kept a can of Aqua Net at the ready. Well, when someone drinks vodka, it reminds me of the smell of Monette’s Aqua Net.

Once again, going through security was an issue. Mom’s bag was searched carefully, but I sailed through without issue. On the other hand…..the Empress and her one man entourage….well, you know the drill. Yeah…the second time around, the same result.

Anyhow, we flew on Shanghai Airlines to Yichang, which is in Wuhan province of China. It was about an hour and a half flight, and the plane was new, and immaculately clean. And once again, the service was spectacular. We landed, and got to baggage claim. The number of packages that the gruesome twosome are acquiring are getting a bit alarming. Then again, they’ve stocked their bags full of wine and full of liquor, which is probably the reason why they were over the
weight allowance and had to pay and extra $25USD for it.

We were picked up by Billy, our tour guide, and Mrs. Shen, who I would have to say is THE worst driver I have ever seen in my entire life. More about that in a sec. Anyhow, of course the Empress needed to have a luggage trolley to porter their bags to the van. So again, mom and I waited for them to find the trolley for about 20 minutes. We got outside the airport, walked about 30 yards, and imagine that: there was our van.

We got into the van, and Mrs. Shen was driving. She was driving ALL over the road, in one lane, in the other lane, but most of the time in the middle of the two lanes. I felt like we should have gotten clearance for take-off from a control tower.

We then got to Yichang, which is a city of about 4 million people. Billy was very proud of his city, and we were very respectful of his giving us some information about it. I will say, though, that it is VERY different from Shanghai and Beijing. It certainly is not as affluent, and it is not as clean. Apparently there is a lot of mining there, for sulphur, phosphorus, and coal. In fact, there was a LOT of smog and haze, starkly apparent when we made a stop in the main square of the city. That was an interesting place, with lots of people there enjoying the day. The little toddlers have pants that are crotchless here, and so they just let their junk fly. Anyhow, one little boy, in the center of the park, decided to take a leak: on each one of the decorative lights in the central area of the park. That’s a brave kid, especially when you consider there were about 2000 people around watching him entertain himself with peeing on the lights. That kid was much braver than me. We then went to an embroidery factory, which, to me, was a bit overkill. But, we were cordial, and then proceeded to dinner. Dinner was excellent except for a significantly undercooked sweet-sour pork dish. I had one bite, and probably should have spit it out. I hope I don’t have worms….

The other dishes were green beans, potatoes, spicy beef, canton cabbage, rice (duh), and an eggplant dish that was FANTASTIC. After dinner, we got back to the van, and Mrs. Shen had to drive us to the nearest convenience store so that the Empress and TWF could get some liquor (AGAIN), which was right across the street. Mrs. Shen must have thought it was a drive through (even though NONE exist in China), and drove the van right up over the curb and onto the sidewalk, rather than parking in the street like everyone else. I’m beginning to think that Mrs. Shen got her driver’s license yesterday, got her temps, or got it free with a bowl of hot sour soup. She certainly is afraid of going the speed limit, since she always goes about 20 km/h under it. Even the city buses got annoyed, honked at her, and passed her. I’m thinking that this is not a good sign.

We made our purchases, and then we were on our way to the boat. I about crapped myself several times, as Mrs. Shen really didn’t know that driving in the other lane was for oncoming traffic, or that the double yellow line meant two way traffic. Apparently she wanted all of the lanes to herself, or enjoys a challenging suicidal game of chicken with oncoming traffic. I prefer to make it back to the U.S. in one piece.

After prying my knuckles off my knee and the seat in the van, I’ve never been so glad to get out of a car like I did today.

We boarded the boat, got to our cabin, and went upstairs for the orientation. We had a couple of beers or bloody mary’s, and now, we’ve retired for the evening. We haven’t seen our dynamic duo. I think that’s probably a good thing.

We’re setting sail tomorrow. From what I can see so far, the cliffs are very steep. I can’t wait to see what they look like tomorrow morning!

Hello from Xi'an!

Well, we have made it to Xi'an, and with our travels and experiences today, we managed to get a fantastic suite due to a screw up with the hotel. But, as promised, I will post what happened on the Great Yangtze Adventure, and get us all back on track.

