China Chapter 17

Today we had another long day, and had only one activity planned. It was a Li River cruise. We got up early, had breakfast, and needed to meet our guide at 8:40 a.m. James picked us up, and of course, as always, the Dragon Lady and Dim Sum were late. I'm sure all you readers out there are surprised by this as much as we were.

We headed outside of Guilin, to where we needed to catch the boat. Sitting behind the Dynamic Duo is getting a little old, as they stink. They smell of stale booze and stale cigarette smoke, and it really is not something that is a pleasant thing to smell first thing in the morning.

We got on board, and cruised around the Li river about 2 hours before lunchtime. We had amazing views of the limestone karsts, shards of mountains sticking up from the ground all over the place. We saw ducks, men and boys fishing and swimming in the river, cormorants waiting to fish this evening, water oxen, mountain goats, banyan, fir and camphor trees, and oleander. It is certainly the most resplendent green I have ever seen in my life. The river is clear, you can see down to the bottom.

We had a passable lunch, as James warned us that the lunch isn't so spectacular on this cruise. We were then blessed with the Empress and To Wong Foo pulling out their dental floss, and flossing each and every one of their teeth at the table.

I was about ready to pull my smelly Crocs off, throw my calloused feet on the table, and start trimming my toenails. I thought it might be a bit much to drive my point...

Well, as mom and I had no desire to stay during the Empress' public tooth flossing ceremony, we went upstairs, met some nice ladies from the Garden Club of America, and distracted ourselves from our accidental tourist companions. Even though James told us NOT to buy any souvenirs from the boat, of course, the Empress and TWF did. They bought a HUGE printed fan (that looked like brown paper grocery bags strung between pieces of balsa, with really BAD art printed on it) which, like my dad's sister-in-law would do, the Empress made James our tour guide carry. TWF bought a very fetching bamboo hat, one in which I'd have a lighter fetched for me to light aflame.

I was kicking myself at the end of the day for not taking a picture of the Empress laying down (or passed out from the wine she poured in her Sprite bottle to drink on the boat) in the middle of the dining room, in front of about 75 other passengers. Now THAT, my readers, is class....

We got off the boat in Yangzhou, strolled through the center of the city, and then met our driver. We headed back to Guilin, where mom and I opted NOT to have the provided dinner this evening (we need different dinner companions), and plan to walk around the square instead. Our trip tomorrow plans to be interesting again, and I am hoping that my patience will last just a few more days longer, without instigating a mutiny against the Empress.

Wish me luck!