China Chapter 8

Well, we're getting packed and ready for our flight to Yichang, so that we can board our cruise on the Yangtze River. This morning, my mom and I got up, leisurely got things organized, got stuff packed, and then went down to breakfast. We were set next to an American couple originally from China, and while we didn't talk much to them, the two interactions we did have were interesting, one in which the woman scolded mom for keeping her purse on the floor, and the other laughing at some clueless tourist that had the stereotypical fisherman's vest, a HUGE camera, a floppy Gilligan hat, and pockets filled with stuff. The Chinese man sitting next to me said, "it may be high fashion....he might have spent fortune on vest...." We laughed heartily together!

Now, I've been mentioning the fact that the Dragon Lady/Empress on our tour is difficult. When we were at breakfast there was this one Spanish woman with a group of other Spanish people, that even from the looks of her, she looked sour. Since we already on a previous trip gave the nickname Sourpuss, we'll just have to call this woman Stinkface. Anyhow, Stinkface gave these Japanese men a hard time for sitting at a table for 6 when there were only 3 of them, and then proceeded to kick them off the table. Another woman was very authoritative, short, and round, and on two occasions, damn near knocked me over when either trying to get coffee, or to get a breakfast roll. I've nicknamed her Bette, like my dad's brother's wife Bette.

We then went walking along the street from our hotel, up to the oldest Catholic Cathedral in China. There were many people going to mass, and to me, I found this interesting. The other things we saw were people pulling old oxcarts with produce, and in one instance, a man was riding in the back while he was making his wife pull the cart. Molly Yard, eat your heart out!

We then walked back to the hotel, and are getting everything ready for the next stage of our vacation. I hope you readers out there are enjoying this particular online journal of "The Great China Escapade." Feel free to drop comments, as we'd love to hear from you!

China Chapter 7

Well, we got up this morning early as mentioned and had the best breakfast we've had on the trip. There were a lot of Spanish people, and (imagine) a lot of Chinese.

We were ready to go at about 8:20 a.m., and surprisingly, To Wong Fu and the Dragon Lady were on time this morning. Of course they were sitting across the immense dining room in the smoking section, with TWF running and fetching everything that the Empress needed. Somehow I don't think that he's paid for a dime of his trip, although he's an expert customer service representative.

Whatever.

Anyhow, We headed off in the morning to see a silk rug factory. It was really interesting, and it was interesting to see how each individual rug was made, with the intricate knots, the time, the patience. It really makes me appreciate the rug that I have that I had gotten in Morocco two years ago. Of course, the Empress made it known that she has practically every rug there in her house, and made it a point to tell the tour guide that the rugs we saw were entirely overpriced. She then also shared how she's had to have her carpets replaced three times because she has trouble keeping her dogs from shitting or peeing on them.

Wow....too much information.

As we got back into the van, we got talking about Chinese medicine and a meditational practice called chi gong. Well, we can always count on the Empress to try to impress us with her knowledge of Chinese culture. She interjected her experiences with accupuncture, and how it was so relaxing. And, not being a betting man, I'm certain she didn't use it to try to quit smoking. I was SO close to throw that out, but, I promised that today I was going to keep positive.

Shanghai is very western in style. It's much more modern and progressive than Beijing. And the people seem to be much friendlier, and less formal. Mrs. Xu is WONDERFUL!!! More about that in a second...

We then visited the Children's Palace, where lots of children go to take drama, art, writing, music, and chinese opera lessons. It was really cool. We met a young man who was the drama teacher, who was teaching 4-5 year olds. They were very excited about having American visitors in their class, and two of the children sang us some songs. It was adorable!

We then went upstairs to watch little girls learn how to perform Beijing Opera, which is a dying art in China. In a neat queue about 8 feet long, all of their little shoes were lined up, and they were singing and dancing and learning this art. Again......cute, cute, CUTE!

Then we saw art work, music lessons in piano, erhu, accordian, and violin, as well as a couple of creative writing classes. It was really cool! Of course, because she's seen everything, the Empress stayed outside the whole time in the courtyard, pouting since it wasn't a place she wanted to visit. I was about ready to tell her where to go.....

But we trekked on and I plastered the best smile and cheery personality I could muster given the circumstance. Many of you would have been very proud of me today.

We then went to the Jade Buddha Temple. It was cool, it was very temple-ish, lots of people chanting, and lots of incense. It was almost noxious after a while, to the point that I couldn't stand it. Of course, the Empress thought it was great (hell, it's cheaper for her to inhale the incense smoke than pay for the 2 carton a day habit she must be on). But we saw and learned all about the Buddhist artifacts in this temple, and then saw the two large jade buddhas. Mom managed to get some paper cuts there as gifts, and we luckily didn't get thrown out of the building after the Empress decided she'd superceed the rules and take pictures wherever she liked in total disregard despite what the signs said to the contrary. I wished that the somewhat portly German woman that stood next to her looking in disgust would have taken her camera, and smashed it against the wall. But alas, nothing happened, except for the fact that the Empress, yet again, looked like a complete idiot.

After the temple, we went to the Shanghai National Museum. Mrs. Xu, the patient soul that she is, asked if everyone liked museums. Not surprisingly, To Wong Fu chimed in immediately and said, "no, we're not." Again I bit my lip. And again, I smiled.

I think I'm going to need a new lip by the time I get back home. Then again, TWF is a complete simpleton, and I'm really not surprised at ALL that that was his response. But, we were able to see awesome Qing, Ming, Han, and Song dynasty scrolls, artifacts, furniture, calligraphy. It was spectacular.

After the museum, we were taken to The Bund, a section of Shanghai that looks very European, and very western. We then had lunch, which consisted of a tomato/egg dish, a chicken and potato concotion, hot sour soup, lemon chicken, bok choy, and cabbage. Again it was a wonderful lunch. The Empress, of course, made it very known to us and to Mrs. Xu that she is sick of Chinese food at this point of the trip (and it's only week one), and continues to remind us of that. Of course every meal, she needs to have ice for her drink. She needs to have salt and pepper. She needs to have soy sauce. She has to always have a fork. And she should be getting a good swift kick in the ass too...

We then left the restaurant, and went up the walkway to the Bund, along the river. At this point, God smiled on mom and I (and must have rewarded me for being almost sickly nice), the clouds parted, and the sun came out.

Well, the sun came out, the clouds kind of parted, but at last To Wong Fu and the Empress went their separate way for about an hour or so. We had Mrs. Xu all to ourselves. From this moment, through the rest of the day, was probably the BEST experience I have EVER had touring on vacation. She knew that I wanted to get osmanthus tea. So we went to this cool little tea shop off the beaten path. We got to experience a formal tea ceremony, and we were able to try several different types of tea. I ended up getting lychee, jasmine, ginseng, and osmanthus tea. It was all WONDERFUL. What a cool experience, not to mention that she got me one hell of a deal.

We then learned about the Bund, it's significance, and about what life is like in China from Mrs. Xu's perspective. It was invaluable.

But alas, all things came to an end (crashing an burning) as we then met up with the gruesome twosome, and headed to old-town Shanghai. Well, I think that the medina in Morocco, and this old town Shanghai are two peas in one pod. Being a weekend, I think all 18 million Shanghai residents were all in one spot....yeah....right where we were. It was really cool. And, God shined on mom and I again, as the dynamic duo finally left for the day. Mrs. Xu then took us to an artist/calligrapher's studio, where we met a master calligrapher. Mom was able to buy some brushes made of fox, lamb, wolf, (and who knows what else....walrus, eel, mongoose, lemming...) and some other cool things. It was really cool.

The final thin Mrs. Xu did, was she took us around the Old Town and showed us the central food restaurant there. She then showed us ALL of the different kind of foods that Shanghai has to offer, as well as what they were, as she know that I loved to cook. It also was incredible.

We then went back to the hotel (which has a spectacular view of Shanghai as our room is on the 21st floor), got some beers and thought we would prepare ourselves for supper tonight. Mrs. Xu then gave us a recommendation of a restaurant she always takes her out of town guests to in Shanghai. So we then got ready, took a cab, and proceeded to the restaurant.

This was a dumpling restaurant. And it was fantastic! It, by far, was the BEST restaurant I have been to in a very long time, and the dumplings were to die for. We had pork, pork with crab, shrimp, pork with rice, etc. It was wonderful! After getting enough to eat, we ventured back to our hotel. All the while, mom and I commented on how cosmopolitan Shanghai is, and that it doesn't seem like it's Chinese at all, but rather a melting pot of many cultures. It was cool.

Meanwhile back at the ranch....I understand TWF and the Empress went to Pizza Hut....

Yeah...like we can't get THAT at home....

We're off to Yichang tomorrow to embark on our river cruise. We're looking forward to it. Our flight leaves later in the afternoon, so we don't have to rush all over the place to get everything ready.

This may be the last online entry for a good share of a week, but I hope to keep you all posted the best I can once we hit land again.

China Chapter 6

It's about 5:30 a.m. on Saturday morning in Shanghai. I am finally getting back on track as far as sleep is concerned.

Well, last night we probably had one of the best meals I think we've eaten since coming to China. It consisted of a corn-porridge soup (this was probably the worst of everything), a really spicy sweet chicken dish, sliced cold beef, shrimp with some snow peas, sauteed celery and pearl onions, deep fried beef, and red bean won tons. It all was delicious.

We then ventured off to the Shanghai Acrobats show at the Ritz Carlton. While we were going to the show, Mrs. Xu was describing what our day would be on Saturday (today), and how we were going to go about planning for the day. No sooner did she start talking, the Empress, yet again, interrupted the conversation and pulled out a list of about 6 things scratched out on a cocktail napkin (more about that in a second) that she wanted to make sure she saw while she was in Shanghai. She also started badmouthing Annie (again) about how Annie made the tour all about Annie.

I'm beginning to think our Empress is a royal pain in the ass.

Mrs. Xu, being experienced and deft, I think is getting a sense of what the Empress is like, and said, "well, I have many things on the list that I must show you as part of the tour, and if we have time later, we might be able to see some of those other things."

The Empress then shot back, "well, we will probably want to do our own thing in the afternoon." I'm hoping that Mr. Lee drops them off IN the Yellow Sea. My vote is to let them SWIM their way back.

To Wong Fu said that they had gotten into the vodka from the time that we were dropped off at the airport, and the time that we were on our way to lunch. The Empress was shit-faced. Yippee. At dinner, they were asking some very personal questions of mom and myself, and then they wanted to know what we were going to write as a comment card back to Pacific Delights Tours about our guide Annie in Beijing. I told them that we were planning to send comments back, and that there were several things that we wanted to mention (and in my mind I'm thinking "like them" for example). After about 5 minutes of trying to pry specifically what we were going to include, Tim/To Wong Foo said, "well, let's change the subject." I responded, "great idea."

Well, the acrobat show FAR exceeded anything that I have ever seen. I remember seeing the Shanghai Acrobatic Troupe show on PBS when I was a kid, and remember all of the elements of Chinese Opera, the traditional clothing, the balancing and the tumbling, and the contortion. It was all there, only updated to more of a modern thing. It was spectacular! How they are able to do the things they do are amazing, and what energy they all possess. Mrs. Xu said that if you get tickets to see a show like this in Shanghai, at the Ritz, you are very, VERY lucky because it is a treat.

It certainly was.

Today we're off to do a lot of things, like the Shanghai Museum, the Children's Palace, the Bund, and some other things. Then tonight, Mrs. Xu recommended a dumpling restaurant to try for supper tonight. She says that it's great, and that it's where she always takes her family's out of town guests when they visit her. Should be exciting!

China Chapter 5

Well, we arrived safely in Shanghai. We left this morning at about 6:30 a.m. to head for the Beijing Airport to catch our flight. Annie dropped us off, and then got our reservations ready for us, got us our boarding passes on China Southern Airlines flight number 3907. Of course, To Wong Fu and the Empress needed to have an emergency exit row as they needed more leg space since To Wong Fu is tall. Annie quickly shot back, "but you don't speak Chinese, so that's not possible." It was amazing seeing how much the imperial twosome packed in their suitcases, being 4 kgs over the maximum allowed weight, and the fact that I haven't seen them change clothes once since we got here.

Anyhow, Annie then led us to security.

I was a little nervous about going through security, as I always do in any foreign country. They really do a great job of searching everything in China, and little did I know, that my passport set off the metal detector. I'm suspecting that this new passport I have now has a microchip. It sure sent the wand the woman was using to wand me (another difference from the U.S.- two women screening ALL passengers, male and female) into a dither.

Well, we got through o.k. We waited for the other twosome in our group (we're getting used to this about them) to get through, and you would have thought that they had contraband. Instead, because they are heavy HEAVY smokers, their lighters sent the security people into a dither. What should have only taken about 5 minutes, turned out to take 20, and then after we got done waiting for them, they needed to go to the opposite end of the concourse so they could light up again.

It's tiring.

So mom and I walked along the corridor, and ventured into a couple of different stores. We thought about purchasing some of the strange and unusual items in the store, but then thought the better of it once we put things into scope and realized it might make things in our bags smell like poo. We were thinking about getting duck tongue, duck liver, duck legs, or whole ducks for everyone, but somehow I have a hard time believing that it would remain cold for 10 more days and for 4 to 5 more cities.

The cool thing about shops in China are the packaging and how they present everything in the stores. It's really spectacular. It's like Target, only BETTER.

Well, we got to Shanghai at about 11 p.m. The flight on China Southern Airlines was actually fantastic. The service was great, the English was limited, but a cool thing they did was actually thank everyone for flying, and then as they all stood in front of the cabin, they all did a bow, and went on their merry way. And all we got on United was a scolding for not having our seats buckled in time.

Mrs. Xu was there to pick us up at the airport. Mrs. Xu is like the yang to Annie's ying. She's more mature, more relaxed, and more in tune to what we, the tourists, want to do. She's WAY more flexible, and speaks English excellently. Mr. Lee is our driver, and he is about 25. I had the opportunity to ride shotgun through Shanghai to the restaurant and then to the hotel with him. And he's quite funny. At one point, the traffic (which is really amazing since you don't see many accidents when you should see one every 10 seconds) was bad, and a woman with a painted flower car pulled out in front of the van we were in. It said something like "this is Jenny's car" or "Jenny's having a great day," or 3 to 4 phrases like that on the side of it. Mr. Lee said to me, "Jenny must be driving the car." To which I responded, "Jenny needs to get her ass out of the way."

I liked seeing Mr. Lee laugh.

We went to a silk factory before lunch and before we got to the hotel. It was FASCINATING. We saw how silk is made, and how silk thread is spun. We then (of course) got to shop in the silk factory. We got to try our hand at making silk batting for silk comforters (which was really cool), and mom and I ended up buying 2 queen-size comforters each (the top of the line) for dirt cheap. Hopefully we'll remember we bought them when we get home, as they should arrive about 4 days after we get home. But, I will say, they are extremely nice, and very VERY soft.

We then headed to the hotel. The Hua Ting Tower is right near the huge soccer stadium and is directly across from an IKEA shop that mom's been eyeing. It's really a cool hotel. Although, the elevator lobby is a little confusing, since it's shaped like a circle, and there's about 10 different cars you could possibly ride. Once you hit the button to go up, you just never know which car it will be.

It's like Vegas, only funner.

Anyhow, we're relaxing in the room prior to going to dinner. It'll be interesting to see what happens tomorrow, as we have a huge day planned again. We've already had the inkling that the Empress and her consort will probably not be joining us. That might not be a bad thing. I'm afraid I'd probably rip off the Empress' loose, spider-like fake eyelash if she's around me much longer. She certainly likes to let everyone know how much she knows and how she's been around the world, even though half her stories and facts are.....well....fiction.

Tonite we have Shanghainese dinner and then an acrobatics show (I'm really looking forward to this), and then get back late this evening.

More tomorrow.

China Chapter 4

Today was the first free day that we’ve had since we arrived in China. I think it also was the first night where I actually slept normally and am adjusting to the time difference. After all, here, it’s 13 hours ahead. So as I write this at 4:33 p.m. on Thursday afternoon, it’s 3:33 a.m. Thursday morning.

Anyhow, I think the hardest thing to do was to decide what we wanted to do. After putting the kibosh on the hutong tour, we needed to come up with an alternative plan. So we decided to talk at breakfast (which again was wonderful) and decided that seeing the Temple of Heaven was a must. We also decided to visit the famous Wangfujing Street market. Well, it’s not so much a market as much as it is a shopping mecca in general.

The first thing that was a little stressful was the fact that we don’t speak Chinese. This is kind of a problem, especially if you have to take a cab to go where you need to. I will say this: the service that we have had from everyone here in China has been FANTASTIC. Everyone that we have come in contact with has been spectacularly helpful. I sure hope that Americans can have a chance to see how to treat out of town guests.

Anyhow, the hotel that we’re staying at has little cards that help guests tell cabbies where they need to be taken. The porter outside, Rack, always smiles, and is always helpful, and made sure that the cab driver knew where we needed to go.

So, we arrived at the Temple of Heaven. I also learned how to say, “how much is it?” in Chinese. And, surprisingly, they know what I’m saying! Whoau, what a more practical thing to say than “the little boy is sitting on the left wing of the yellow airplane.” Once we were at the Temple of Heaven, what a cool park it’s situated in! There are ALL kinds of Beijingers that go there to play cards, learn music lessons, do karaoke, play dominoes, do tai chi, do line dancing, tango dancing, and this really cool ribbon dance thing. What was truly remarkable was the fact that it was a mesh of all generations of people doing things together: and having a good time and enjoying the company.

We were asked many times if we wanted to join in, but because I didn’t want to make a COMPLETE ass of myself, I passed. I was afraid I might show them up. Or be the butt of ALL of the conversation.

The Temple of Heaven is quite a monument. It was made without a single nail. It’s round, very tall, and very blue. I wish it was more of a sunny day today to really show how spectacular it is, but today is the first day since we’ve been here where the smog is really REALLY heavy. It stings your eyes, and makes it very difficult to breathe.

We were at the Temple of Heaven all morning, and ran into our compatriots while mom stopped to use the loo. Apparently without her notice, Margaret, the Empress (as we now call her) had a tampon stuck to her woolen coat. Tim (her travel companion) noticed it, pulled it off her jacket (without the Empress knowing) and later said, “are you saving this for later?”

I just about wet myself.

Anyhow, after touring the Temple of Heaven, we then ventured to Wangfujing Dajie (Wangfujing Street). It was very nice. There was a HUGE mall, very upscale there, and then a walking street where there were lots of Chinese shops where you could buy tea, apothecary herbal medicines, clothing, silk (mom bought some there), and musical instruments. I had my first opportunity to look over several guzhengs today. It was fun!!!! However, the only models they had were the Dunhuang cheaper model, but no Tianyi’s or Scarlet Birds (Zhuque). So we’ll keep looking. Although the guy in the music store started playing it, and it was really cool.

We stopped off for some coffee, and did some people watching, we then went to a cool bread shop where we had an inside out hot dog thingy on a stick. Everything cool to eat is on a stick apparently. After doing a lot of walking, we decided to go back to the hotel, put our feet up, have our late lunch things (as it’s now about 5 p.m.), and then venture out tonight if it stops raining. Right now, though, it’s pretty overcast, and it was raining earlier.

We venture off to Shanghai tomorrow morning early. We have to leave for the airport at 6:30 a.m. to make our flight at 9 a.m. We’re taking China Southern Airlines and the flight should take just short of 2 hours. Then tomorrow, we have the afternoon off before going out for dinner and seeing a Shanghai Acrobat show.

Should be interesting!

China Chapter 3

Where to begin today…

Well first off, we had breakfast again, and again it was wonderful. We ventured off on our merry way (and it was still early enough for us to be merry at this point). We headed toward the Great Wall at Badaling, as well as the Ming Tombs and the Sacred Way.

The first stop, however, was to a cloisonne factory. This actually was on the tour as part of the itinerary, unlike the pearl stop yesterday. It was fascinating. The intricate details, the coloring, the piddly time it takes just to make one cloisonne object was simply stunning, not to mention interesting. There were many things for us to buy in the factory store (surprise…surprise), and really, some of the stuff was really beautiful. And, it was pretty damn expensive. But, we were again whisked away so that we could get to the Great Wall before we were even able to really get into the shopping mode.

We got to the Great Wall at Badaling. It was about an hour and 15 minutes by car northwest of Beijing. I know from some of the tour books, this particular entry point is very popular among tourists, and is probably the most famous. I didn’t mind. Hell, it really is one of the only spots in the world that I have really wanted to visit. And my pictures really do not do the Great Wall the justice it deserves. It’s truly one of the most incredible things I have ever seen in my life. Just thinking of the number of years, and the number of people that had lost their lives making that wonder of the world is mind boggling. No more mind boggling than the actual climb on the wall itself. I would say that “dizzying” is a much better descriptor for what we climbed. In all of its unevenness of steps, the steep inclines in a couple of sections, not to mention the people pushing wheelchairs (of all things) up it, it was really remarkable.

What made it the most dizzying was the fact that you’re climbing a wall on a steep cliff, and there is no such thing as the steps being level, so everything looks a little crooked as you climb to the top. Annie, our tour guide, insisted that this was the “easy” climb of the Great Wall. Sir Edmund Hillary would have needed his crampons to climb this thing....using the difficult section. Eegads!
We got to the top of the Great Wall section, and had a great panoramic view of the Yan Mountains, and the Wall traversing the mountains as far as the eye can see. And it was pretty damn windy too. At one point, mom accosted an unsuspecting older Spanish grandmother who you could see was shivering. I don’t know if the look on that woman’s face was to say she was amazed at the kindness, or wondering “what the hell are you doing, don’t touch me!” Even though it was chilly, climbing the Wall was enough to make anyone warm, except for the twosome we’re travelling with. After all, they’re from the warm climates. In fact, I did happen to get a picture of them walking down the Great Wall, in their winter wear. They were bundled up like eskimos from Nome. I can understand wearing a jacket, but I think the raspberry beret, gloves, wool coat, scarf, and ski cap were a bit much, considering that the temperature was about 62 degrees.

Our knees were very shaky afterwards, so we went to one of the gift shops and ended up buying t-shirts, and some official Beijing Olympics wear. I was a little put off by the size, as I had to buy a 4XL shirt to find one that would remotely fit. I think the clerk was passive-aggressively telling me that I was fat. Hopefully eating Chinese food day in and out will get me down to a 3 and a half XL. One can only hope.

We went to lunch, and lunch was great. We then ended up doing a bit more shopping at the Dan Yi Friendship Store, where mom proceeded to find silk fabric for a quilt. From the looks of the clerks in the store, they probably thought that mom was on crack for the small amounts that she needed to buy for this quilt. I still haven’t gotten anything other than the two t-shirts so far (perhaps it is the trauma of it). But if I find that guzheng, I will more than make up for the difference.

We then went to the Ming Tombs and the Sacred Way. Probably the best word to describe it was that it was peaceful, and it was another glorious day outside. We then traveled to the tombs to see some of the relics. At this point in our journey, is probably the first point where I got extremely irritated.

Annie, our tour guide, asked mom and I if we wanted to go on the Hutong optional tour tomorrow. Mom and I told her that we really didn’t discuss it much and asked how soon she needed to know. She told us that she needed to know as soon as possible.

About 10 minutes later, all the while Annie was walking along with us mind you, she said that her tour company called and wanted to know if anyone was going on the tour, and that she needed to know now. Not ONCE did I see her answer her phone, and mention anything. I didn’t like feeling lied to.

After that, and then having Annie tell mom that she needed to pay in cash, and not a credit card, our mind was made up.

We’re not seeing the Hutong. Another thing, I don’t think I could handle another propaganda sales pitch for goods and services that we don’t need!

We then travelled back to the city of Beijing, and went to a Kung Fu show. I pooh-poohed the kung fu show prior to the trip. However, I will be the first to admit: I was DEAD WRONG. Actually it was quite cool, acrobatic, and was like a modern dance with kung fu in it. It was very enjoyable.

We then went for dinner to a popular restaurant in Beijing. The interesting thing about it was that none of the tour groups were seated upstairs in the main dining room. We all were relegated by the restaurant to be seated in the basement. And, to top it all off, we were told that our food would be the same as the the lunch we were served. Oh goody…

I think the thing that was the most offensive was that here we were tucked away in the bowels of this restaurant basement, and the dinnerware we were served on looked like my niece’s play kitchenware (you know, the plastic kind that’s been mentioned in the news lately?).
After eating dinner, and heading out of the restaurant, I found it very unsettling that Annie pulled me aside and asked me if I would be willing to write a comment letter about our experience with her. I don’t know if she thinks that I would be the nicest or what, but I really felt it puts me in a very awkward position. I am going to write a letter, but unfortunately for Annie, it’s going to have some very “constructive” things included with it.

After getting back to the hotel at about 9 p.m., mom and I decided to retire to our room, we cracked open a couple of beers, and relaxed before retiring for bed. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m sure will have more interesting experiences to share.